I don't know what to say

Sammy · Member

I don't know what to say

dalin · Senior Member

i hear you.

in these situations,words wont help.

it the actions that go with the words that can help.

hell if you are like me...i could sell ice to eskimos.but i can no longer do dope feind behavior to help me when my ass puts me in an unmanagable place.

go to a meeting......hell do 90 in90,and show her,dont tell her.get a sponsor.

we have that recovery and relapse sheet.do it.

i have been where you are.

get to meetings ok

dalin · Senior Member

relapse inventory worksheet

Recovery/Relapse Inventory Worksheet

The whole point of this worksheet is to look back and identify and discover in what areas you failed to work your program of recovery. If we don’t learn from our relapses.....and become aware of what not to do again…..we are destined to repeat those same mistakes.

If you are willing to at least look at your thinking, feelings, and behavior that led up to the relapse…..you are moving towards recovery, not away from it.

It is just as important to look at assets, as well as liabilities. We look at what was working as opposed to what didn’t work and identify problem areas. These are the areas we want to bring into our awareness this time….so they won’t slip below the radar again.

In what ways was I actively working my program? (explain/describe, include feelings)
Meetings?
Sponsor?
Steps?
Higher power?
Service?

In what areas did I let my program slide or become complacent? (explain/describe, include feelings)
Meetings?
Sponsor?
Steps?
Higher power?
Service?

In what ways was my life manageable?(explain/describe, include feelings)
Mentally?
Emotionally?
Physically?
Spiritually?

In what ways was my life unmanageable? (explain/describe – be specific, include feelings)
Mentally?
Emotionally?
Physically?
Spiritually?

What events/situations affected my life negatively? (people, places, things, relationships, work)
How did I handle those events? (positive/negative)
What choices (self-will) do I think led me back into unmanageability?
Were these choices well thought out or impulsive reactions? Did you choose by default and ignore the warning signs)
In what ways was I in denial of the direction I was heading?
What circumstances could I have handled differently? In what way?

How was my emotional life unmanageable without the use of drugs? (in what ways – describe feelings and over what).

What were my thinking processes? (describe) Was I lying to myself? Did I justify my actions?

How did my behavior change? In what ways?

In what areas did I lack faith or not use my Higher Powers Guidance?

In what ways did my character defects come into play? (explain/describe all areas)
Denial?
Dishonesty?
Selfishness?
Stealing? Emotional stealing others trust?
Emotional, physical, sexual, financial manipulation of others?
Distrust of self and others?
Resentments? How they affected me and what actions did I take / or not take?
Self reliance/isolation?
Blame? Who did I blame for my feelings and why?
Did I abandon myself?

In what ways did I depend on others to meet my needs?
Where did I not take responsibility for myself and my program?
In what ways did I give my power to others?

Now looking at the answers to all these questions – Identify the problem areas?

List them:

What do I need to work on?
What do I need to watch for? Warning signs? Triggers?

In my best thinking…..How could I actively stay aware and work my program differently this time? (explain/describe).

What active actions can I take to promote my recovery?

How does my behavior need to change?

How will I rely on my Higher power to help me make these changes?

How can I align my will with my Higher powers guidance?

What can I do this time that I did not do last time to ensure a stronger program.

What does a complete surrender mean to me?
__________________

BigV · Senior Member

dalin wrote:

i hear you.

in these situations,words wont help.

it the actions that go with the words that can help.

hell if you are like me...i could sell ice to eskimos.but i can no longer do dope feind behavior to help me when my ass puts me in an unmanagable place.

go to a meeting......hell do 90 in90,and show her,dont tell her.get a sponsor.

we have that recovery and relapse sheet.do it.

i have been where you are.

get to meetings ok

THAT SAYS IT ALL, you've ran out of i'm sorrys time to take action and show her and don't |EXPECT her to trust you right away lose all expectations and try to understand HER and how she feels and keep that in your mind and heart.

I feel horrible for things I did to my ex girlfriend, things I said in frustration and anger and she finally left me to myself to live with all of that but you know what i'm glad she left me it has helped possibly make some changes in me that would have still been there if she hadn't left me, I can move on and maybe have a decent relationship without all that crap I had before, but it won't be with her, but thats ok.

I know its alot tougher with children involved, theres that much MORE REASON to try and get out of what you are in Sammy........

Lon · Senior Member

Hi Sammy,
We did not become addicts in a day..recovery comes over time, not overnight. Trust is earned over time also..and can be thrown away in a second of self-will. It does take time to heal the relationship with our families..and it is a matter of actions speaking louder than words. My family heard BS promise after BS promise from me. They had to see I was living in a new way. Might I suggest looking at http://www.na.org/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3109.pdf to help you stay in recovery today?
Life does get better, but we have to do our part..meetings, sponsor, steps! You are not alone.

Lon

peggy · Senior Member

The first rule of holes:
when your in one, stop digging
~ Molly Ivins, columnist

A Big person is not someone who never falls down.
A big person is someone who, when he or she falls,
does what it takes to get up again.
Marianne Williamson

huges and loves peggy

peggy · Senior Member

*Attitude*

Whether you think you can or think you can't you are RIGHT. Henry Ford.

