I hope everyone is doing well and remaining blessed.
Yesterday i was doing some searching on the internet for something that has been kinda eating at me for awhile now and so i went looking for information on an ex girlfriend I had years ago, i was looking for information on her son 5 years old at the time we were together, it was a brief relationship in my life which ended with me going to prison and getting extremely deep into the drug world and it was after having been in treatment for 15 months that I left that program with that woman, things went bad after that.
SO I found him and i found her grave marker online last night too, she was killed in 1995 it was murder i'm pretty sure.
Her son I had heard went sideways, also into drugs and being locked up well hes DEEP into drugs and looks like hes done a lot of time he is tattoo'd from the top of his head to his ankles and probably his feet to I hardly recognize him but i see his face even 25 years later i recognize his chubby face LOL, and i also found video he posted online of him smoking methatphetamines, its pretty insane, hes also in a gang of sorts.
Its pretty heart wrenching what i've found because seriously that was a sweet little boy so innocent when i knew him, i took him fishing once and we had fun even though I remember him crying because his load of stuff got heavy for him and he was struggling and it got tough on him and i told him to COME ON you can do it, i ended up helping him and getting him to our spot on the river. We lived together for awhile and that fell apart his mom was a hard core heroine user and i mean hard core, she couldnt get enough dope, it was terrible as I watched her go down hill fast and then I got involved with, i started shooting dope with her she taught me how. I had stayed clean for about 2 weeks I think after leaving the program and when i relapsed it was because i was totally devastated by her, i let it eat me up instead of leaving the situation. Those first 4 drinks in a bar one day set things rolling down hill for me once again and then another 20 years or so of in and out of prison and using getting clean and relapsing over and over again.
SO i'm needing to vent all this right now because its so heavy on my soul, so heavy on what can i do to help, im asking for prayers for Nick thats what i need to do right now because this kids a lost soul out there in the world and theres nothing more i can do to help then to try and seek some spiritual help for him so please put Nick in you prayers for awhile and pray for some intervention from a higher power, thanks so much everyone.
In thought and prayer Vin..."But for the grace of God there go WE..........Find Peace in your Higher Power and we'll pray there will be a day when Nick Has had enough pain..Be blessed brother...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Yeah i have learned that Gods will though we may not know what that might be until hindsight sets in , is always the best out come possible, even if it goes against what we think we want. I still fight him a little on that LOL I believe it was other peoples prayers that may have saved me maybe it saved us all or at least helped us a long.
Some things i honestly dont handle well and one of them is working with others :) and the swirling life thing gets easier in time for us who practice letting go and sometimes not doing anything but pray.
So Im also getting to where I often just say to myself, Its over, its done. Like the Gorilla that was killed recently in the zoo people are making this huge thing over them killing that beautiful boy but you know what its done, its over and what needs to be made clear is something has to be done at the zoo level to make sure humans cant get into the cages with the animals, so the animals cant get out how about they make sure our children cant fall in. the political atmosphere is hot I'm a conservative republican and i hate seeing whats happening at Trump rallys, the violence and part of me would love to go kick some of those violent protestors butts, i kept myself from going when trump came here to this town last week because i knew if one of them pushed me id end up pounding someones face in, then i have to go hey dude your 54 years old, those are all youngsters out there doing this stuff your going to get jumped by 10 of them and there going to knock out your caps LOL
Oh boy so much going on out there I have contractors trying to scroo me over i have guys working for me messing up and im not feeling real well these days physically its a struggle WAHHHHHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHHHHHH but im having an ok day today had a wonderful work out in the gym last night, its all good even went to a meeting couple days ago LOL
Stay well all and blessing I needed to rant some more i guess :)
