Hello dear Fellow members, my name is Raman and I am an addict. Today I am feeling very happy. It is the 21st of December. I got clean 31 years ago on this date.

I started using at a very young age. First it was fun and party but when the addiction set in, the ugly side of it became apparent. When I stopped for sometime, I would go back promising myself and my family that I would use with control. But that never happened. The disease took over and then I lived to use and used to live. I used many different drugs. At the young age of 27 I had become a desperate, dying addict. Three hospitalisations, best wishes of family and friends and other interventions did not work.

But in some rare rational moments, I felt like giving up all this and starting a new life. And then I prayed and wished for it. And it happened: I was introduced to N.A. meetings, N.A. literature and recovering addicts in a rehab. There were no N.A. meeting in this town at that time so this rehab, it's staff (recovering addicts) and the recovering addict inmates there became my life-line.

I am so grateful to God The Force that keeps me clean and serene. And I am grateful to the 12 Step Program and the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous for showing me the way. And I am grateful to my family. And to my friends, business associates, fellow musicians, fellow counsellors and psychotherapists and indeed to society at large for presenting me with skills, opportunities and support in becoming a responsible and productive member of society.

And I am immensely grateful to my sponsor Mike. F for guiding me in my recovery. This past year in my recovery has been one of challenges, some losses and some great victories. One challenge has been the acceptance that I am ageing. I am now 57 years of age, biologically. Mixed feelings have emerged in realising that I will never be young again.

There have been many instances in my using and some in my recovery when I hurt people. Many of them are dead and I cannot locate many others. I know I will never be able to make amends to them. This makes me sad. And all I can do is hope that I am forgiven. I pray to God for their solace and understanding if they are alive and if dead, for their Eternal Rest in Peace.

My greatest victory this year has been an achievement of being serene for long periods of time, longer than ever before. I am overjoyed that almost all of this past year I have been a serene person. And if and when I have lost control, The Force that keeps me clean and serene has restored me to sanity. All I have to do is ask. This has brought me closer to my family, fellow members, friends and social acquaintances, colleagues and who I do business with. Most importantly for me, I love me when I am serene.

Doing a few forms of service in carrying the message to the addict that still suffers is the blessing. It has given me strength, insight and self-esteem beyond anything I could imagine. Yes, sometimes it seems pointless when seeing addicts go out again down the road of degradation and death. But this calls for acceptance all over again. I simply turn my attention to the ones that are in recovery and try and be helpful. I can feel the heartbeat of N.A. when one addict helps another. And truly, it's been a two way street.

I am also challenged to do more meetings in my home group Vision of Hope in Bangalore, India. I am looking forward to our 24th anniversary celebrations on the 4th of January, 2019.

I have been connecting on a new emotional level with my family and this feels so good. Actually, my cup of joy feels full to the brim. My experience with my family is getting better and better. Communication, commitment, trust and understanding are the basics for a happy family life. But I remain single. My mother and daughter are my family, God Bless them for always. There are times when feelings of loneliness and gnawing that I have missed out on a successful marriage or partnership can end up in self-pity. But acceptance has again proved to be the anti-dote to negativity and harsh self-judgement.

My music is sounding better than ever before. I hope to make that long dreamed-of CD in 2019. It will be eclectic with my own compositions. Over the years, I have matured into a good corporate and party entertainer, good saxophonist and singer and an able leader or a good supporting musician. I know the best is yet to come and I hold on to that hope.

This past year has also been good in terms of academics. I joined a 1 year counselling course in the non-directive method. Letting go the need to control, letting people be who they are without judging them and really feeling empathy for addicts and fellow human beings and expressing it are the take aways. I also completed training in clinical competency. I already have a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy. But the practical learning in this counselling course is giving me better skills to emotionally connect with the addict that still suffers and their families. I can feel my sense of self-worth increasing a lot. Maybe I will listen more open- mindedly to a lot more addicts that still suffer. This is actually a dream. I know it will take time so I patiently learn. The love of one addict for another motivates me. I know that only an addict in recovery can have real empathy for the addict that still suffers. That wordless language of recognition and belief is for me the love of one addict for another.

Dear friends, it has been a pleasure sharing with you. Our Higher Power keeps me day after day in recover and I feel distinctly grateful that I, an addict, stopped using, lost the desire to use and have found a new way of life. The Basic Text is information that an addict never has to use again, no matter what, just for today. Stay Blessed and may we keep carrying this message to addicts evefywhere so that no addict dies without having had a chance to recover. Yours truly, clean and serene just for today, Raman an addict.