I've been clean for 1 year 4 months. Had to have a hysterectomy on the 9th. Because of gastric bypass can't take nsaids or Tylenol which is how I got on this road. Doctor gave me oxy. At first okay. Then started taking more than prescribed because was in a lot of pain. Incisions infected. Freaked out. Stop taking and now suffering. Withdrawal? It's only been a week? Couldn't have got hooked again so fast right? Anxiety is severe. Agitated. Cold hot. Nauseous. Can't eat. And in pain. OCD is out of control. Obsessing obsessing. Flushed them now thinking of calling doctor but I just can't take them. I can't. I am a mom. What is wrong with me? Why am I so fucked up? Why can't I be normal? I hate myself. Never finished the NA program. Think that was a mistake. I don't even know what I'm doing here. Can't sleep and just needed to get it out because no one really knows and those who do I've lied and said I got this. I can handle this. But I can't. Anyome awake?
Sorry I just noticed your post. Getting clean can be unbelievably hard, but so worth it. I hope you can find a meeting and go tell your story. There is hope for you
Sorry for what you're going through.
Maybe you should try going back to meetings. You will find experience, strength, hope, and understanding there.
In my experience, one does not "finish the NA program."
Addiction is a chronic, progressive, and often fatal disease.
That's why I need regular treatment (e.g. attendance at NA meetings, working the 12 steps with a sponsor, fellowship with other addicts, participation in NA service, active spiritual life).
...not to belittle what you're going through,, but it might help to realize we're going through a particularly strong full moon.
For some, certainly me,, we can be sensitive to this,, issues can feel to amp up to unbearable levels for a few daze around the moon. It's been a challenge for me the past few days.
...whatever challenges you're going through,, remember all will pass,, 'one day, hour minute at a time' and it's ALWAYS better to deal with hings....CLEAN!!
....I wish you all the best..
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
