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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Need help badly!
Post Info TOPIC: Need help badly!
Alex


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Need help badly!
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My name is Alex, Im a 39  year old sahm of 4.. My  husband and my self have been addicted to oxycodone for about 3 years..  We are both taking mass amounts of pills a day  just to feel normal.. Its at the point where we are slowly but surely losing everything we worked so hard for (finacially).. Right now we are both at the start of yet another withdrawl because we are out for the 5th time in a month,  and this time I really dont think I can do it...  We will most   likely get something , sometime tomorrow (most likely later in the day), and I am sick with worry about the thought of waking up with nothing to take.. I can not think of anything worse then  Being through the hell of withdrawl... We tried to see one dr. that treated narcotic addiction , But right off the bat there was a week wait for an appointment.. Her add said walk ins welcome..lol.. Do you have any idea how hard that was for us to call in the 1st place! Then as it turned out she wouldnt even see us at all because we have no health insurance... errrr...  We really want off of these things! My big question right now is can we go to the E.R. and explain our situation so they can refer us to someone and will the E.R. give us something for the withdrawls?? I am willing to go to Narcotics anon. meetings, But want to recover as an out patient as we do not want any one finding out about our addiction.. But like I said first things first... I need to stop the withdrawls (which are kicking in strong now) before  I can even think straight! .. I noticed there isnt alot of recent posts here right now, so I really hope someone reads this tonight... Thanks so much

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alex
galeon


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get into detox and rehab.

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just for today
Alex


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Thats the big problem... We cant.. I have 4 children (actually 5 but she is on her own now) and my mother lives with us.. NO ONE can find out about our addiction, at least right now.. Like I said Im willing to do rehab as an outpatient, But can not in a million years asan  inpatient... I would love to do inpatient, But theres noway.... Right now I just want the withdrwal symptoms to go away! Im affraid to even go to sleep because I know what lies ahead when I wake up..

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alex
new_Joe


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My wife & I (and our two kids) went through about three years of the same thing you are doing now.  Things got real bad for us to say the least.  I'll let you know that now we are both clean & things are getting better all the time, life is better than I ever thought it could be and that has come from the gift of Narcotics Anonymous.  How did this happen I'm guessing you may be asking?  Well it's been quite a journey and I made some mistakes along the way.  The first thing I'd like to warn you against is calling doctors or centers in the phone book that "specialize in opiate addiction & detoxification" or something similar.  While some may be ok most of these places you'll find will be methadone or suboxone clinics which just trade the drugs your doing now for something even harder to get off (this is not my opinion but actual experience).  I'd strongly suggest finding a local NA meeting and going there & talking to some people you meet about what you've posted here.  They will have the experience & knowledge to help you stop using & get though the withdrawals.  Unfortunately there is no easy way to get through withdrawal other than a day at a time, an hour at a time, or even one minute at a time.  The good news is that you will get through it and gain the freedom to choose weather or not you ever have to do it again.  I personally kept trying the cold turkey method & always ended up using again however I know may people that were successful this way, I finally went to a city detox center (no insurance or money up-front required) and have been clean ever since.  I know you are worried about your family & children however once you get to the point that you describe you’re at now you will not be able to hide the withdrawal either at you house or if you go somewhere.  One thing we learn in NA is that you cant save your face & your ass at the same time.  I remember wanting to hide all this from my family but the fact was they all knew something was bad wrong for some time and were greatly relieved when I admitted my problem and started trying to do something about it.  The last part I want to mention is that you will have to do this for yourself if it is to work, my wife actually got clean almost 18 moths before I did even though I really wanted to stop using.  I guess I just wasn’t ready take the advice I was getting at the same time she was.  As it turned out watching her get clean was one of my biggest sources of hope and inspiration, if this thing could work for her maybe it could work for me.  When I actually tried it, it did work!  If your wondering what the "it" I'm referring to is "it" is the program of Narcotics Anonymous.  You will learn about it when you go to a meeting.  I know you most likely don’t realize it, but you are in a great place right now, you have the gift of desperation and the knowledge of a way to recover that has worked for countless numbers of people like us.  You can start this wonderful new way of life by just going to your first meeting.  I wish you the best and thank you for reminding me where I came from.  I'm very thankful that today I have a choice not to go back to that way of life & I honestly believe that if I could quit using drugs and find a new way to live then so can you.


 


Joe  



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Iphilia


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Alex, I am new here too and I have been told to get into rehab for 4 years and always had reasons (valid like yours)why I couldn't. I KNOW, it's easier said than done. I couldnt believe that on my first time reading posts I read yours and it is my story as well. If I can't help at least you know you are not alone. I am 12 days clean after 4 years of OC addiction. Day in and day out same story, spending every dime and every minute of the day trying to get high and I am spent! I pray that "something" will force you to stop before it's too late. The only reason I am clean right now is that I have been incarcerated for 9 days! I was so determined to have OC's that my husband and I scheamed drug stores for OC's until we were caught. I am facing 2 years in prison. Either I do treatment or I am gone. So as far as taking care of my kids, responsibilities, people not knowing, etc. Now I have no choice... one way or the other it's gonna happen. I got out of jail and am staying with my father (3 hours away from the drugs and my drug friends) After the 4th day in jail, really, I was OK and it has gotten easier each day. It's still new and strange being straight. I at least have hope now that this will soon be over(the legal aspect) and I see better days ahead for the first time in years. Keep trying! (oh, there's more but I don't want to take up the whole page). Good Luck to you both!


