I'm new to all this on line na..

peggy · Senior Member

I'm new to all this on line na..

BigV · Senior Member

Welcome Peggy.

Looks like you've gotten a good start what we do is post to each others threads, or you can start one just the way you've done. A particular topic or question can make a thread just whatever you'd like to share or you can comment or ask questions in other peoples threads or posts, simple as that just get in and get involved.

This is a very small site with a few active members, Dalin, Tahir, Raman, post the most here. There are few others who will pop in now and then also.

peggy · Senior Member

thank you for replying to my questions , i'll give it a go and hopefully learn along the way, just llike with na..one step at a time and one day at a time...

the reason i decided to check this out is because the last couple of meetings i've gone to i started getting teary for no reason... i had to leave the meetings early. i don't know what's triggering these outbrusts of tears. until now i would always feel better after a meeting , and 9 out of 10 times i would hear something that i needed to hear that day or something i could use as a tool to get through my day...now i'm afraid to even go to a meeting incase it happens again. until i can figure out whats wrong i don't want everyone feeling sorry for me or have them watching me cry at every meeting . so i remembered someone talking about online NA so i thought to check you guys out and see if i can handle this..

on sat. night i had to leave 15 minutes into the meeting , i was in a good mood at the beginning of the meeting but as the second person talked i started again , crying , i went to the bathroom and saw how red my face and eyes were so i just walked out of the building leaving my coat behind...when i got home i was fine again . .. so at 5 to the hour i went back thinking the meeting would end right away. but two more people talked and the only way i could get through it was to start counting the times table on my fingers...1x1=1 . 1x2=2 1x3=3......i got to the 12 times table before the meeting was over ...then as someone came to see if i was ok i started crying for real...

i think i'm losing it... emotionally . if i wasn't "fixed" and celabite, i'd say i was pregnant...lol..because i'm acting just like i've heard pregnant women do ...fine one minute then teary the next...

BigV · Senior Member

I know the feeling it happens to me when I go to church .

This can be an emoional roller coaster just have to get to know those feelings and identify the emotions, maybe crying is what you need to do? if it's coming out maybe it's something you've been holding in, like a soda bottle thats been shaken up and ready to burst. I say let yourself cry and see whats on the other side those people in the meeting will understand your hurt trust me.

dalin · Senior Member

i am glad you are here.

how much clean time do you have?

cuz in that first year we all ride that emotional roller coaster.

go to meetings.share about your feelings.

OUR SECTETS KEEP US SICK........

the folks will understand.

get a sponsor.

my sponsor has helped me so much.with my dads death this week,he has been there for me.

share in meetings and share in here.

build relationships with the women in the meetings,especialy ones with a few years clean.

peggy · Senior Member

hi bigv, hi dalin ,

i don't understand why i'm behaving this way, 3/4 of the way through reading your response,dalin, my eyes started to water up. even through the computer....lol...now that's sad...

about myself.....

what do say , hi my name is peggy and i'm an addict.....good start

my last day of using was may 25th or so i can't really remember because that time was total kaous. but that's the day i picked . i started attending na and aa a month later as homework from my councellor. the town i ran away to is small and they only have two na meeting per week, which has a small fallowing, so to get my 90 days in i had to go to aa's. i've had a hard time finding my place in aa, I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC...

when i went to my first na meeting i took to heart the part about being totally honest , willing , and open. i had this strong need to be totally honest with myself and with others. i knew right away that this way is the only way to get better and the life i'm looking for. i don't want to say one thing and then have someone see me with a beer in my hand at a pub.

i'm rambling....lol...

until just recently i always walked away from all the meetings with a lighter heart. hearing something i needed on each occation. for the first three weeks of attending the meetings i was high on my pink cloud, only to crash down to earth on my two mouth tag. troubles with the friend that brought me up here caused me to stale in my recovery. i was putting so much effort in keeping my friend from pushing me into a relationship i don't want and being totally dependent on him for food shelter and support. and his chasing all the people away from me to protect me from 13 steppers. he was even acting jealous of the old timers who were 76 years old!

i turned to him because he had been in the aa program for 18 years...i thought he'd understand what relasping was all about.and what i was going through. now that all the people have stopped coming around he's easied off. i no longer have the same hope and enthusiasum of making friends and being excepted as a person , a straight one who can make and have friends.

