this was read over and over at the toronto convention this weekend.

what do you folks think?

i think it reminds us of na unity,and that we arent just at a meeting,but an na meeting.

let me know what you addicts think.

i can see where it has its pros an cons.i know that in toronto,we dont get alot of treatment talk.i know that  it was bad at some o the recovery clubhouses i have been in in the past.

 i do agree that it can be tricky for newcomers.we try to lead by example as much as posible.any one i sponsor i get to understand what being  an na member means,and how my sponsor got me to understand the third tradition in the basic text.

but i do understand the reasoning behind it.if you where like me back in the 90's,im sure you remeber alot o the drama that came with being an na only member.it was about unity.

but we all have our place in the fellowship,and our experiance.and unity means we all belong in this thing called na,no matter where we come from

kemit

I was speaking at a history workshop, last week. I shared about what it was like in NA in the early 80's. Of course, to me, that wasn't that far off. After I finished my talk, I realized that there were a lot of things I used to talk about that I no longer share in my story. Today I talk primarily about the steps. I decided, on the ride home, to share with the fellowship about the early days for me. The period has fondly come to be known as "the purist movement".

I landed in my third treatment center on September 5th, 1981. It was there that I went to my first NA meeting and heard the message of recovery from the disease of addiction. Actually what i "heard" was that we were powerless over drugs and when we used them our lives became unmanageable.

The members of NA back then were going to one or two NA meetings a week and going to AA on nights when there was no NA. Our recovery was based on AA's focus of powerless-ness over alcohol (the symptom). We were instructed, by well meaning AA members, to change the word "alcohol" to the word "drugs". So that's what we did.

When I had four months clean, my drug councilor gave me and my running partner a starter kit for AA and said why don't you go start one of those meetings. So we did. It was more group therapy than 12 steps and I was the therapist, of course. I was the old timer. My buddy had the most clean time but he wasn't the talkative type.

I moved across the state when I had one year clean and began to go to local meetings. There was one meeting about 8 minutes from my house. It was called "junks and drunks". We were still substance oriented, back then. We started a second meeting on Wednesday nights at the same location. On Tuesday nights we sometimes drove to the beach, about forty minutes away. A Thursday night meeting had started in a treatment center forty-five minutes in the other direction. Friday night we met back at the beach.

On Saturday, we all went over the river to the area next door. Sunday was meeting in that area as well, at the hospital I worked in. This was the norm in NA, driving between thirty minutes to an hour for a meeting. We knew no other way. I was asked to speak at a meeting on a Wednesday night. The meeting was three hours away. We packed up the car with addicts and went, then turned around and drove home that same night.

We did know an easier, softer way. This was to go to the AA meetings. I went to the AA club house most every day at noon. I was working the evening shift at the treatment center and we had no noon NA meetings yet. I had just picked up my two year gold coin in AA and knew all their readings by heart. I never committed to serve in any capacity. For some reason it didn't seem right, alcohol was not my drug of choice. I was never asked to chair and that didn't seem to be a problem either. I was doing my service at the treatment center, with my sponsees, and at the NA meetings.

I got a call from my friend Larry. He was the guy that first taught me about NA service. He had called me a year before, when I lived across state, and had let me know what area service we were in. He suggested that we elected a group service representative. So I elected myself GSR. I was doing everything else. I was the PI committee, the H and I committee, the Literature Committee and the phone line was at my house. No ego here. I was also chairman of the GI committee... guilt and intimidation. It was my favorite position.

In February of 1982, Larry called and said that he was going to a convention and asked if I would like to go. I said,"Great, where is it?" And he said Georgia. Georgia! I proclaimed. And then, as I had with almost everything Larry suggested to me, I said, "OK." I knew, from passed experience, that wherever Larry went there would be a lot of great new NA friends and that we would be taken care of in style.