Iphilia



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Monica Back
Alex


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OMG!!!  I am so sorry you are going through that!!!  Thank you both for your responses... I made the mistake along with dh by going to the E.R. this morn . for help.. what do they do? they reported us to Child welfare! (they tell me this as Im walking out the door.. Yes I freaked!) and sent us home with atavan.  I cant take this anymore... Knowing Im going to lay here for up  to 7 days feeling like im going to die...  And now what is child welfare going to do.. My kids are all girls and their ages are 20, 17, 14, 11, and 7.... the 20 year old lives on her own.. I have taken methadone in the past (not prescribed ) and know the hell of coming off of it.. But If its dr. controlled isnt it easier>??   I think once this withdrawl goes away Ill be okay.. I just cant lay here for that many days!  I just cant believe I went for help and this happened.. This honestly makes me think twice about wanting to qui,,

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alex
Iphilia


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Yikes! I had to send my kids to their dads while I am going through this because they started trying to take them "after" I started seeking help the last time (but before I got busted). Hind site, they are where they need to be for now. However, I am fortunate enough to good ex. Yeah, CS always tries to kick you when you are down. They consider it a victory when they remove children from a home. My advice, don't tell them anything and start looking into your rights before they knock on your door. There are great internet sites for that. Now, please don't reconsider quitting. Like I said, one way or another you will quit. Do you work? Your kids are fortunately not infants maybe the older ones can help with the younger? I am praying for you. By the way, I went to AA/NA meetings and church (go figure) while I was locked up and it truly inspired me! Think about it.


Iphilia (I feel ya)



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Monica Back
Alex


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well they already made their visit.. she said that she was going to try really hard for us,  to keep it out of court since it was very clear to her that my kids were well taken care of and the house was so nice, and because we were so coopopertive and really wnat help...  We have to make appointments for help, etc.and will have  a social worker, and be blood tested... Im still clueless how this could have happened.. I feel like we were tricked and am going to look further into that when I feel better and can think straight..  I mean als I did was walk into an e.r for help , didnt get anything to make me feel better and now the welfare ppl. ... Honestly I feel them handeling things the way they did is going to [prevent alot of ppl from getting help, cuz thats exactly  how I feel right now.. I told my 3 older girls the truth about whats going on, But not my mother who alos lives  here... which is making it really hard to wihtdrawl....



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alex
Lon


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Alex, welcome home!
While it is difficult to deal with the power of the state, you have been given the boost you need to seek recovery from the hell of active addiction. Medical professionals are required by federal law to report any circumstances of possible endangerment of children. I know that it is hard to be greatful for the circumstances at this moment....but things will work out for the better. All of recovery is a leap of faith..and faith is blieving in the unproveable.....my faith has been proven to be justified for me many times in my recovery. Get yourselves into treatment...seek out and attend NA meetings, find a sponsor to help you to work the steps. No matter how tough recovery may seem at times (particularly at first), recovery is still easier than living in active addiction.

Lon
PS Keep coming back! There is as new way to live; you are on your way to finding it.

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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
recovering jb


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Alex, I am sorry to hear what you are going through, but it is good you are reaching out-

I am 6 months clean myself, and though I am in my 20's, I have been through many horrific battles with addiction- It does get better if you stay clean. Crystal and alcohol were my main addictions, but my sponsor and many, many others I know are clean off of opiates, a relative of mine has been for over 20 years, so it is possible-

And I would say the things that helped me early on were going to as many meetings as possible, 2 or 3 a day if necessary, AA, NA, anything you can find, cuz they are both really the same. I planned my life around the rooms, always knowing which meeting I would be at next. I prayed (not wanting to) because it worked for other people, asking for help in the morning and saying thanks at night. I got a sponsor and called him, and called lots of other people. These simple things really help, and though they might seem like a lot, remember this is your life you are talking about- And for me I can say that 6 months later, my life is SO much better than the nightmare it was last October-

I can imagine wanting to be there for your children and wanting nobody to find out, and privacy might be a valid concern, but in the short and long term, the best thing you can do for them is to get and stay clean- As for the methadone, I have heard nothing but bad things about it myself, but I can't really say because it's not my own experience.

Well, do keep posting here, my prayers are with you-

Take Care,
Joel



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recovering jb


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ALSO, this site has some very inspirational speakers for download, it really helped me my first few days clean when I was getting those cravings-

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php

Not every one is good, but there are some real gems- Anything by Earl H. I highly recommend-

-Joel



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