Hello, my name is J'Kee Aboujaoude', and I am a 21yr. single mom of two. I do not understand my mom. I have been dealing with her problems for a life time and I feel like my world is coming to an end. She was suppose to watch my babies while I went to a friends for dinner and then she left my kids at the house and walked clear across town to tell me I abandoned them and I am going to lose them for somking bud. I am currently going for my RN and soon will go for my nursings practioniers, but I do not know how to deal with these drama full situations. She broke out my house window last night. I mean God must have me surrounded by some drama magnetic feild because I am not able to have a so called normal life. I have truly been questioning the point of our lives here on earth and I am who has gone on mission trips over seas and loves to spread the word of God, but induring all this pain makes me question the point. I mean look at the crap my babies have to look forward to, but I am sure it will be a hell of a lot harder. I need a mom or someone who will love me and just encourage me. Or a dad. I never got one of those growing up. I wish God would just be there for my mom and make her stable. She has so much hatered towards me from my childhood, because my grandparents pretty much raised me. I would always call when there was a problem and they were their for me and my sister so my mom hates me for that. She said I would always ruin her life and take control. I am co-dependent as I am sure you may tell from trying to be there for my mom and take care of her. I just need understanding and prayers. Please help. Please. Thank you for your time. God Bless.
i'm glad you found this site, the people here are very caring and have wonderful insights..
i'm new here myself and feel at home already. \\
i've been surfing these recovery sites the last few days and just the other day i came across this other one on "Miracles In Recovery"
ADULT CHILDREN ANONYMOUS ( ACA )
just found this somewhere and boy ,oh boy, does it ever sound like me, no wonder i became a druggy and had the people in my life that i did...the funny thing about it is that my parents rarely drank , guess they were just dysfunctional....i could of done a thousand times worse then them, they loved me and what more can a person ask for in there parents , they did the best they knew how. i only wish that they could of gotten the help i'm now getting through NA.
i heard somewhere that for the lucky ones who are in a recovery program, there quality of life is better then the normal person out there. way to go guy!!!!!!! not only do we help each other stay alive and stay clean, but we help each other get better lives...better then the average "joe blow" on the streets. ... and here i thought we were the odd balls, the screw ups. just goes to show you that HP works in mysterious ways.. hope everyones having a great day...
Here are some common characteristics of Acoas ( adults who grew up in alcoholic or other dysfunctional homes)
1) We have feelings of low self-worth, and judge ourselves and others without mercy 2) We tend to isolate and feel uneasy around people we do not know, especially authority figures 3) We are approval seekers , and will do anything to get people to like us 4) We are intimidated by angry people, and personal criticism. 5) We habitually choose to have relationships with people we can pity or rescue 6) We live life as victims and are attracted to other victims in our love and friendship relationships. 7) We are either overly responsible or very irresponsible 8) We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act assertively. 9) We deny, minimize, or repress our feelings. 10) We have dependent personalities and are terrified of rejection or abandonment. 11) Denial, isolation, control, and misplaced guilt lead us to feel helpless and hopless. 12) We have difficulty with intimate relationships. We feel insecure and lack trust in others. We don't have clearly defined boundaries, and become enmeshed with our partner's needs and feelings.
if you'd like to learn more about this, as i do, there's a message board there that you can look through and see if anyone there you might relate to. i think from the what i understand from your writing that they might understand where you are at better then the NA site.
but do come back to us and let us share with you . i believe the more information we have the the better we armed we are to deal with whatever life throws at us...
take care of yourself and i hope this helps....we're here for you...
Sometimes, life does throw up painful experiences at us. Even though I cannot imagine the turmoil you might be going through, know that you are not alone. There are many like us who can walk with each other, through all the pain and agony that one of us might have to go through, by sharing it with each other. The good thing about bad things is that they have to come to an end...
Blessings and Peace ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Oh, thank you so much. I agree so much to everything you are saying. It totally defines who I have let myself become, or I guess how I have adapted. How do I visit the ACA meetings or view the site? Thank you so much
I'm not sure how i found it...lol... but i'll try to retrack my steps and will let you know how i did it . after i found it i added it to my favourates so all i have to do is click on it in my favourates.. but i'll try and hunt it down how i did it, right now... take care and have faith... see ya soon with what i've found out....ttyl....peggy
2) click on the topic " sticky, work board info. (from john)
3) click on the underlined web site "http:// stepwork.activeboard.com"
4) the step board should open with a guy waling up some steps, click the dark box in the left hand upper corner, which reads "miracles in progress".