A group of us got together at a central location in the middle of the state and waited for Larry. He used to drive this beat up old grey van and wherever it went, it was chuck full of newcomers. Whenever he pulled up and opened the door, they would all come tumbling out like the clowns stuffed into the little Volkswagen at the circus. Larry's life was dedicated to carrying the message to the addict who still suffered. We called him "the old man" due to his older age (40 something) and his 9 plus years in NA . . . that was forever.

Larry showed up very late and at midnight we took off for our 9 hour drive to Atlanta. It was a harrowing drive, since Larry's steering wheel could be turned half way round and you would still be going straight down the road. Being a northerner and driving this unsafe vehicle into the deep south, in a rain storm, at 2 in the morning, was an act of sheer faith for me.

We arrived early in the morning on Friday and were too excited to go to sleep. It seemed that Larry knew all the movers and shakers in NA and proceeded to introduce us to them all. We met Bo from Atlanta, who was spearheading the World Literature Committees work on something called the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous. They had approval copies all over the place and everyone was reading it and talking it up.

I went to the opening meeting that night and a guy from Michigan got up and said, I don't know about much but I heard "work the Steps or die mother f+++er. Wow! I thought, nobody at home talks about the Steps. Of course, they didn't work the Steps, I didn't work the Steps and a lot of them looked up to me. They did what I did, talk good stuff about powerless-ness, acceptance and surrender but nothing about Steps. We really didn't have much on the Steps in NA back then. At the time, Step 3 was real cool.

The next thing that struck me was a guy from Georgia who got up and said,"What really excites me is that this is an NA convention with NA speakers", and the crowd applauded thunderously. This was a novel idea in Narcotics Anonymous in the early 80's. Most of our oldtimers, back then, had surrendered in AA or were going to both fellowships. We had no identity of our own. Maybe that's why we had so few meetings back then. Why go to the hassle of starting another meeting when there are plenty of good AA meetings everyday.

That was the other thing I was hearing about at GRSNA II, making a commitment to only go to NA meetings. I remember the Friday night speaker talking about letting the his local AA fellowship know that once they got seven meetings of NA a week, they wouldn't see him at there f+++in doorstep. There was something attractive about that radical stuff but "better safe than scary" was always my motto. I feared rejection something terrible, being a life long people pleaser.

The next thanksgiving, I went to the volunteer regional convention in Nashville, Tennessee. Larry met me there and introduced me to the local NA's. I remember thinking back to the convention in Georgia and how cool it was to see people speaking at the microphones. So, every chance I got, I would raise my hand and go to the podium to share my words of wisdom. I remember debating with the world "H and I" Chair and we didn't even have an "H and I" meeting were I lived.

On Sunday afternoon, when the convention was all but over, I was talking with this guy from Memphis named Joseph. He was a friend of Larry's and so he was family to me. He said,"You know, you must of spoken on everyone of those tapes." I was not thrilled with this guy, right from the start. Who the hell did he think he was, anyway.

He went on to say,"I heard you identifying yourself as clean and sober." I said,"Yeah, clean from drugs and emotionally and spiritually sober." He said,"You know, I looked up the dictionary definition of the word sober and it means somber, serious, moderate and not drunk and I cant afford to limit my recovery in those terms."

He then went further to say,"I looked up the dictionary definition of the word clean and it means free from dirt and diseases and when I came in to NA, I was a dirty and diseased guy. I go to na, not only to become physically clean from drugs, but to become spiritually clean, emotionally clean, clean in the way that I deal with the world."

"Were do you find your recovery," he asked? "Well, I go to the NA meetings I can get to but I work evenings at the treatment center so I go to the noon AA meetings during the day." He said,"All my life I never made a commitment anywhere, I never stuck it out. If I didn't like this girl, I had another across town. If I didn't like this group of friends I'd hang out with another. If I didn't like this school, I'd get my parents to move me to another. I never made a commitment anywhere. You need to make a commitment somewhere and stick it out, and when the service arguments get tough, you can't take your ball and go home."

