Hello everyone I went to an NA meeting for the first time tonight in over a year I was desperate to talk to release some of this guilt and it backfired on me. I told everyone that I recently discovered when I went on facebook that my highschool sweetheart who I introduced to heroin killed herself last october. I then told everyone that my father was diagnosed with cancer and I had taken all of his prescription meds. I will soon get my comeuppance one way or another I have decide it would be unfair for me to go on and live a happy life while I had destroyed so much. I dont know why I told them this and I dont know why I am telling you now. They all got quiet and it was the longest awkward silence of my life the next speaker said well that was awkward.
After this I held my head down in shame and agony no one talked to me after this or gave eye contact. I felt as if my heart would explode I bolted for the door the minute the meeting was over. I have realized that I am no longer even human I must be sub human for these atrocities. i have nightmares every night I see jessica i see my old friends i see the horror of this world that I helped to create. I have never felt so alone
As Mark Twain said "If you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes also into you"
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I wasn't at the meeting, so I can't say what really happened.
This sounds like stuff that should be shared with a sponsor. Do you have one?
Listen, when you share in a meeting others aren't suppose to respond to your cry for help....that's called cross sharing. How could anyone help you, if you ran from the meeting?? Go back, tell your story again, and hang around after the meeting. YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT then the rest of us.
As for your friend you didn't kill her, addiction did. You have a life worth living, you can make it. All you have to do is TRY