5) from there a site should open with colored boxes. click on the one that says " ACoA Message Board" .
Browse through the other sites if you get a chance, you might find more things that catch your interest...
you can read the message boards to your hearts content, but to respond you'll have to register, just like you did with our NA site
good hunting and i hope this helps. if you run into any problems finding it yourself , give me a boo and i'll see if i can help...take care ..ttyl.. peggy
okay I am going to go check it out. I will get back to you either tomarrow night after classes or wensday. Thank you so much for your time Peggy. I am so desperiatly in need of a friend.
my understanding of the program,which has taken years to get,has come thru simplicity.the guy who taugt me this was greg p,who wrote two of the postings here,pathways and gregs last share.
na has an awesome program.when i focus on the na program,and not the problems(whatever outside issues,people,places,things, childhood,government,any sideways issue that gets in the way of my first step) is the way my addiction is acting up now.
it wants me to blame my responsibilities outward,loving to hide behing outside things,and loving the unmanagability it creats.
i did it with my disfunctional parents and the persian gulf war.
he told me that if i wasnt the problem,then there was no solution.
said that i needed to read na's first step,and see how all the outside issues were causing me to live in denial,in the hamster cage on a diferant issue.
i had to find a na member with a few years clean,who knew about addiction,and how it took anything,and complicated my life with it.
simplicity is the key for na members
thanks
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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
So true, Dalin. Thanks for sharing that. Hugs and Love.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Peggy, great info you posted. Thanks. Glad we have you here. Hugs and Love. I was also about to suggest Jkee to try out the other forums here at MIP apart from this one. This portal is an awesome support system for many like us, afflicted with all kinds of problems. Grateful that I found this place.
-- Edited by Tahir at 15:00, 2006-10-24
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
one of my favorate sayings is ' keep it simple stupid '....now that i think about , maybe it's time i find a more positive one...heehee....lol...but you're right, we can complicate the most simple of things and ride the roller coaster of the aftermath of our thinking....
i know i have a drug problem, but i need to know what triggers my need to use, what i found in drugs that i was lacking in my life. stopping is easy. staying clean is harder, and finding out 'why' is the hardest of all for me. until i know the problem , i can't fix it...
i'm on a mission to find these answers, so that when life throws me a curve ball i don't go running for cover into the nearest drug....but am strong enough to stand my ground.
you guys are great , i love hearing from you all...ttyl. peggy
hi dalin, i don't quite understand what you mean..."we admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable."
he told me that if i wasnt the problem,then there was no solution.
LIKE I WAS TOLD,DO THESE OUTSIDE ISSUES TAKE ME TO THE FIRST STEP OR AWAY FROM IT?
is finding the 'root cause' of my addictions taking me away from the first step? don't you think that our addictions are caused by our experiances before we started using?
one of my favorate sayings is ' keep it simple stupid '....now that i think about , maybe it's time i find a more positive one...heehee....lol...but you're right, we can complicate the most simple of things and ride the roller coaster of the aftermath of our thinking....
i know i have a drug problem, but i need to know what triggers my need to use, what i found in drugs that i was lacking in my life. stopping is easy. staying clean is harder, and finding out 'why' is the hardest of all for me. until i know the problem , i can't fix it...
i'm on a mission to find these answers, so that when life throws me a curve ball i don't go running for cover into the nearest drug....but am strong enough to stand my ground.
you guys are great , i love hearing from you all...ttyl. peggy
The fourth step once you do it will point out many many things about yourself and where they came from, so do it thouroughly and honestly leave nothing out or you'll miss out on understanding and changing some of the very things we use over
Hey, I get a feeling that we are all trying to say the same thing, but in our own different ways
As BigV said, we do need to go to the root of our addiction, to know the exact nature of our wrongs beyond the apparently obvious symptoms, to bring about a transformation from deep within... and Steps Four and Five are the best tools that we have to do exactly that...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hi Jkee, how are you doing ? have the sites been able to help you out. i hope so. let us know how things are going , because you are not alone , we're are always here for you if you need a friend or just wanting to get something off your chest....take care of yourself and ttyl..peggy
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
