"I sincerely believed that a Higher Power could restore my sanity and that I would stop trying to figure out what God's will was, just accept things for what they were, and be grateful."
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The longer we stay clean, the less surely we know what our Higher Powers will for us is--and the less it matters. Knowledge of our Higher Power's will becomes less a knowing thing and more a feeling thing. We still practice the Eleventh Step faithfully. But rather than look for signs from our Higher Power, we begin to rely more on our intuition, trusting our feelings about what will make us comfortable.
After staying clean a few years, what we do seem to know is when we are acting against God's will for us. When we are going against God's will, we get that old uncomfortable feeling in our gut. That queasiness is a warning that, if we continue in this direction, ahead lie many sleepless nights. We need to pay attention to such feelings, for they are often signals that we are acting contrary to our Higher Powers will for us.
Our Eleventh Step clearly states the true goal of prayer and meditation: improvement of our conscious contact with the God of our understanding, bringing us clearer knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us and the power to carry it out. We know Gods will most clearly by how it feels, not by signs or words--and it feels right.
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Just for today: I will pray for the knowledge of my Higher Power's will for me and the power to carry it out. I will pay attention to my feelings, and act when they feel right.
