It’s time to make a change. After 16 yrs of being in a fog and always trying to escape reality, I am finally ready to get my head on straight and get serious about cleaning up. I’ve tried many times to get healthy but always fail. I want to get help but I’m to ashamed to seek it out. How do I get past this?
Glad to have you here Pat, Every time I get to feeling that perhaps I no longer need to go to meetings I remind myself that I was never able to get clean on my own. My best thinking kept me sick for many years. I remember being scared when I went to my first meeting, not wanting to be identified with a bunch of addicts. The rooms of Narcotics Anonymous is the firsat place where I have ever felt "at home." I know that I belong, even if sometimes the disease of addiction tries to drag me out of the rooms, to die alone. My old pickup has a bumper sticker that says "NA=Never Alone". I had never before been in an environment where I received unconditional support before I came to NA.
I guess that the best way that I can answer your question is to ask you to question yourself; Have I ever been able to quit using on my own for any length of time? When I am not using is it a daily struggle to stay clean? Do I know how to deal with life without HAVING to get high? Can I be happy without using?
Shame can kill you. The program is called narcotics ANONYMOUS for a reason. To paraphrase "What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program", a reading used in most NA meetings, 'NA does not care who you are, who your connections are, what or how much you used, but only what you want to do about your problem and how we can help.' When you escape from the illusion that you can control your using, and you know that you need to find a new way to live, NA will provide you with the tools you need to live a happy and productive life, provided you are willing to do your part. One of the cliches that floats around the rooms is that "you reach your bottom when you decide to quit digging."
The real question is, are you ready to go to any length it takes to learn a new way to live? We will expend any amount of effort needed to score the next high; if we are willing to expend the same amount of effort working a 12 step program, we will find a better way to live. Which would cause you to feel more shame, going to NA meetings or living the miserable life of an addict?
All recovery is a leap of faith, a belief in something we cannot prove, but know to be true.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Welcome to Miracles In Progress. Glad you found us.
Please keep coming back, and better yet, stay with us.
It works. Give yourself a break and try. You deserve it.
Keep sharing, and remember, we don't have to be ashamed for our addiction. We are not bad or evil or sinful people because we use drugs. We are sick. We have a disease of addiction, which when compared to other diseases is more deadly as it affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Would you be ashamed if you had cancer and if you had to reach out for help?
Hope this helps... Love you and need you...
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
