This is my first time posting here. I hope it is helpful. I'm sure it will be.
I am addicted to marijuana. I use it as a catalyst to get me into the mood to drink & socialize. I haven't attended many NA meetings, mostly AA meetings because I thought alcohol was my problem. It turns out it is pot. I could have all the alcohol in the world but if I don't have a joint, none of it interests me. I am 50 yrs old and have been a pot smoker for most of my life. I don't smoke everyday, maybe every 3 days. In one evening, I'll smoke a joint throughout the evening. Typically, I'll light it three times.
I have a 16 YO daughter that likely knows I smoke pot. I'm not proud of that fact and, frankly, am ashamed of it since I don't want her ever using pot or drugs as a way to cope.
I am powerless over pot and it has made my life unmanageable. Despite this, though, I continue to use it on a regular basis. I think I am ready to give it up, once again. I've given it up many other times in my life but have always picked it up again. This is the same with cigarettes. Slowly, I'm starting to socialize without it but it's scary for me. As usual, the apprehension of socializing without it is much worse than when it actually happens. When I do socialize without pot, I enjoy myself more because I'm present and not off in la-la land.
Listening to a recent podcast, Tara Brock asked, "what is it you are unwilling to feel?" That has made me think. For now, I know it is being alone. Being alone is definitely a trigger for me.
Hopefully someone out there will read this and be willing to talk some sense into me to finally stop & get off the merry-go-round. Thanks for reading.
The NA message is hope: that there is another way to live. The one promise of NA is that "an addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live" (Basic Text).
When new NA suggests attending at least a meeting a day for 90 days, find a sponsor, and start working the steps. That's how this simple program works.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
1. I am powerless over pot and it has made my life unmanageable. ....
2. Hopefully someone out there will read this and be willing to talk some sense into me to finally stop & get off the merry-go-round. Thanks for reading.
