Hi! I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to people. I'm the very much co-dependant girlfriend of an addict. I usually post in the Al-Anon boards but I like to read this board a lot.
My BF has been in rehab twice. Once in the States and the other time in Costa Rica were we live. He only stayed sober for a month or so both times.
I just wanted to ask you guys, how many times did you try to get clean? Could you get clean just from going to meetings or did you have to do rehab each time?Just wanted to know your personal experiences.
Also, It's awesome to read your experiences and know that there is hope for everybody and that no matter how hard the situation, if you want to, you can make it. Some of you guys really impressed me. Congrats!!
Hi Violetta. A multitude of times..till I found NA. I was facing consequences if I used again..and had to look at random tests for 3 years. That fear of random testing kept me clean until I wanted recovery..until I wanted what I saw in the rooms of NA. Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
I'm probably like Dalin, I can tell you that in 1993 I was introduced to AA while in my first treatment program, since then i've probably been in treatment another 6-8 times and in and out of AA and some NA.
I had nearly 6 years this year and relapsed for a day and now have almost 4 months on the 6th of next month.
Few get it the first time trying, very very few make it 1 year , the odds are small and not in our favor but some of us get it thru the educational variety type of learning, some of us are very stubborn people full of hurts habits and hangups so it can really be tough dealing with ourselves and our addictions .
I am still trying to get it... I had a siezure from an overdose in October of 2003. I went through detox and then started attending meetings (occasionally), but still hadn't hit my bottom and continued to use and stopped attending meetings. Then in June of 2004, I hit, what I hope and pray, was my bottom. I was caught ordering pain meds through the mail and was threatened with jail time and loss of my job. For me, that was my greatest fear, so that is why it affected me so much. See, I have a wonderful wife, and two beautiful children, so the thought of losing them, having to explain why daddy was going to jail, etc. was just too much.
Lucky for me though, my job put me through rehab and then an outpatient treatment program. Then I was allowed to come back to work. My problem though, was that I really didn't work on myself in rehab. I was too worried about losing my family and just wanted to go home. So I got out in August of 2004, started attenting NA meetings regularly, but still wasn't getting it. I got frustrated, have relapsed a few times since, but have eventually been honest about them with my family, and am going back to meetings again. So right now, I am not really counting clean time. Strangely enough, the things being said in meetings now are starting to make sense to me. It just takes time.
Last night, the speaker was talking about his first experience with NA. He has 20 years under his belt, but he said that it was about a 4 year process from hitting his bottom, to really embracing the program. But once he did, he hasn't looked back. So I hope and pray that I am just experiencing what he went through and maybe in a year I can really look myself in the face and say OK... Day 1 and then continue to count and 20 years later say Wow Year 20. But it is all up to the individual and how badly he/she wants it and how far each person has to fall before they experience their own personal bottoms.
I understand your agony as I have seen my parents go thru the same experiences for many years... They tried hard, in every possible way they can, to save me from my disasters and self-destructive episodes, but it was never enough...
When I finally did start recovering, they had given it all up and let go of me. They started living their own lives, leaving me to my fate, and perhaps, to their Higher Power to take care of.
Today, I have many friends who are still trapped in the madness of this disease, even a few sponsees of mine... I have also indulged in codependent behavior in their context, trying to seduce them, save them, punish them and sometimes, feeling like a victim when everything fails...
Today, I realize and accept the fact that I'm powerless over them all and their disease of addiction, and if I try to change them or control their lives, my life becomes unmanageable, and in the process, I end up defying their Higher Power's will for them... I surrender them all to my Higher Power, knowing that my Higher Power knows best, and loves them as I love them too...
In God's own time, not mine...
However, I see to it that I'm always there for them, when they ask for help, and at times, just be there with them, not saying or suggesting anything, but just listen to their pain when they pour out all that is aching their heart... that makes a lot of difference for these loved ones of mine... they know that when they have had enough and when they are ready and willing, help is available... but until then, I don't interfere in their process of recovery... enforced morality has never worked for me, and I don't believe I can give what I don't have...
Hope this helps... Keep the faith...
Over to the care of our Higher Power,
Prayers and Peace ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
i was just wondering how things were going for you. i haven't heard anything so i thought i'd send you a quick hi and say we are still thinking and praying for you and your loved ones...
Thanks for all your answers. Well I'm doing fine, thank God. Still I don't feel my NABF is REALLY ready to stay sober. He still thinks he can do it by himself. But all your answers gave me hope, lots of hope. And even if he relapses, I have seen amazing changes in him thanks to the program, so I know, it works and it will keep working.
