I have just over 6 years clean. For the past year and 1/2, for plausible reasons (sometimes just excuses), I have made only one meeting a month. I have not worked any steps for 2 years. Lately, the last month, I have made some quality decisions which have eased my schedule and I have pushed myself to make a meeting a week. Last night I went to a meeting, when I left I wanted to get loaded so bad. I called my sponsor, talked to her all the way home and then did the assignment she gave me. I know I wanted to use to escape the voices in my head. My disease tells me I cannot continue to be a success. I have a life I never dreamed possible and I know my disease does not like that and is fighting to get me back. I have played with fire by not working steps and not making enough meetings. Last night, thank God before I used, I got the wake up call I needed. Thank you for letting me share.
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Change is much less painful when I embrace it as an opportunity to grow.
thank you for sharing that. i am just trying to string together a few days and it is good to hear that other people have that voice in their heads too. i appreciate you sharing your strength - it gives me strength. tonight i flushed the rest of the pills down the toilet and tomorrow there is nowhere to go but down the path I know is waiting for me. the path of recovery. i don't know why i keep getting the chance to come back. i am just grateful that i do.
