I have not been interacting on the boards for a good while because of internal and external hardships I am so overwhelmed with and that has reduced my ability to shoot positive energy, inspiration, and hope into the Universe for the benefit of others, when I am so stuck in the negativity created by severe depression, anxiety attacks and ongoing very labored breathing due to my having End Stage COPD. I have lost 35 lbs, but when the most I have ever weighed was 142, that 35 lbs is a big chuck of me… I’m now down to 112 lbs. The weight lose is attributed to my anxiety attacks. One of the symptoms I experience is what happens when someone dies. My body releases all the bodily fluids in me, immediately. With having 3-5 of these a day, the food I eat is not in me long enough to solidify, nor in me long enough to pull the nutrients from. So, all though I am eating as much as I can, these anxiety attacks are so severe that I cannot hold or gain my weight at all, it has me pretty much weathering away an oz. at a time.
I have lost the ability to work my own painting and pressure washing business as I did for over 15 years now. My son, 37 yr. old, who is my main qualifier for Al-Anon, has tried to step up and help with keeping the business going. But it’s probably not hard for you to imagine what it’s like for me to concede that the business is in the hands of an active A. I know he and my crew of guys are doing the best they can, but regardless, I am here on the sidelines by no choice of my own, watching the business go down the drain, literally. That’s a story for another time I guess.
I have been trying to reapply for my disability, but am so overwhelmed and intimidated by the process, I am going to have to find a disability advocate to help me though that process.
In the interim as I write this I have no idea where the money will come from to pay two utility bills on Monday, to avoid termination of the utilities. (My internet which gives me access to you and the MIP site and my business sites), my cell phone, (from which all estimates are scheduled and arranged with potential customers) and water bill is all on the line this next week. I need some help. Not looking for any handouts, but hands to help me up from here. From there, I will resolve the issues that got me in this mess to start with. So, we don’t see a repeat any time soon or in the near future. Just check your own heart and do according to your ability and desire. Thank you.
To help me, just use a debit or credit card on paypal, and send it to
PS. BTW, as all this is unfolding, I am crushed by the deaths of both my lil 12 yr. old white Maltese’s. Max had Addison Disease and was on treatment for it for over 2 years, but his age and general health couldn’t fight it any longer and it finally took him down. Baby Girl, had Congestive Heart Failure. This all happened in the past 6 weeks, with losing Baby only a week ago. I still have my lil mini Poddle, Lilly Girl, and two cats, Bounce and Jessie. They are all 12-14 yrs. old. They have all been my furry little kiddos for many years and when two are lost so close together, grieving starts for another, before the other has been resolved within. I have shed quite a few tears lately.
It's an oft held misconception that anyone with Time should only share the good stuff in the Journey of Recovery! Of course the misconception is self imposed not by others. I've been there. I found MIP a number of years ago deep in depression with around 30 years Clean at the time... Don't think I've missed a day here since then.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
