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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Where Am I ????
Post Info TOPIC: Where Am I ????
Raman


Guru

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Where Am I ????
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Hi you all,, ever felt like youre there but not there ???


whats it with me i dont know...


in few situations,, im totally lost to reelity,,, and go home with disapponiment and thoughts of


"oh I wish that hadnt happened ?"


" if only id been more careful"


and more seriously


"i wish id had just one chance at that"""


This day my disapponiment came in the form of a loss in a snooker match foir my club,,,


that a game that was going my way ,,, suddenly turned and i lost quite badly,,, feeling very sad to have let my team down like that !!!


the weird thing is how it turned,,


ther i was basking in the glory of applause and feeling confident,,, then suddenly the old fox that i was playing against had me in all sorts of trouble !!!


I remember me thinking


"oh no this cannot be happening!!!"


I also heard a few sniggers and that hurt the most !!


And that too this is my natural birthday,, I am all of 45 now,,,so im thinking i didnt deserve this !!!


I had to go and sit down and silently as in a murmur say the Serenity prayer about 50odd times till the deep disturbance went away !!


Thank God none from my team berated me,, in fact they consoled me by saying how it was pure and simple bad luck !!!


I hate to lose on first impulse but a close friend and older player said there was nothing i could do really !!!


At least after that the stuck record in my head stopped,,, and im not blaming !!!


I simply understand i need to practice ,practice and practice,, like we do the


Practice of the Principles of Recovery and Service the NA WAY,,,so i have some hope !!!


Thanks for letting me share !!!


anyone out ther can relate or identify ????


Raman an addict


clean and serene just for today !!



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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
cooncatbob


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Someday soon you'll be the sly fox taking the cocky youngster to the cleaners.

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Sometime one must surrender in order to win
Raman


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Hi Bob,,,


How are you ???


Thanks !!!


Hugs !!!



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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
cooncatbob


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Hi Raman; I'm doing pretty good.
I'm a customer service tech for a modular kitchen cabinet company. We sell and install cabinet made by several different manufactors. We had a customer who didn't like the color match of a long 2 piece wooden top (chery plywood) The top was made out of 3/4 inch plywood with a 1 1/2 solid wood front molding. I went therre to recover the top with a 1/4 inch panels and a wider front trim. So I had my panels cut to perfection and I was glueing them on and I said to myself "self your damm good" well when I turn the middle panel over to put it in position I hit a corner against the window jam and broke it off. There was np way to fix it and I didn't have another panel with me, I was totally screwed. I had to swallow my pride and go tell the homeowner that I'd broke the panel and would have to come back to finish the job the following week. I retuned and finished and everything turned out fine. But when you get cocky and think your all that our higher power gives us a lesson in Humility. Take care. Bob.

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Sometime one must surrender in order to win
galeon


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happy birthday!  and i think cooncat bob has a good point about humility. if we never lost we would not even know what humility was. if you win all the time and every thing you touch turns to gold pretty soon you have your head stuck up your thunder factory and nobody likes you! hope you have a great birthday and just wish you good stuff!

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just for today
Raman


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Thanks for the wishes Galeon !!!


Yes,,   many times when i won ,, there was resentment on the losers part and isolation for me !!!


In my hour of victory,, it became lonely at the top !!


But the other day when i lost like that(due to cockyness,, like Bob said,, and playing to the gallery) i wasnt kicked around(emotionally) as usual,, and was surprised to have team members and other supporters say


"thats ok,, you did your best,, just that that guy had a better game plan "


Ive learned the hard way that if i am not humble i will be humiliated shortly,,


and the irony is that getting humiliated will not lead to humility,,,


indeed it is better for me to choose humility as the best option !!!


Thanks for sharing that incident Bob,,,this is the heartbeat,, one addict sharing with another !!!


I really hope that at least for few days from now i will remember not to take credit for HPs work !!!



-- Edited by Raman at 01:38, 2006-05-21

-- Edited by Raman at 01:40, 2006-05-21

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
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