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Post Info TOPIC: First day home
Peggie1960


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First day home
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My 21 yo daughter is coming home from rehab tomorrow...when she called last night she informed me that she really did not want to come home if as in her words she was going to be a prisoner. She wants me to give her phone back and let her use her car as she pleases....and if I don't comply then it will be the reason she would go back to using. Her first order of business is to go to her old job to pick up her final paycheck....so I am to give her her car & phone & then she is going to get money....every fiber in my being is screaming that this is a bad idea...How do I handle this....at my wits end



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mikah


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.
.....ohhh,mannn....the above reminds me of -my- story when I first 'graduated' from recovery.....it took me a few more rounds of 'research' before I realized that graduation is not so likely a gift as learning daily surrender. Addiction does not go away with a 3 month recovery program.

....I really suggest you get in contact with your local chapter of NarAnon .....www.nar-anon.org/ ....as I understand it,,,these folks will help families of addicts learn how to 'love from a distance' and maintain boundaries which many of us in recovery have come to see were important in us seeing our 'bottoms',,,,and turning things around. It's a -really- tough process to watch your loved one be a traincrash...I cry as I think of it. Connecting with others in your position helps many.

...My 23 yo son just bought a car....it's simply amazing how much more he takes care of it than the one that I had paid for,,,,that was an important lesson for me.

...I wish you well.

...PS...if your daughter is still at the 'rehab'..it might be good to discuss the situation with the councilors.  

 



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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Peggie1960


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ty for your words...I know as much as I love her and want to protect her I have to let her go figure things out on her own.

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mikah


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.....yes,that's likely correct. Have you tried NarAnon?...there's many been in your shoes!

...I'd expect they'd suggest you have a clear set of accountable conditions in place before she's welcome home.....taking away car and phone might not be one of them--I don't know.

 

...as I've heard it it's referred to as...'enough rope to hang myself--I had to start learning to be an adult'



-- Edited by mikah on Thursday 13th of November 2014 10:16:02 AM

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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Mike M


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Agree seek out Naranon. Bottom line your house your rules. IF your daughter goes back out using it is on her not you. I am responsible for my Recovery no one else. At one point my mother kicked me out to the streets because I would not abide by no using house rule. Oh sure at the time I "hated" and blamed her for all my problems. However years later AFTER I really got Clean and was working a daily program of Recovery in NA I thanked her for practicing Hard Love.

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Peggie1960


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Exactly what I was thinking...enough rope to prove herself and enough to hang herself. With the understanding that she will be held accountable for herself and that I will no longer tolerate it in my home.

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mikah


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...please get in contact with Naranon..you're certainly welcome to share here if you find it helps,,,,but I'm SURE that the Naranon folks will have some useful approaches,details and support for you.

....we say in NA,,,,''there's nothing like the therapeutic value of one addict helping another''.....I bet the same is true for loving parents.

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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Dean


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sell the car and phone, tell her that you love her enough for her to face life on life's terms, get her own place and support herself. Your job, as a parent, was over 3 years ago. time to live out your life looking out for you.

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Dean
cdbuckberry


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I agree with Dean,It's time she learns to make it on her own.

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