...mannn,, I just heard that my half brother is running out of control. Drinking hard,, apparently suicidal.
.....I'm not close with my dad's family,,but amazingly, my past Gfriend ended up moving into the same building ~3 years ago, so there's been some light contact with him through that situation....including my last relapse 2 1/4 years ago., and subsequent recovery....but nothing in the past ~8 months.
Other than the fact that he's half an hour drive away,, and I'm fairly immobile from surgery,,,a concern I have about dropping by and '12th stepping' him is that word of his situation came from his wife to my ex-GF to me. I'm concerned that in his state of anguish, he might get angry to be 'outed' by his wife,,,she's very close to leaving with their child, there's a possibility for violence. He's apparently not interested in AA,, 'too religious'.
The fact that he's suicidal,,having apparently shared a clear plan is a concern. Apparently the rest of the family has buffed the wife's concerns,,,a fair bit of denial and co-dependance in that camp. So the wife and GF are looking to me,, a good role model for recovery. On the other hand,,if the wife says he's drinking sorta secretly,, a bottle of hard-alc a day,, after she's asleep........ how would she know how much he's drinking?
What do I do? ....jump in and visit,,, breaking the veil of secrecy? ...wait until the wife's cleared the picture,,,he'll be more clearly at bottom, the secrecy will have unmasked itself,,the danger of 'retribution' passed,,,,,, but with a risk of suicide.
.......gawrd,,,please give me guidance......and your thoughts,input.
__________________
...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
....hmmm,, as a 'fellow addict', I hadn't thought of that.
........but as a family member,,I suppose yer might have something there.
What you're talking about sounds more like an intervention not a 12th Step call per se' since it's not being asked for by the addict in question. I'm in no way saying an intervention isn't needed, especially if suicidal, just that isn't what NA does.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
...good point M. I know the first step for me is to get a bit more clarity on things. If the wife heads out,,I think I'd do my best to get in there,,at least have a frank discussion,,see where the 'bro's actually at.
..otherwise ,I've stated my concerns through the word-of-mouth team about potentially making a volatile situation worse.
__________________
...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
We know intervention won't help, we can only carry the message. So maybe you should try... Just by reestablishing communications. Call and ask how he's doing. Tell him of you'd struggles and how things are getting better. Maybe he'll remember when he gets desperate.
And as for his wife, watch out. Encourage nar anon or AL anon for them. And PRAY
..sadly, I'm not very mobile for the distance he's away,,,and don't drop in on the ex.
I feel like a phonecall would be strange since we've absolutely never kept touch.
I passed a message back that ...I could give a positive message about recovery,etc...but he needs to be willing to reach out at least the tinyest bit., pick up a phone and ask. I'd be willing to go thirty miles if he can pick up a phone.
Otherwise there's the big question about what would basically be a full on intervention, something that seems problematic at best if the whole frikken family's in denial.
If things open up,,the wife leaves or something,,,then I'd feel okay to check in, buddy up at that point forsure. It's the least I can do for missing his wedding when I was in active addiction a few years back
On the personal front, a trip like that would be a -big- challenge right now,,,and I'm not sure how I'd manage without post surgery painkillers , which would be tough to keep the necessary clear mind. ....let alone drive that far yet.
Gawd willing, all will work out.
__________________
...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
If hes against any idea that might help then hes not ready yet, once he gets to the point of desperation he'll be ready to try anything, and if he knows your in a program then he might reach out, turn him over and let God sort it out :)
