I had 8 1/2 years in the program. I was a bottom-out heroin addict in NYC. I got clean, got my life together, had friends, had a baby, etc.... I hurt my back 3 years ago and have been relapsing on the pills ever since. I have the most sincere desire to stay clean, but I do have a chronic pain condition. (2 ruptured discs and as a result sciatica and rheumatoid arthritis in my spine) My last doctor prescribed methadone. I came off that voluntarily, and now they have prescribed this new medicine - bupinophrine or Subtex. I like to think of myself as being clean since the detox....I take it as prescribed and it does not alter my mood, yet it does belong in the opiod family (but also contains narcon). Right now my life is becoming much more manageable than it has been when I was taking meth, and I am trying to make meetings and connect. I landed a very good job, after years of financial instability, and my relationship, while not perfect, is getting pretty healthy.
Does anyone have any thoughts about this? I know the text says "total absitinence," so I think that is part of my hesitation to totally throw myself into the program again. I don't want to be a fake. Yet, I rememeber being the happiest I have ever been, when I was very involved in the program - including step work, meetings and fellowshipping.
I would appreciate any feed-back. I need some experience strength and hope.
Love and peace!
Still Scared
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Life is what's happening while you're making other plans - John Lennon
My suggestion to you is defintiely stay connected. Get to meetings and don't forget to read the basic text. On pg 98 in the 5th addition it talks about when there are times we do have to be on medication. Hopefully you have a sponsor and if not, it is a must. You obviously know how the program works because it sounds like at one time you worked one. Go back to the basics...I don't have to tell you that you cannot do this alone. I have found that a support group is also essential. For me I want the full benefits the program offers and in order for this to happen I have to be willing to make the effort to do the "entire" program. For me this is have a sponsor, have a home group, read my meditation, read my text, go to meetings, have a support group, pray, and be very active in the fellowship which includes service. I know this is what is working for me. Can't wish you luck because it's not about luck, it's about choices! But I can pray for you!
cindy- you helped me tonight with your response.you said it all so well,thanks its good to look at others points and responses,thats how i found your post,and i certinly needed it.
