November 17, 2018

Walking through the pain

Page 335

"We never have to use again, no matter how we feel. All feelings will eventually pass."

Basic Text, p. 82

It hurts like never before. You get out of bed after a sleepless night, talk to God, and still don't feel any better. "It will pass," a little voice tells you. "When?" you wonder, as you pace and mutter and get on with your day. 

You sob in your car and turn the radio all the way up so you can't hear your own thoughts. But you go straight to work, and don't even think about using drugs. 

Your insides feel as though they've been torched. Just when the pain becomes unbearable, you go numb and silent. You go to a meeting and wish you were as happy as other members seem to be. But you don't relapse. 

You cry some more and call your sponsor. You drive to a friend's house and don't even notice the beautiful scenery because your inner landscape is so bleak. You may not feel any better after visiting your friend-but at least you didn't visit the connection instead. 

You listen to a Fifth Step. You share at a meeting. You look at the calendar and realize you've gotten through another day clean. 

Then one day you wake up, look outside, and realize it's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. You take a deep breath, smile again, and know that it really does pass. 

Just for Today: No matter how I feel today, I'll go on with my recovery.

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