http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/nar-anon/

Darkbeauty,   I know exactly what you are going through.  My husband has had an addiction to oxycontin for the past 2 years.  He has only been sober for 2 weeks at the longest after going to detox.  He is going through detox again now.  I also feel alone, life is spinning out of control.  I ask myself the same questions...Is love enough?  What else could i do?  How long do i continue to live with this?  When do you quit trying?  Does he understand what i am going through?

Just so you know, you are not alone.  I am here also...waitting to exhale.

i've lived with two addicts myself and can relate to the drama of every day life living with one...the more my guys got into the drugs the more they became manipulative...i was there support, without me they wouldn't of been able to use as much , or they might of found some else to live off of. to keep control over me they would accuse me of everything from cheating to hiding or using there drugs..and i couldn't have friends because one of these friends might make me see the light of day and take away there free meal ticket .... guys just want to get in your pants .... and the girls just wanted to get into guys pants ... so both sexes were a cause for great arguments... it got so bad that if i went to the grocory store for food and took 20 minutes he acussed me of being on the phone with some guy... ranting and raving when i got back ,,,,,, i was always so busy justifing my actions and trying to prove that he was wrong that i didn't look at his actions and question him... and to try to keep the ranting and raving down to a minimum i would bent to his demands....was a sick way to live and i'm glad i'm out of it. ... up i know that i could very easily get emeshed in the same kind of realationship again because i hate and fear confrontations of any kind.....tht's my story , yours might not be this bad. all i know is he kept me stoned and isolated to control me.....not a fun way to live....

i wish i had an answer for you two. but i don't, not at this moment...but i have found that sharing your feeling with others help. these people have lived the life and know or have seen what you're going through... keep coming back , you never know when you'll hear something that clicks...that gives you the answers you've been looking for....god bless and stay strong.and take care... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!  i wish i would of known about these sites back then..i was so naive back then ....

blackbeauty and lisa , how are you doing , just wanted to let you know we're thinking about ya , and keeping you in our prayers....drop us a line ..love hearing from you....ttyl..peggy

Dark Beauty,

I have been where you are and I decided to leave. My husband of 25 years abused booze first and quit 5 years ago. 2 years ago he started using cocaine. I knew something was up but I didn't know what. The mood swings and that everything outside of us or our life was so much more important to him was my big clue. Then I found our that he had taken out all the money in his retirement account, $50,000, and spent it all on drugs. I left in October and he came clean to me a month later and is now in treatment. We still live apart. This was the hardest decision I ever had to make but I think it was the best for both of us.

Now that I am on my own I can see things so much clearer. I still love him with all of my heart and I want him to get better but I can't do it for him. We still see each other but I have rules the biggest being no drugs when he is with me. But it is such a relief to leave the daily drama behind.

On his own he goes to meetings and is in out patient treatment. He has been clean for 60 days.

Our mistake with the booze was that just quitting isn't enough. He can quit anything but he just picks up a new habit to replace it. This time he is in therepy to find out why he does the things he does as well as NA meetings almost every night. Hopefully the therepy, support, and NA will give him the tools he needs to stay clean.

I am not saying that this has been easy. It was heart wrenching and there are days where I am still so angry at him for all he has done between the drugs and the booze, the loss of 2 great jobs, and that he was spending 50,000 while he was unemployed and I was supporting us all alone.  Some days the anger is overwhelming and some days he just makes me sad.

I don't know if we will ever be as we were, which might be the best thing for both of us, but I know that I just want him to get well and find a way to be happy.

I just wanted you to know that there are alternatives to staying and that there is light at the end of every tunnel.

I left for me but it was the best thing for both of us.