If they needed someone to chair the aa meeting on tuesday would you be missed, he asked? No, I said, they have hundreds of people there. If they needed a speaker at the na meeting would your absence be noticed? Well of course, there's only a dozen of us. You need to make a commitment, he said, one or the other. I don't care which one. And when the going gets tough, you need to stick it out and grow up. It was then that I said, well thanks for sharing buddy and quickly got away from that creep.

I remember going to a local meeting that night and complaining about that guy. I got several giggles from the local members. Apparently, he had been sharing the same way with a bunch of them, and they were just as impressed as I.

I got back to my home area on monday night and the next day, guess where I was? In my usual seat at the noon aa meeting. Tell me I cant go somewhere for my recovery, hah! I just picked up my two year gold coin.

It was my turn to share on the topic of humility. I identified myself, as a drug addict, and shared on the topic. I never talked much about my using, as it wasn't consistent with aa's first step and I felt it would be disrespectful.

As the meeting ended, an old drunk walked up to me and said; we don't talk about drugs in here and then walked out. I sat there flabbergasted. Why, I hadn't talked about drugs at all, I merely identified myself as a "drug" addict. I was still holding onto the chemicals.

Well! The next day, guess where I was, right back in my same seat. Tell me I cant be here, hah! As I sat in that meeting a quiet voice came into my head. It said; what are you doing here? And I thought; resentment! Is that any reason to attend a 12 step fellowship, the voice asked? And I knew the answer to that one. So I got up and left the meeting. I made the commitment to only go to na that day and I haven't looked back since.

The next time I saw that jerk from memphis, I asked him to be my sponsor. I wanted what he had to offer. He talked to me about integrity and putting your money were your mouth is. He spoke the truth to me.

Part 2

The movement.

There was a home group in na that grew up around the literature movement and its primary purpose was to disband. Think about that. An na group who's main purpose was to no longer be needed. It was named "anonymi" and it consisted of a little blue business card that said these words:

Anonymi

A world-wide na home group designed to provide our trusted servants (whose service has sometimes isolated them from their local groups) with the love and understanding they need to survive.

As folks came together to work on our basic text, they were beginning to learn a great deal about na and the disease of addiction. We were starting to crystalize a concept of recovery that was ours alone. Folks from all over the country were getting to meet and share with others who had been clean for a long time and they were going back home chock full of enthusiasm about this new vision of recovery.

My sponsor gave me my card and he gave me an extra one. He said that when you meet someone who needs this give them a card and one extra. He said; there are allot of adicts who have made the commitment to stand up for narcotics anonymous. They are going to na for their recovery and are using our own language. The language developed through the writing of our literature. It is consistent with our first step of powerless-ness over addiction and not the substances we used. As these members go back to there home areas and share this new found commitment, they are often scorned and isolated.

This is what anonymi is for. We meet at conventions and service gatherings to nurture each other. This gives us the strength to go back and continue to stand up for what we believe in. Of course, our hope is that the fellowship will come to this same understanding and one day, we can here the message of recovery from the disease of addiction in narcotics anonymous in any na meeting we attended. When that day comes, we will no longer need anonymi.

I was driving down the highway the other day and I was going to do a history talk for the area. I was trying to remember the name of that home group. You know the one who's primary purpose was to disband. (Tears of gratitude are welling up in my eyes, as I write these lines) I couldn't remember the name "anonymi". It had served it's primary purpose and was no longer needed. I can go into almost any na meeting around the world and hear a clear message of na and the majority of members wouldn't think of going to any other fellowship for there recovery (what a silly idea).

Well it wasn't that silly in 1983. A friend of mine who got clean 25 years ago says; "it takes a certain brand of insanity to bet your life on something that doesn't exist!" Narcotics anonymous, as we know it today, did not exist. We had meetings and allot of sharing and caring but the fellowship was splintered. We had unity but we were not totally unified. There was allot of junior counseling going on. There was only a handful of people going only to na meetings for there recovery and they were very quiet about it.

