i have an issue about my sponsor am not telling him everything that is happening in my day
u know i talk with ppl more than him. i do call him but i don't know what 2 say and if i wanna tell him something i don't tell him the thing as i wanna say it. i don't know why , but that doesn't mean am doing bad stuff and i don't tell him . i always tell him about the bad stuff i do , but i don't know how 2 express my feelings 2 him i have a problem wiz that and i had this ip about the sponsor ship and it says that the it's not important to make u r sponsor u r friend the sponsor is just some one that teaches u how 2 work u the steps and traditions and u learn the trust throught him
adel, At about 18 months clean I found myself with an issue that I could not bring myself to talk with my sponsor about. It was killing me inside so I found a new sponsor rather than go back out and relapse over my fear of sharing. The funny part was that I think that HP guided me to find a new sponsor. The new one I chose was willing to look at more than simple "don't use" issues, and was perhaps the most important person in my life.
I don't think that it is necessary to not be a friend with your sponsor, if you can find the courage to believe that you will not be judged about the stuff you share with them. I developed a wonderful friendship with my second sponsor, often talking for no reason at all, other than to talk with him. Almost two years ago, at 8 1/2 years clean, I lost him to a motorcycle accident. It hurt like hell, just like it is supposed to when you lose someone you love. He had been a major influence on my life for around 7 years. For about 9 months I put off finding a new sponsor. I felt like there was no way to "replace" this man who I loved and who I had NO secrets from. Finally I realized that while I could never replace him; he would hold a place in my heart forever. I HAD to find a new sponsor. I found another man who was willing to look deeper than simple "don't use" stuff and began to develop a relationship with him.
Don't be afraid to share anything with your sponsor, and if you find that you just can't, find another sponsor. The fear of judgement is destructive to us. I cover this every time in my 4th and 5th steps under the heading of "people pleasing". Thast has always been one of my major character defects, and it continues to rear it's ugly head when I allow it to. If someone chooses to judge me for what I freely share with them, that is their character defect, not mine.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
I have had a similar experience with that. I could tell my network anything...like how I threw a glass of soda at my husband (glass and all :)) But my sponsor she had 17 years clean and she seemed so prim and proper....I felt too embarassed to tell her stuff like that. I thought that she would judge me......when I found the courage to tell her all this stuff....she started telling me stories that she had done a similar thing or worse.....I was amazed...she wasnt judging me....she was just like me. There is something about identification that I cannot adequately explain in words....its powerful and amazing, especially when you didnt think it would be there. Needless to say now that I have moved on in sponsorship (not for that reason) she is one of my closest friends and we call eachother about our stuff. Getting honest is so hard, but it is so worth it. Good luck!! Let us know how it works out for you
Danielle
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Danielle 10-14-04
"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise"
Oh my God, here we go again,,,,sposor-sponsee problems !!!
Ive had many sponsors along the way,, the one now is great too,,, all of em were great !!!
One was formidable,,, i never shared on mnay things i wanted to,, but went on anyway.
Another sponsor was by mail and my main problme ther was ,,, id never been able to read what he wrote,,,
minor stuff like that,,, but i was always inspired to share out ,,, sponsor or not !!!
You really appreciate the importance of having a sponsor in the Fifth Step !!!
I had worked a good 4th Step but never got to share that with my sponsor,,, but Hp guided me to share alll that with a woman in recovery who was willing to listen,,,, and Im greatful I was reileved of a lot of guilt(and more importantlt shame) and got new insight !!!
Mines always been a complicated life and without other recovering addicts to Guide me,,, theres no chance at all !!!
I try to make my sponsees feel confident to share with me !!!
I try to know more about them step by step and have been satisfied !!!
thers been the odd ones I had nothing to offer,,, especially when it came accross as them wanting me to be my sponsee on THEIR terms and conditions,,,,
However the Magic of NA is that we do find the energies to listen to another recovering addicts woes and troubles,,,,the important thing is that sponsees realize sponsors are not gods,,,,they are still recovering addicts ,,, and it is upto the sponsee to be willing to completely let go of old ideas ,,,, especially addictive logic !!!
The fear of pain is what keeps many of us from sharing things like "dark secrets" with our sponsor,,, but I want tyo remember it is me who is responsible !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
