Ever felt like you're pushing loss, costs, and effort onto others? As though, instead of doing the work yourself, it is easier to just go to a store and buy a bit of food there, never mind why it is so cheap. In fact, perhaps even complaining if it costs a bit more money than usual. It may be a common habit, a simple way to lower costs to yourself. After all, you're doing important work, aren't you? It is easier to get more capital in return by simply paying others less for the same work; it leaves a profit-gap, so you can have fun, enjoy yourself, and so forth.
Of course, not everyone uses that profit-gap to go to a recovery meeting. Or perhaps they do, but they do not really get into it. Maybe they just keep doing service, and of course that is good when you're new, but isn't it important to reduce the need for all that service to begin with? I mean, think about it from the programme's angle: you do 2 hours of service, but if that incurs a need for 10 hours of extra service, isn't it better to get honest, consider the costs you incur for the programme, and look into what would be easy for you to do something about yourself? I mean, -5 hours of extra-service need, and 30 minutes of active service, would seem more valuable. It is not like there is a lack of willingness to cover the need for service to be done; it is just too easy compared to working the steps and getting honest about things.
Of course, if you found your way here and are reading this, there is a 99% likelihood that you were hurt in life. Not just a bit, but past a certain point ofwell, you get it. And I completely understand that it left you with a minus, a gap, a drain. And no, it is not fair that the world would put the burden on you to cover that gap. Why should it be you having to go through the trouble, when society makes it so indescribably complicated to get honest, with all that denial, all those twists, all the lies?
It is pretty common not to take up that trouble. The pressure created by being wronged sometimes leaves a person pushing the costs onto yet others. Animalistically, instead of returning the loss to those who did you wrong, or making a change yourself to decrease the pressure. So the costs get pushed onto yet othersthrough consumption, infrastructure, fixing, misuse of judiciality, denial, pushing the burden onto children, or the like. It is kind of like how someone robs a person, subsequently leaves them in lack, and then they start robbing others.
And of course, it is completely understandable that sometimes it is not as simple as just returning the costs. The wrongs done to you were an occurrence; perhaps those closest to you ended up acting like shields, a cheap and easy fulfillment-pathway by which you are obstructed from striking back, lest it hit those you care about most. Easy-peasy: consequences of externalizing costs onto you negated. And what do you then do, left in lack? The chances are you will push it onto yet others, developing a kind of complicity, further negating any risks of lashback. And so, those that devoured into your life, and what relies on that, what consumes the space created, go on as though nothing happened.
The thing is, people kind of know. The vibe changes, you're less welcome. Even if you get it like the others, it is as if a few shine and move on, they grow, while you stay stuck. Even as all the things get put in placethe career, the house, the friends, the family, a partner, perhaps even kidsit is as if there is still a lack. Something is not quite right, and only at meetings can you find that ease. Yet with all the responsibilities, now you need to stay functional, and if not sliding away from the meetings bit by bit, do you feel a need to make space for yourself?
The temptations begin: why not indulge in oppression? Everyone does it. It is just some negative labels, and those drugsthey are not drugs, never mind misusing medical ethosnone will know. It might seem safe, and satisfying to the cravings of those around you, those indulging in your prestige and desirability within a society. I get it. I too was almost bought into that mess, pressured even, promised lack and loss, deprived, expected to break at some point, left damaged, even driven to suicidality. You get it: others externalized their losses onto me. In the same way, there is a good chance others externalized their losses onto you. Now what do we do about that? Each incidence was an occurrence, after all, meaning there were many complicit factors, big and small, driving the malice. Many who externalized costs.
Maybe together, we can do what we cannot do alone. I mean, it may be normal to keep pushing the costs onto yet others, but we are not back in the early days of the programme, when even showing up and doing service held great value. Some still struggle to be present at meetings, or at particular meetings, and so there is some extra value in that. That said, it is all too common for people to relapse too. It is not just you we are talking about; it is the people you do outreach with, the members you see at the meetings, the sponseeswho will be the next to go? Are you going to thank them, when you could have done, and avoided doing, plenty so as not to be part of causing it, keeping your side of the street clean?
And I get the fear of being the one others try to push the pressure to change onto. I mean, who wants to end up in that spot? But is that really unity, or are we back at that point of let's oppress, negatively label, and pretend it is medical, then we will all agree while externalizing costs onto a few members afterlife, their offspring, and their future healthbut they will not know, and it is normal?
Some really want to change, but do not even know that they can, because it is now so normal not to. I'm aware of that, because I was denied that awareness, and that I'm alive to say this is nothing short of a miracle, part of why is that I was driven to regret being alive, having entered recovery and so on. It is well-hidden, part of why because it'd be inconvenient, it's a heavily misused kind of denial, excusing drugging, labeling and continuing on without making the changes it takes to live, function, taking the risks and thrive without the heavy cost-externalization of being oppressed and pretending it ain't oppression; blocking yet others in recovering.
Think about this: what will the experience be for a newcomer upon whose networkloved ones, friends, or familythe costs of the cumulative pressure of programme members were externalized? Will they feel welcome, or even able to show up at the door? What is the chance that even well-spoken words will reach them?
Let us get into the details: when you go to work, derive money, and pay seventh tradition so the meetings get in on it, how do you get to the workplace? Why are you not robbed on the way? How can you cover the distance in a short time? What does the maintenance of vehicles, production of means of security, or the like cost, and how are those costs driven lower? Tax money too is expensive, relying on control, policy, and others consuming infrastructure. Living without money too yields high risks of relapse, negative situations, disregard of chastityand failing to show up for the romantic, inherent aspects of human life too means rationalizing negligence of partners, and the costs resulting down the line from that. What do you consume to do the work? What does each transaction cost? How are vehicle parts produced? Which production-lines do you give value to and motivate the recurrence of by consuming services, and how does that manifest in oppression, or in consumed misuse of the concept of justice to create low-cost environments and make things like human-breeding low-cost? Consider who pays the price as costs are demanded lowered. Who must have lower wages? What living beings must be violated more gruesomelyor do some beings not matter? Equality only grows when recognizing the equal status of one being as much as the next: human, insect, animal, treeaddicted or not addicted. Who must get sick and die, or fail to stay clean somewhere, somehow, in some way?
Sure, traction holds value. But does it hold enough to compensate for those losses? What if more are rejected? Or is it only about what other members can fathom? That would seem to drain trust in a higher power, and passively reject the awareness of God.
And at depth, your network gets drained, your fellow members turn into those draining recovery, while those you uphold with your efforts consume while relying on a foundation of imposing all those costs, hollowing out any value they create. That too goes for the meetings: consuming indefinite cost-externalization drains the reliability of those deriving clean time by the meeting. While perhaps not discovered just yet, eventually these things become clear, and that means each life sustained becomes less investable, as whatever moves on into the future holds little value. In turn, that weakens the meeting, the region, and the fellowship at large.
So, while it is tough, lowering the need to push costs onto others holds high value, as does returning the loss incurred, rather than passing on the loss instead of the message. At least if you do not find yourself on the perimeter of the programme's presence, where the priorities shift somewhat. Value, as in the kind that contributes to the process of recoverylike building up clean time, carrying the message, and the yield of being of servicemaking it easier to hang onto the seat and stay clean another 24 hours. And while doing that, consider if you desire to be clean off of being part of using through the bodies of other lives.
Process-notes:
However, if someone is close to relapsing, unwilling or stuck in their programme, this painful read ought assist to move the feet one step further. Also, if there's someone you love, but get really tired of, try having them read this. And I am a member, I get that the writing-style is slightly different (pardon the lack of skill) and no I don't want to share my personal story in this public a space.
