I am a 41 year old woman who realizes she suffers from addiction. My mothers side suffers from drug/alcohol addiction. My dad's side has anxiety/depression/Bipolar disorder. My sister is a recovering heroin user. I am so proud she is well now. I was so ashamed to admit this to anyone including myself for I am a professional nurse who is living the American Dream. I do not steal meds from my pts. That is horrible and I won't do that. I get my Ambien and vicodin (meds I am addicted to) through my doctor and psychiatrist legally. I have never gone to the street...that isn't me. I have never done drugs-never tried. The only thing I ever tried was pot when I was a teen. I have never done anything illegal. I do have Anxiety/Depression and I am on meds for this. My father suffers from severe Bipolar disorder and I have wondered if I do too and that is why I count on meds to make me feel good. I count on these meds to relax me and cope each day. I panic when I run out and wait patiently for my next scripts. In between I do not have meds and I am ok. But then I get compulsive again and sadly fill my scripts. I sadly admit to abusing them by taking more at a time for feeling good. This all started after I got married in 2011. It started with Ambien to help me sleep for my hubbie and I moved in with his parents and it was difficult for me who was always independent and took care of herself. I loved the old me! I looked good and felt great about myself. I lived life to the fullest. Then this nightmare began. I used to be big into exercise. I don't know the person I have become. I have gotten fat :(. I keep to myself and feel isolated. I don't do the things I used to do and I hate it. I am thankful I have a supportive hubbie. I finally admitted this to him after to myself. He is finally happy I admitted this to myself. He knew all along. I have a beautiful home and a second small home 4 hours away. My husband and are proud of what we have. We do not have children. Prior to our marriage, I lived on my own for 10 years in an apartment. I was always independent never having to count on anyone. I loved who I was. I loved to run and was healthy and happy...Today I am 50 pounds heavier with no drive while I am on the pills. Sadly I am addicted to certain pills in general. I go from Ambien to Vicodin back to Ambien for they are prescribed to me. I have to have anything that is mind-altering. This started 5 years ago after I got married at 36 y.o. I loved the person I was and not the me who I have come to know.
I finally decided I needed help when I took half my Vicodin in 1 day (12-14 pills) and felt I almost overdosed. I had trouble breathing and it was scary. As of yesterday at 800 am I am clean (36 hrs). I don't have anymore pills. This is freaking me out at times today. I prayed to God to help me. He has I think for I don't feel all that bad..a lil nausea. I am ashamed to admit I called Walgreens to see If I could fill my last 4 ambien pills-too soon. I felt compulsive again.
What has happened to me? Is there any hope? Is it true major life changes can cause addiction? I was actually glad they would not fill those pills because I would be right where I started.