Attitude shapes the quality of our lives. If we perceive ourselves as failures, as helpless victims who are only kidding ourselves with all this talk of recovery~& if that attitude is not contested~then, truly, we are not capable of change.

If, on the other hand, our attitude is positive a whole new set of realities emerges. Empowered by a different self perception, we see that our livess are largely of our own making, that the past does not have to rule us like a tyrant king, that we are more able than we ever dreamed, & that we are indeed capable of deciding anew who we will be & how we will live.

Reality itself only rarely determines outcomes. Our attitude toward that reality is what makes the difference. People in general are limited by attitude, not by opportunity. What one person judges to be a miserable rainy day may be to another a marvellous opportunity to sell umbrellas.

hugs and loves peggy

Dolphin123 · Newbie

Hi Sammy,

I hope I don't offend you by responding to your post.

I am an alanon member here on MIP. My husband is a addict. I read posts here and on the AA side to help me get a better understanding of my hubby and addiction.

I have seen my husband relapse several times. This disease has gotten a huge hold on him. And what your wife may not be able to see is the hold the disease has on her. I know for me it was so easy to blame my hubby for all the problems, he is the addict, he is the one using, it had to be all his fault. Ummmmmmm, I was wrong.

The one and only thing that helped me was a 12 step program. I had to get the focus off of him and back on me were it belonged. I know for me I was mad at my hubby and had been hurt by him, but the one who hurt me and damaged me the most wasn't him, it was me.

Also a better understanding of the disease was key for me. It helped me let go of a lot of the resentments that I had regarding my hubby. I know a lot of loved ones feel like failures if they can not find a way of making there addicited loved one stay clean or sober. This is why getting the focus back on me came in. I had to accept that I was powerless over his addiction.

Your wife is more than welcome over on the alanon side of MIP. We have meetings there twice a day, everyday.

My only true suggestion is take it easy, just like everyone, we need to be ready for help before we will seek it.

Yours in recovery,

Mandy

Brett thomas · Veteran Member

Sammy,

I had to go read chapter seven again after reading your post. Let me just say, I am not a text thumper, but sometimes the literature says it better than I can.

Many people think that recovery is simply a matter of not using drugs. They consider a relapse a sign of complete failure, and long periods of abstinence a sign of complete success. CHAPTER 7 RECOVERY AND RELAPSE.

If you haven't read this chapter, now is a good time. I tend to be the long term abstinent miserable bastard that just won't surrender to the basic spiritual principles in the program. I haven't (yet) found the need to pick up, but it is just as possible for me as it is for anyone else. I will not stay clean under my own power. I have no control over anything except the choices I make. I have just had to surrender to God because the alternative is to get high over nothing, to escape how I feel on a daily basis.

I've had to depend and trust others in the program, and that has been hard. I have to stop debating and fighting the simple instructions given to me in this simple program, and that my friend, is tough. I have to write down how I feel about myself and look at my part in everything, good and bad. I have to go over that info with someone I trust, and go to god with the negative and try and work on it so that it can be positive.

I have to admit I am wrong. Not only that, I have to make amends when I am, even if the end result isn't positive. Saying I am sorry isn't enough. I have to do whatever it takes to make it right, and sometimes I can't. I have to continuously seek God, and try to help others as much as possible, so that I can live in this world with acceptance, tolerance and peace.

Sounds like a big order....... do I need to finish the reading we hear at almost every meeting?

Man, I make lots of mistakes, I just haven't had to get high over any of them. It is a big order, and I can't do it all at once, I am just getting to the point where eazy does it is starting to ring true. I finally (for today at least) surrendered to God and said, "hey man, I make a mess out of things when I do it my way, show me a better way please." I hope I can do it tomorrow too.

Bottom line is, JUST FOR TODAY, YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN.........

I love you man, and your wife and kids do too.

Peace,

Brett thomas

Tahir · Member

Sammy wrote:

I did go to a meeting last night and it was a good one.
I was helpless... There was absolutely nothing I could say to ease her pain, because I am the pain.

I have been doing quite a bit of reading on the NarAnon site today and I even sent her the links to this site as well as the NarAnon. She has every right to leave me and from what I have read on the NarAnon site, that may just happen. But I have no control over that, and I know that. All I can control is staying clean.

Mike, thanks for sharing with us. I think you are right. You don't need any suggestions from us. You don't need to find any answers anymore. Maybe, you already have your answers, hidden somewhere in your own share. All you need is to admit and accept those truths that you have shared above, my friend.

This, too, shall pass. Keep sharing with us. Go to meetings, take a Sponsor and work the steps, Mike. I assure you, you wouldn't regret it. Allow the miracle of NA to work in your life. You deserve it, my friend.

Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.

peggy · Senior Member

hi mandy,

thank you for dropping in to our site and sharing your insites, you are always welcome and your wisdom is something we need as well. thanks for sharing . hugs peggy.

peggy · Senior Member

hi sammy , haven't heard from you in a while. would love to know how things are going.

you have friends here that have strength , hope and faith. let us share this with you...and your wife.

as long as you keep coming back , there is hope...huge hugs and love peggy

Tahir · Member

Yeah, how have you been my friend?

((((((((((Sammy))))))))))

Welcome to the Miracles In Progress Group of Narcotics Anonymous! This is not an official NA site, nor is it endorsed by the NA World Service Office.