yesterday sucked, but I thought today may be better. I went to the meeting last night even though I didn't want to. couple of days ago the phone was shut off, this morning I wake up and the cable was turned off (don't know why the internet is still working....I contacted the cable company last week and told them i would be a couple weeks late but would pay on the 19th)I am just so close to the edge now it's not funny-I know this crap wouldn't have happened if i had not spent my money on pills I am just so TIRED mentally and physically
youll be ok even though it dosent feel that way right now, you will be.when i use i spend all my money i dont care if the rent gets paid,or theres food in the house or the lights get paid i dont care about anything else but using my responsibilities are no longer a priority, call the cable company and whoever else you have to call and explain to them again that you are having financil difficulties and you need help, it may or may not work, there may be something they can do for you it cant hurt to ask talk to them and talk about how your feeling we have all been there, unfortunately there are consequenses for using,i know you know that already, i ve ,lost my house ,my job evn the dog,all my clothes,the car everything and i have to start over from scratch and its happened more than once evrytime i use i loose, so i understand completely .dont beat yourself up just call as soon as you can keep going to meetings
Stay sober/clean and God will make sure you have everything you've lost back + sum, but when you get it back remember it was HE who gave it to you and it's not really yours , it's yours but only yours to take care of and be greatful that he gave it back to you all you did was the footwork.
It's not easy if it was easy everyone would be doing it, but we're doing it right along with you Adriana we all struggle along at times. Got to give yourself a break from the burden of worry and pain and that doesn't include using which is the easy way out and it has no long term promiss's of good only bad things, you stay sober good things are to come you get loaded and nothing but bad will come, thats a promiss.
thanks mercedes and V! I'm still clean-I had to stop and read the book and pray, it's only cable-I can get it back in a couple of weeks(but I'd better hunt up the electric bill and see when it is due) I thought about not going anywhere tonight cause there's no meeting tonight in my town, and I'm just to nervous to drive very far, so I prayed. next thing I know I'm calling everyone on the call list to see who was going to a meeting (people I didn't even know, which is not like me at all) and after about an hour I went to look for something I thought "I give up!" but didn't find anything (didn't look too hard) so I kept calling and finally one of the guys from my home meetings called me back and he's picking me up. I know it's only because I prayed that I tried so hard to find someone to get a ride with, and now I'm going to take an ibuprophen for my headache and rest until Nate gets home. so anyways I think I may actually make it, just have to remember that the low times won't last forever (it's hard while your going through it though, isn't it?!)
congrats again V on your 90 days, that is GREAT!!
(you know it is odd and lucky that my internet is working today cause it is cable internet)
The cable TV and the internet must be seperate accounts, different cable lines actually too probably.
Your doing and taking the neccessary steps today, and thats all that it takes do something other then what your used to doing to get thru that moment, and yes it can be a struggle but you'll get used to it. This excites me when I see you doing something other then using, I have hope for you, you just might make it girl
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
