just found this somewhere and boy ,oh boy, does it ever sound like me, no wonder i became a druggy and had the people in my life that i did...the funny thing about it is that my parents rarely drank , guess they were just dysfunctional....i could of done a thousand times worse then them, they loved me and what more can a person ask for in there parents , they did the best they knew how. i only wish that they could of gotten the help i'm now getting through NA.
i heard somewhere that for the lucky ones who stay clean , which sad to say the odds are against most of us , but for the lucky few , there quality of life is better then the normal person out there that has no addictions to drugs or alcohol....
way to go guy!!!!!!! not only do we help each other stay alive and stay clean, but we help each other get better lives...better then the average "joe blow" on the streets. ... and here i thought we were the odd balls, the screw ups. just goes to show you that HP works in mysterious ways.. hope everyones having a great day...
Here are some common characteristics of Acoas ( adults who grew up in alcoholic or other dysfunctional homes)
1) We have feelings of low self-worth, and judge ourselves and others without mercy 2) We tend to isolate and feel uneasy around people we do not know, especially authority figures 3) We are approval seekers , and will do anything to get people to like us 4) We are intimidated by angry people, and personal criticism. 5) We habitually choose to have relationships with people we can pity or rescue 6) We live life as victims and are attracted to other victims in our love and friendship relationships. 7) We are either overly responsible or very irresponsible 8) We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act assertively. 9) We deny, minimize, or repress our feelings. 10) We have dependent personalities and are terrified of rejection or abandonment. 11) Denial, isolation, control, and misplaced guilt lead us to feel helpless and hopless. 12) We have difficulty with intimate relationships. We feel insecure and lack trust in others. We don't have clearly defined boundaries, and become enmeshed with our partner's needs and feelings.
That is very true, Peggy. Sometimes, I wonder how my life would have been so different from what it is today, if not for my addiction... a mundane and monotonous affair...
Addiction was only a small price that I had to pay to get this amazing and miraculous program of healing and transformation in my life today...
If I had not used and became an addict, perhaps, I would never have got an opportunity to be exposed to the light of the 12 Steps... Grateful that I picked up and messed up big
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Here are some common characteristics of Acoas ( adults who grew up in alcoholic or other dysfunctional homes)
1) We have feelings of low self-worth, and judge ourselves and others without mercy 2) We tend to isolate and feel uneasy around people we do not know, especially authority figures 3) We are approval seekers , and will do anything to get people to like us 4) We are intimidated by angry people, and personal criticism. 5) We habitually choose to have relationships with people we can pity or rescue 6) We live life as victims and are attracted to other victims in our love and friendship relationships. 7) We are either overly responsible or very irresponsible 8) We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act assertively. 9) We deny, minimize, or repress our feelings. 10) We have dependent personalities and are terrified of rejection or abandonment. 11) Denial, isolation, control, and misplaced guilt lead us to feel helpless and hopless. 12) We have difficulty with intimate relationships. We feel insecure and lack trust in others. We don't have clearly defined boundaries, and become enmeshed with our partner's needs and feelings.
Thanks, Peggy, for that info. It was quite insightful and enlightening. Keep pouring on us, Peggy. Glad we have you here.
Today, in the course of my relationship with my wife, I realize that I have dragged with me a baggage from the past ~ my family-of-origin issues ~ the dysfunctional coping skills that I picked up along the way from my family, community and society due to what I saw, experienced, what I was told as a boy and exposure to acculturation and feeding my mind with many misconceptions for years. Today, I end up transferring these dysfunctional patterns in my relationship sometimes...
I'm grateful that I'm able to be aware and identify what's happening in my life and in me today, and admit my follies by trying to change my ways, by unlearning what I have stored in my mind and learning anew the NA way...
The old attitude and ideas have to die. No point staying clean but following the same way of thinking and living as I always did. If drugs don't kill me, my lifestyle would. I either have to change my way of life or change my clean date.
-- Edited by Tahir at 14:56, 2006-10-19
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Tahir, I'm right with you man, i can SOOOO relate!!!!never in a million years would i of thought that falling off the wagon would acually be a "GOOD" thing. but man oh man it was....
i am learnig and growing more in the past 12 weeks then i did in the 13 years i was "dry". if i hadn't slipped , and hadn't gotten into the horrable mess i got into , i would never of had the balls to finally serander and go looking for help.with my eyes wide open grasping at anything i thought might help me get though this hard time and find a way to a better life. i knew there is one waiting for me out there somewhere for me
i was tired long before i starting using again. i knew it wasn't working i just didn't know how to fix it.
through this fearless search for understanding i used everything avalible to me up here.
and on one of those seaching missions i found you and others in NA who have shown me that there is a better life out there for all of us. if we look, if we leason, and if we keep an open heart.....
never would i of said the it was a myrical that i fell, totalled my car , lost my job, began depend on aother person.
but those are exactly what needed for me to go through and find the help and support i need to become the person i know i can be, i know it's a long road with losts of set backs ,but every time i manage to take a step forward , god that feel great.....
.....................We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act assertively....................
Peggy wow, awesome information. I found all to be true about me expect the line I placed at the top. Thank you so much for sharing. You know I always thought I had a "normal" family but the more I remember as I work my program I realize what a disfunctional family we really were. The only thing I do today is live for myself because I have come to realize that I can only live my life, I am POWERLESS.
Again Thank you so much for sharing that, You take care and have a good 24.
The only thing I do today is live for myself because I have come to realize that I can only live my life, I am POWERLESS.
My ex-sponsor always says "One cannot please everyone. You cannot please anyone and make them happy no matter how hard you try. So at least please yourself, that way, you make at least one person happy ~ YOU."
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