You know the old saying, there's nothing worse than a convert. It's usually the converts that yell the loudest and I was right up there at the front. We started sharing about only using na approved literature in our na meetings. We would confront members when they said the "s" word. We were quick to tell you that sober stood for "short of being entirely recovering". What ever the new cause was, to clarify our language and our fellowship, we were quick to jump on the bandwagon. We pointed out that the lords prayer was a secular prayer from a specific religion and was inappropriate at na meetings. We would tell folks, if straight is great, does that mean that gay sucks. We come to na to get clean, not straight.

When I heard people share that they were addict/alcoholics that were clean and sober from drugs and alcohol, I knew they weren't surrendering to the same first step I was. We finally learned that it worked allot better to talk to them after the meeting and not cause a scene by shouting out as the poor guy was sharing. The sad part, for me, was that I would immediately discount anything they had to say. And we worked with the newcomers.

Folks from around the country and around the world would come to me and complain about the mixed messages they heard in there meetings. I used to tell them not to waist there breath on the oldtimers, cause they would be quick to tell you that its worked like this for us so why do we have to change. I would share, work with the newcomers. It will only take about a year. Why a year, they would ask? Because in a year, all those newcomers will be in service positions. They will be the gsr's and the area secretaries etc. They will be the leaders. And we were right.

Anonymi was informal in nature, once you got your card and most members never saw one, you put it away and never spoke of it again. You just hung with the winners and recommitted yourself at every convention you could get to. We went to them all. Back then there was only the world, the east coast and one or two state conventions but new ones were happening all the time. It was nothing to go to 8 or more first conventions in a year. Whenever we got there, our na family was waiting with compassion and fellowship. We felt a part of and knew that all the hassles at home were worth it. A friend of mine from michigan had come home with the recovery messagen and the local na's told her; if was so great down there in georgia, why don't you go the f++k back.

Our state, as well as several other east coast regions, were putting in bids for the world convention to be held labor day weekend 1985. One of the bidding sites was washington dc and they put on a mini convention to raise funds for there bid. Of course, being in na, we all showed up to participate. This blew the minds of the dc committee. That all the people bidding against them would drive hundreds of mile to help there function be a success. That's the na way!

Saturday night, after the last meetings, a bunch of us gathered in a room at the college were the function was being held. We talked about the movement, which had no name, at the time. We came up with the tittle e.c.v.c. This stood for the east coast vigilante committee. We keep what we have only with vigilance (sic). We even designed a t- shirt with a picture of the world (taken from our state bid shirt) and placed the banner e.c.v.c. across the globe.

A few months latter, we were all in baltimore for the 6th east coast convention of narcotics anonymous. These conventions were getting huge, with attendance at around 1,500 members. A big convention back then was 450 addicts. As I walked down the path to my dorm room, I came upon a fellow na radical named jimmy from the north east. He pulled out a newsletter and a purple bandanna with the world logo and the word purist across the globe. The news letter wasn't much to look at, just a piece of paper folded in 4ths. It reprinted an article from an early na way magazine.

The article talked about "those members who identify themselves simply as addicts and who use the terms clean and recovery, instead of sober and sobriety. They only go to na meetings for their recovery. "Are they outside na or some fringe group"? The article said no, they are actually na purists. I guess jimmy thought the name vigilante was a little heavy handed.

This movement was not very well organized and there were no officers. It was just allot of well minded individuals who believed in the same things and were doing something about it. Each in there own small way. Jimmy didn't think a whole lot about his little news letter and wasn't even asking for donations to cover cost. He just felt it was important for us to have a vehicle to discuss our issues without censorship from world services. The newsletter was not as small a thing as was first believed. Of course, we all asked jimmy if we could reproduce it and he said sure.

