I took the first step last night/yesterday, when I recognized that I needed to put the weed down the disposal, throw the pipe away, and focus on how I was using it to mask my inner pain.
Sure, it made me horny, hungry, and then sleepy.
But it never made me happy.
I already got my 2 year chip from another program, but feel like a real fraud right now.
I know 12 step programs work, but am struggling with the pain of realizing that I have been using off/on to mask my pain, that I have stopped progressing in the other program, and am back to step one.
Paul, Glad you have made it here! NA recognizes that "alcohol is a drug"; we look at the disease of addiction, not any particular chemical. Denial sucks. It's kinda funny how the disease can warp our reality, allowing us to justify our using. My 2nd sponsor always said that "The truth shall set you free,.....but first it's going to hurt like hell."
Welcome home!
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Ah, you were on the "marijuana maintenance" program for awhile. You shouldn't feel ashamed. You aren't responsible for your addiction but you are responsible for your recovery. Admitting your powerlessness and taking that first step is huge. Glad you have done so and you know you're always welcome in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
