Hi Family,

As many of you now know, two of my aunts were brutally murdered in Fort Myers, Fla. on the 10th of Sept, two weeks ago.

Well, on Saturday, Sept 23rd, the person who murdered them was caught in Topeka, Kanas and is now in jail there.  He was identified by finger prints and other forscenic evidence from both the home and the car he took from it, which was found in Fort Lauderdale, fla next to the grayhound bus station.  He has confessed to their murders.

Through out this ordeal, I have yet to express any real sorrow or grief... just raw anger, hatred towards a person I couldn't put a face on...

I wasn't close to these two woman, but they were family regardless.  The last of my mothers family of orgin.

My mother and my two aunts lived a hard life in their younger years.  Their father, my grandfather, was a alcoholic.  Proverty and fear was a daily companion in their childhood lives.  Eventually this diease killed him.  He was found on the streets of Brooklyn, NY under a pile of newspaper, dead.  He had froze to death in a state of drunken homelessness one winter night.  My grandmother didn't know how to live in the absince of searching for him, rescuing him, catering to his wounds, visiting him at hospitals, getting him out of jails, etc.  That was her life for over 40 years. 

It was also the life of my two aunts.  They stayed by my grandmothers side from childhood, until the day she died of poor health.  The bond between these two sisters was obvious to anyone who knew them.

After grandmothers death, they decided NY only had a history of pain and sorrow, loss, etc so they would move to Fla. get a place next to the ocean, and capture a bit of joy out of what life, laughter and loving they had left.

My mother had basically run from the insanity of a alcoholic childhood home when she was 16 years old.  She met my father, who at 17 joined the Air Force.  They got married and military adventures around the USA and Europe became her escape from the pain.  Which from childhood I could see in her eyes.  She gave birth to five children, I was the middle child, the first son.  When I was born, she was only 19 years old, and the only example of parenthood she had been exposed to as a child was all she had to work with. 

My father retired from the Air Force, at the age of 32, went to work for the State of Texas and also retired from that job after another 20 years in the work force.  Within 4 years of obtaining these two retirements he was dead, due to cancer.  My mother died 2 years later.

Now my two aunts are murdered, the last of my mothers family of origin.

Due to my own alcoholism, I was not close to any family members, immediate or extended.  In fact, alcoholism basted with a great amount of guilt and shame had placed me in the absince of any family contact for the better part of 20 years. No visits, no phone calls, no mail.  No contact with any family at all.

After a few years of recovery, I reunited with my immediate family as a part of my personal recovery process.  My father, who I had ran from at the age of 12 years old, became my best friend.

At my fathers funeral was the first and last time I saw these two aunts.

My Aunt Pat cried hard as soon as she was informed of who I was.  She had spent years waiting to be told that my life had come to an end the way her alcoholic fathers had.  We hugged for several minutes.  Aunt Judy was distant, she had learned early on in life that alcoholics do disappearing acts and was afraid to allow herself to get to know me.  This was the first time I had seen either of them since the age of approximately 9 years old.

This was 13 years ago.  I hadn't seen or communicated with either of them with since.  I had grown up and failed to develope the bond of family that others take for granted.

Today, I am saddened that I let so many family members pass on without being able to show them the love I have always wanted and needed for myself.

The love of a family member.  I am hurting today, for I have lost what I never really had, family with extended family.

At the same time, there is a great thing happening in the mist of all this.

My oldest sister, who was very close to these two aunts have found each other as sources of comfort and understanding.

I spent 2 days visiting her in Va. a month ago, and she came to my house immediately after my aunts deaths two weeks ago.  She is coming back to visit again for a few days the first week end of Oct.  This situation has taken a toll on her for she had just went to fla to visit these two relatives a month before they were brutally murdered.

This morning I prayed that God not allow another family member, immediate or extended died without my having gotten a chance to know them and them know me.  I am saddened that I didn't do more to reach out to these two aunts over the past 13 years and establish family relations with them.

My absince from family had been so long before I entered recovery that extended family members (Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins, etc.) thought I was the director of the funeral parlor, at my fathers funeral.  "Sir, could you tell me where the rest room is?", "Sir, what time does the funeral parlor close tonight?"  "Could you tell me where the designated smoking area is?"... It was only at the dinner following the funeral they discovered I was the lost child..."Johnny??"  Thats you?  My gawh, I thought you were... the funeral director!"

My aunt Pat, after wiping her tears said to me... "No matter what you do, where you go, for whatever reason... know that I love you Johnny, and always have".

May my Aunt Pat and Aunt Judy, meet my mother and their their mother in the Heavens above and share a beautiful place together in one of God's many manisons.

Yours in Recovery,

John

PS.  Article related to the capture of my aunt's murderer is at

http://www.news-press.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060924/NEWS0110/309240001/1075