So glad to have found this site. I am back in recovery today. So grateful. I had 5 years clean, stopped going to meetings and sure enough relapse was inevitable. It was horrible, and I found myself unable to stop using and so closeminded about going back to meetings. I am back, although it is still so difficult, however it will be worse if I go back out and use again. Everything I learned about not going to meetings and what would happen, sure enough did happen to me. I not only picked up where I left off , I used harder and more than ever. I did go downhill quickly....thankfully made it back alive. I have 18 days today, & am finding it more difficult this time around. The thoughts , the obsessions are incredibly powerful. I know what to do and know I can do it...I am praying again and it is working..because this afternoon I wanted to use and chose to pray for the thoughts to be lifted and they were. I will go to a meeting tonight and am in day treatment which keeps me safe for 1/2 the day. I am just not willing to feel the horror, the guilt, that this relapse brought me. Again, thanks for having this site .
I admire you courage and strength- you did a great thing for yourself. I have been trying to come off opiates since feb. and keep relapsing. May 1 is my new clean date- I like it and want to keep it. May is my fav month and number 1 is a good place to start. I am going to more meetings and using internet support more to stay clean. If you want to email for support- let me know. Take care- ok. I am going to use your suggestion of prayer/lifting of thought the next time I have an urge. Thanks for sharing that - too.
sierra, Welcome Home! We do recover....over time. I am so happy you found your way back into NA, it is always wonderful to see someone come back into the rooms. It does take tremendous courage to come back....pride can kill us. We cannot save face and save our ass at the same time. You know the routine, go to meetings, work the steps with a sponsor, find some way to give back through service work.It's pretty obvious when you stick around for a while...those who are "Old Timers" were the ones doing the service work when I got here, and they are still doing it. Life may not always be wonderful, but anything is better than living the old way. I really think recovery is far easier than living in active addiction. Keep Coming Back!
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Thank you Tawni...I am just truly living one day at a time..the more meetings I go to the better I feel. I don't ever want to go thru withdrawals again, or walk into a meeting knowing I have to get a newcomers keytag. I wish you all the best, keep it in the day, & I will too.
Congrats to you for 18 days clean!!! I understand the guilt that goes with it when we relapse! I have been fighting an addiction to Norco/Vicodin for a while and it's soooo hard! Especially with chronic pain. I took my last pain pill on monday, May 1st, I'm thankful I've made it this far! I pray to God that I never turn back down that dark lonely path! Keep up the good work, it's encouraging to the rest of us! ~Kim
Sierra-