The purist newsletter, as it was quickly coming to be known, was the talk of the convention. Not from the podiums, of course, but in the hallways and out on the lawn. The e.c.v.c. members got there copies and quickly ran home to make duplicates. Jimmy's idea, of course, was to quietly hand them out at functions of na. The rest of us wanted them out on the tables of every na meeting in the world.

I went to the 2nd european service conference in london england that year. In my suitcase was a hundred copies of the purist newsletter. No one told me to do that, I just knew in my heart that this stuff needed to be shared with na overseas. When I got to the conference, I put them out on the table with all the other literature and let the fun begin. The host committee didn't get off on the idea and had a meeting to discuss this "non na approved" literature. They asked me to attend a meeting on the subject but I declined. I wish to make amends to that committee. I was really chickening out from being confronted on my behavior. They voted to remove the purist newsletter from the tables. That was ok with me, the seed had been sewn.

I was on the wold international committee, at the time, and latter that year at a world business meeting I was called into an office for a talk. There was a long table and most of the world level trusted servants were there. The chair of the conference, the chair of the international committee, a dozen or so officers and the director of the world service office, bob stone. I wondered what was up.

Bob gave this long speech about the workings of na and his responsibilities to the world wide fellowship of na. I was being lulled to sleep with this stuff. All of sudden he pulls out the purist newsletter and demands to know about this organization that handed these out. He said that they had wound up on the tables at an na meeting in europe and was I apart of this. I was flabbergasted and of course intimidated by this large gathering. I told them the truth, that there was no big scheme, I just made a bunch of copies and handed them out at the european conference. When they found that it was just one addicts and not some big conspiracy, they excused me.

My sponsor used to bolster me up at times like these. He would look me in the eye and say "either you stand for something or you'll fall for anything". That was one of our greatest rallying cries. I know, because I used to use it on my sponsees. It became the battle call for my friends who decided to continue the fight with the production of the baby blue copies of the basic text.

Part 3

The baby blues.

My na mentor, larry, and a few others decided that they didn't like what world services was doing. Especially with the monies they were making on the sale of our basic text. It's the old adage, if you don't like what folks are doing take away there funding. The ultimate authority is always the purse strings. There was allot of discussion about changes made to our basic text over the years. Changes that we believed were not "fellowship approved".

There was discussion about the exorbitant cost of our basic text, when a smaller cheaper version could be made for about a dollar and a half. Of course the full price of our text goes to provide services to the worldwide fellowship of na and only a small part goes to cover the cost of producing the book. It was those services, plane trips for world level servants etc..., that had brought this idea to fruition.

This is how it was told to me, because I wasn't at the conference yet. The white approval form of the basic text was altered before printing. This was done without the approval of the fellowship. The board of trustees took a few line out of the tradition portions and then sent it to the printer.

like i say there is alot of history to back the unity side.

i know things change,and we have to change with them.

i just want na to accept reality as it truly is.

Lon, thanks for sharing that perspective on the issue in discussion here. I also do it that way. Talk to newcomers after the meetings, one on one, and share my experience and how I realized what I have, in a loving, caring way, and then, leave the option to change their way or not, entirely to them...

Sometimes, my intolerance does get at me, when something non-NA is force-fed in NA meetings, and I do acting out on very rare occasions. But I'm grateful that this happens as it allows me to look within to see what is so disturbing inside me that I am not able to practice tolerance and acceptance, and also, I open my mind and invite a loving Higher Power in these situations nowadays by asking myself, what my Higher Power would want me do in those situations... be rude and interrupt the newcomer's share and force NA jargon on him or to deal in a loving, compassionate way and have the faith in the Higher Power that just like my Higher Power worked on my recovery, in my HP's own time and brought me where I am, so will the same happen to these newcomers too, in their HP's own time, not mine...

check this......

it needs alot of work

Deceased members full names will appear in this material to prevent confusion.

The Tradition Wars: a pathway to peace