I have recently been coming to the conclusion that I am a drug addict and alcoholic.By recent I mean the past two days I have done some soul searching and have gone to the NA site online I am trying to accept this .I want to stop the drugs.I know I am powerless over them.I just haven't stopped yet but I do desire it.I'm praying and I'm scared.I know I have to turn my will over to God.I'm so unhappy.
Anyhow my question is my husband is in a wheelchair and has alot of drugs here all the time that he has to take.So my problem is how do I deal with the fact that this temptation is always going to be here right in my own home?The other thing is he will give me his medicine .Like if I'm upset he'll say take a couple valiums .Things like that.But I have to say that i manipulate him for it too.Two years ago I stopped all drugs but in a couple of months I was back to it again.I would ask him to please lock it away from me and then after awhile he sees me do good he doesn't think he needs to anymore and then I see that bottle laying there calling to me and before I knew it I gave in .
Erie2000, Glad to have you here! The only requirement for membership in NA is the DESIRE to stop using. You become a member when you say you are a member. I would certainly suggest that yo attend face to face meetings in your area. It is an anonymous fellowship, so what is discussed in the meeting and who is at a meeting, stays at the meeting.
I am not sure about your situation, I know it would not be good for me to have someone say to take a couple of their valium. Perhaps when yo become ready the two of you could talk over the subject of addiction. One of NA's sayings is "One is too many, and a thousand is never enough." I do not understand what "one" means when it comes to drugs or alcohol. Any time I find myself thinking that only "one" would not hurt me, I am setting myself up to go back to full blown addiction. For me to admit that I am powerless over my addiction means that I do not put myself in situations where I have to argue with myself about trying "one". Thinking I can have "one" is ignoring my admission of powerlessness.
I guess where I am trying to go is to suggest that perhaps you and your husband could write up a symbolic contract concerning drugs. Just as you need to admit that you are powerless, so too does your husband need to understand the concept of "one is too many" BECAUSE "a thousand is never enough." In my opinion, and my opinion only the symbolic contract would help to reinforce your need for abstainence, serving as a reminder to both of you. We try not to give advice, so please consider this as a suggestion, not as the gospel.
Another thing to consider is if your husband would try going to NarAnon or AlAnon meetings, to help him understand your need for his assistance to stay clean. This disease does effect everyone in the family, and rates of recovery go up quite a bit when the family also attends meetings for the families of addicts.
It is a leap of faith to think you can live without using drugs, but it can be done, when we work a honest program we never HAVE to use again.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Welcome!!! I sincerely hope that you keep coming back. Im not sure about the having drugs in the house thing. It would be hard for me. I would tend to agree with Lon though.
{{{HUGS}}}}
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Danielle 10-14-04
"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise"
