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Post Info TOPIC: patterned relapse pattern and analyzing my addiction

Senior Member

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Posts: 383
patterned relapse pattern and analyzing my addiction

Currently relapsing in overeating. The pattern unfolds to hash and legal heavy drugs... I am happy I have you guys!

I have this insatiable desire/hunger to eat more.
Even as I am aware of the addiction I rationalize. 
I observe and analyze it; 

I ingest something or similar to ingest that causes a need that manifests itself as this desire.
Like eating meat creates a need for further intake to be able to process the meat.
Like non-fair trade, eco, biodynamic or 4 mentioned (meat incl) can create a need for additives to be able to ingest the food, for example to the standard possible with a healthier consumption flow.

Yet none of above was enough despite

Minimalism; more craves more. Its better to remove something than add something.

(The text... Its so important. I forgot something that was important to add and to write. It would help so much. Clear so much up. The baseline pattern is the same as overeating. What comes out of my mouth is more important than what comes in as I was told here).

Clothes, furniture etc. are factors as well. 
Where you sit, at what times and what you eat. What you do up to the hour. All these I can combine to achieve a particular state of mind, high like I am now. The issue; the low that follows.
I am an addict.. I dont want to be an active addict... I just realized; I can simply choose to not be creating these highs. 

Its about choosing to leave the cycle of getting a high with a following low. May be the idea of attaining something and then to hinder doing so again/creating a desire not to; a following low/uncomfort that outweighs the high. Its the incitement structure. 

The damage the low causes does not make sense to add when the high is damaging to start with, apart from that its more that the attainment of the high is unsustainable and comes with a low in the method. It is possible to create sustainable highs (not with accompanying lows. By the way baseline high-enablers with a baseline low does not work either (antipsychotics).

The low is every day when I overeat, not when I do not overeat. 

Im out doing 9th step at a højskole, TM.
Would likely have relapsed home as well.
Family issues, parents making problem where there need be none, fear of me taking low while here not wanting to harm these in illusion that Its the same kind of high/low cycle as weed, desire, fear of loss of control, fear of having money (mentioned here), too many issues caused by lack of money stressing.

There is something I fear opening up to. 
Fear of being interesting, like females in middle ages taken by old fat nobles, fear of being like a flowet forced open.

Deleting text laying around used to remind myself, to bringens back specific memories. Feels like a line transferred from before my life that becomes afraid to lose hold, lose continuation. Fits with the pattern of speaking like I write, a change having occured, like partially possessed.


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 384


.                 Just. Don't. Pick. Up.     biggrin  wink

...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)


Status: Offline
Posts: 671

Addiction is the obsessive compulsive use of anything outside ourselves that we need to feel whole

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