i was heavy into drugs for about 6 years. switching from one to another. then in 1993 i stopped using for 13 years. aa calls this a dry drunk because i never went to any meetings or got any councelling. i just excisted. i was rather proud of myself thinking what's so hard about quiting and staying clean.

until i started going to meetings (after my fall from grace) and i realized that this accomblishment i was so proud of was only me hiding away from all temptation, in my home away from everything. friends , events, life itself.

the only time i felt comfortable with people was when i was partying. then i felt like i fit in . that i was the same as everyone else. something i was finally good at! at least until my addictions got the better of me and i felt worse then ever. more isolated, more out of place.

my rambling has finally run it's course...thanks for leasoning via cyber space....

Tahir · Member

HI PEGGY, WELCOME HOME! GLAD WE HAVE YOU HERE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING WITH US. AND YES, CONGRATS ON SO MANY 24 HOUR MIRACLES! YOU ROCK. WAY TO GO. KEEP SHARING WITH US. WE NEED YOU.

For me, there is nothing more healthy than crying. It is so very healing and natural for a human being to do. As a child, I was told that boys don't cry and that it is shameful to cry openly in front of someone. Today, I realize how stupid it is to be like that, not cry, not show people that we are emotional and vulnerable. So, Peggy, don't worry about crying in NA rooms, it's alright. It's ok to cry. I have seen oldtimers who are decades clean get emotional and start crying while sharing... and I have cried with them too on those occasions... Those experiences have been so intimate and beautiful for me... accepting my emotions, my vulnerability and my humanity, has in fact allowed me to be just me... what a freedom that is... Grateful to the NA program...

And yes, I'm Tahir, in recovery for over two years now, from India.

Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.

dalin · Senior Member

http://www.nawol.org/2006_ch6%20RECOVERY.htm

dalin · Senior Member

THE LAST SIGHT MAY HELP.

keep coming

we can help if you are willing.

we can · Senior Member

Hi Peggy and welcome

I envey the people who can cry at meetings. For me I see them sharing there honest raw emotions, and it's so real and beautiful. I try to alow myself to cry when I need to but my ego still gets in the way most times. Try looking at your crying as beautiful raw emotions that your sharing with others, I know I appriciate when others share that way it always helps me.

Tahir · Member

dalin wrote:

http://www.nawol.org/2006_ch6%20RECOVERY.htm

THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF LITERATURE ON THE RECOVERY PROCESS CLEARING MANY ASPECTS THAT SEEMINGLY CONFUSE US WHEN THEY OCCUR IN THE COURSE OF OUR RECOVERY. THIS CHAPTER CLEARS MANY CONFUSIONS AND GENTLY LEADS US TO AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US, THUS LEADING TOWARDS GREATER SELF-ACCEPTANCE. I WOULD RECOMMEND IT AS A MUST READ FOR ANY RECOVERING ADDICT IN NA.

Tahir · Member

Hi Peggy, how are you feeling now? Hope you feel better now. Keep sharing to utilize the power of healing that results from doing so. Prayers and best wishes.

Raman · Guru

Hi Peggy,,,,,

nice sharing youve done about your situation !!!

Gives me hope too !!!

However I wanted to clarify something with you=

are you crying in sadness for all that you lost during using years,,????

Or are you still in withdrawls and pain from not using ?????

or is it the tears of identification,,, getting in touch with lost feelings that one feels again when one hears a sharing that one can relate to ???

Or ,,,(most importantly!!!),,, are you crying in joy ????

like crying with joy for having found something ,,,,the answer to your addiction,,,joy at having cpnnected with the 12 Step Program of NA ???

Crying with joy for having found folks that arent afraid to say=

""""MY NAME IS SO AND SO,,,,AND IM AN ADDICT !!!!""""

Crying for joy at having found a Fellowship of folks that once suffered as one did,,,,

I used to feel that way,,, not actually literally cry,,, but my soul sang and wept in joy for finding NA !!!!!

God Bless you in your recovery,,, wherever you maybe !!!!!

-- Edited by Raman at 15:03, 2006-10-17

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