I have been attending NA meetings for a short time now. I've been clean off my d.o.c. (drug of choice) for 2 years, but I have recently relapsed on other drugs. This leads me to believe that I cannot make my recovery permanent without help, and my therapist highly recommends NA. She says that NA has a lower relapse rate than the best (in-patient) treatment program there is.
I've been paired up with a sponsor. She is well respected, friendly, and has been clean for two years. However, I am a shy person, practically a hermit. She has given me her phone number but i feel strange using it. It's not that I'm too proud to ask for help and admit that I can't do this alone. It's definitely not anything ill reflecting on her. However, I just have a hard time getting past shyness and telling someone my problems except in a strictly therapeutic setting. I can do that annonymously on message boards, but the one-on-one thing feels uncomfortable to me.
In the NA workbook it reads that the only wrong way to go about answering these questions is to go it alone, that the sponsor should be consulted. I am very serious about staying clean this time, and I don't want the isolation to which I've grown accustomed to get in the way. Any words of support, advise, and wisdom would be appreciated as I am not sure how to handle this situation.
i hear you man.most of my issues coming into recovery where awesome hiding places for my disease to hold me hostage.all those little intricasies that made me feel less than and alone.
for me,i had to know i was worth recovering.they told me at meetings to keep coming back,while the world around me wanted me to leave,or get locked up.i had to know i was worth the time to do the work to stay clean.
just stay.we need you.
-- Edited by dalin at 16:44, 2006-07-21
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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
I was also painfully shy all my life.I had counseling at one time,(actually at many times) and I know that it is part of my mental make-up,and it has caused me alot of social pain and played into me avoiding relationships,even just female friendships.I dont know why I'm like that,but I recall when I was married,my ex husbad was social and even though he was quiet he could deal with social situations and converse and feel comfortable.I was excruciateingly different and it was noticable,and I believe he came to resent and feel disgusted at me.I am easily isolated,and I hope to work out that part of my life eventually.The meetings at least give me socialization and contact with other people.The isolation I feel might be a common thing in addicts.I do believe that the meetings were more important thatn all the counseling I ever had.Dont give up hope.Even writing on this site keeps me from feeling totally alone.
the weirdest thing about being shy is that i came to know i was putting people off,,, not cause i was shy,, but cause they got the impression that i was being snooty,,, standoffish,,,,snobbish etc !!
Man i never want to do that to myself,,,, but shyness does come a calling now and then,,,,
i have learnt to say no many more times than i ever did before !!!
you know the second line in teh Serenity Prayer says=
' "COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN"
C-O-U-R-A-G-E,,,,,, MEANS TO ME=
DOING SOMETHING I NEED TO DO FOR MY RECOVERY INSPITE OF FEELING SHY !!!!
AND IF I AM STILL FEELING SHY,, JUST KEEP TRYING,,, KEEP COMING BACK,, IT WORKS !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I was painfully shy even as a very small child, and because other peoples perception that I was standoffish when in fact I was afraid I didn't have as many friends as I could have had. I've worked hard over the years on this but i've come to believe that some of us are extroverts and some like myself are introvert.
You have an excellant point. I honestly feel that I'm fighting for (not just a better life but) life itself. If I go back to active use I believe I will never get the chance to try being clean again. I think it's my Higher Power telling me that, plus my therapist agrees that I'd be signing my death warrant. Therefore, I need to make myself utilize a sponsor even if it's uncomfortable at first.
shyness has been a part of my life,and it is painful.but when i look at the feelings of shame and pain i had when i bottemed out in march,i cant say anything else in my life felt that bad.i have so much shame and fear right now around using and what its cost me.i really cant wait to get back to my sponsor in sept,because i have ALOT of work to do on myself- a whole lifetime.i need acceptance and the first step also right now.im new.i have'nt even started the work i know my sponsor will put me thru.i cant get back to where she's at until sept. but i trust her,she is strong and sober,and full of love and TOUGH.i know it will be hard and the work will bring me peace.i would like to actually go to a meeting while im where im at and ive made exuces to myself lately,not going.im grateful for this board because i still at least want to be in reality of my addiction and it never goes away,so i have to do something.where my sponsor is at,they have several meetings day and night,that go seven days a week pretty much.when i was near there,i would find myself just stopping and going in.it was much easier to go and here in this small town,there in a seven pm meeting mon wed and fri.i cant make exuces for not even going when i CAN.i just felt like with alot of choices if i dont get myself to one meeting i would at least drop in to another.ill keep writing about this so i dont let myself out of the disipline of going.i get weak when it comes to isolation and withdrawal.i really am grateful for te other people that write and share on tis website.
That phone call from an addict or a sponsee is the biggest favor you could ever do for someone. WE need that contact with you, because it helps us to keep our seats in NA. We can ONLY keep what we have by giving it away. By not calling your sponsor or other addicts, you are not just hurting yourself- WE need you. When we tell you about the steps, advise you with our experience, we are refreshing those things in OUR mind, and keeping fresh our recovery. We see your pain, your struggles, it reminds us of where WE came from, and that makes us work double hard to stay here. Do someone a favor and call them! When we get here, we all suffer from low self esteem, "Who would want to talk to me?" WE WOULD! Do us a favor.
Therefore, I need to make myself utilize a sponsor even if it's uncomfortable at first.
