Dreams that we gave up long ago can now become realities.
Basic Text, p. 71
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All things begin with a dream. But how many of us fulfilled our dreams while using? Even if we managed to complete something we had started, our addiction usually robbed us of any pride in our accomplishment. Perhaps when we used, we dreamed of the day when we would be clean. That day has come. We can use this day to make our dreams come true.
To fulfill our dreams we must take action, but our lack of self-confidence may keep us from trying. We can begin by setting realistic goals. The success we experience when we attain our initial goals allows us to dream bigger dreams the next time around.
Some of our members share that when they compare the ambitions they had when they first got clean with what they have actually achieved in recovery, they are astounded. In recovery, we often find more dreams come true than we could ever have imagined.
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Just for today: I will remember that all things begin with a dream. Today, I will allow myself to make my dreams come true.
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....I've been working on a passion project over the past few months,,had a few L.O.L.T set-backs,,,have missed a timeline,,but I -know- I wouldn't have come at all close if I were still in active addiction.
__________________
...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
As I've shared prior, last year I was diagnosed with a disease which has left me disabled. There isn't much I can do, although I can pluck along on the computer and type. I need to take frequent breaks and some days I get too weak to do even that but most days it's possible. I sat down with my HP last year and we had a talk that went something like this:
Me: So what now?
HP: What would you do if you could do anything? What's that one thing that if you did it, you'd get so much enjoyment out of it, that you'd almost feel guilty getting paid.
Me: <after thinking about it for a bit> I'd write.
HP: Why don't you?
Me: I know nothing about writing a novel! I wouldn't even know where to begin!
HP: You're afraid. (wasn't a question or judgment - just a statement of fact)
Me: Yes.
HP: <laughing...not laughing at me...just joy bubbling over) What have you to fear knowing that I love you?
Me: ... <no response possible or necessary>
So I picked up that dream and dusted it off. Then I sat down and wrote. Twenty-nine days and 355 pages later, I'm finished.
The book has been accepted by a traditional publishing house and I am doing the final edit now.
I agree with the reading that "we can begin by setting realistic goals". But it begs the question:
What goals are unrealistic when you are walking with your HP?
My experience has taught me that if I can't find the next right thing for me to do - then either it's not HP's will or HP isn't done yet. I do not know that to be right, but it seems to work for me. Here's a recent example from about two months ago:
My wife's uncle (who literally hasn't talked to her for thirty years - got our number off another family member) called to say 'hi' and discovered our car was down about two weeks ago now. "Well I've got a pick-up y'all can use till Angel's SSI comes through; you can pay me then." Problem number one was, it wasn't running and I am not a mechanic. It needs an ignition coil and a U-joint. Problem number two was, we didn't have the money to fix it or the gas money to get it home from 375 miles away in a little town called La Center. Problem number three was, we had no way to get to the truck to pick it up even if I was a mechanic and we could fix it. The wife thinks it's an HP thing and I don't disagree, but my experience has taught me that if I can't find the next right thing for me to do - then either it's not HP's will or HP isn't done yet. So we wait. It took almost fifteen minutes.
"Ring, ring" goes the phone. It's a neighbor who has never called us before but got our number from someone else. They want to talk to the wife.
"I heard through the grapevine that you've worked with dogs before?" she says.
"Yes," my wife answers, "I trained dogs for developmentally disabled folks back when."
"I was wondering if you might accompany me to La Center, WA to pick up a rescue dog tomorrow. I could use some help with someone who is experienced."
<wife blinks - then blinks again> "La Center? Umm, yeah...but that's too weird. My uncle just gave us a truck but it's broke down in La Center and I had no way of getting there."
"You think there's anyway, if I got it running while we were out there that I could drive it back...or do you need me with you for the dog?"
"Oh no, I just would like you there for the pick up and for an assessment of the dog."
"Great! When do we leave?"
"First thing in the morning."
So we talk about it and decide, this is probably HP...too much of a coincidence that problem number three was solved. But where would the money come from to get it fixed and back?"
"Ring, ring."
We look at each other and then to the phone. She answers.
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is your neighbor again. You said the truck isn't running?"
"That's right."
"My husband is a mechanic and he said that he'll go and get it running while we are meeting the dog." Okay, problem one solved - now it's just about the money...
"That would be great!"
"There's one more thing..."
"Yes," say the wife.
"My husband prayed about it and told me that we're supposed to buy the parts and pay for gas on the way back as payment for you going with us." All problems are solved. NOW HP is done.
I had many dreams of what I could have done in life , but addiction put a change to that,quitting school and tech college , going nowhere but down misery avenue just searching for the next buzz.I have made a lot of my dreams come true by becoming a productive member of society,and a member of NA.
.............What goals are unrealistic when you are walking with your HP?
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...well put!......for me,,I'm still at a stage that it's sometimes difficult to differentiate between my HP's will,,,,and my own will.
.....over the past while...I've been chasing a dream that's been important to me,,building sailboats,,,,a project fell on my lap where the molds and rights for a very fun little boat fell on my lap,,,seemed very much like a 'destiny' thing,,,,maybe it still is,,,,,but I've recently had what seems to be a huge hitch in the process--I missed a deadline I gave myself to complete the first hull in order to take it to an event to test and prove my work to the 'world'....the project is pretty 'public' in the sailing world online....it's going to be humble pie when I make the announcement,,,and I've gone through a fair bit of angst over this......but thankfully I've learnt in recovery a few things that are helpful to remember,and that help me keep perspective .
.......if you want to make the devil laugh--just make plans!.....with some help,,I've managed to differentiate between a missed timeline,,,and the idea that I'm a complete failure. I'm definitely learning some humility! ,,,and to 'let go and let G.O.D.** run things for a while.
.......JFT,,,I'll keep recovery first,,,keep my stepwork going,,,and open myself to my higher power's guidance.
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Hiya Mikah... Please keep me/us posted on how this goes. I know I'm interested.
....sure....I guess if you combine my other thread... http://na.activeboard.com/t56610873/sick-and-tired-of-smoking/ .....you'd get the full picture..... as much as I've headed back into this career path this year...I'm really not sure if it's the right 'fit' to the non-smoking,, drug free me..... I suppose this questioning is part of the 'find a new way to live' that is promised through working the steps
....just for today,,I feel alright about not being sure what's up next!
__________________
...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Hiya Mikah... Please keep me/us posted on how this goes. I know I'm interested.
...I'm really not sure if it's the right 'fit' to the non-smoking,, drug free me..... I suppose this questioning is part of the 'find a new way to live' that is promised through working the steps
....just for today,,I feel alright about not being sure what's up next!
I'm pretty sure I understand what you mean. So many of my dreams are hold-overs from the old me. I wanted to be famous for something grand. Pro hockey player, winning the US Open chess championship, curing cancer... you know big stuff that had less to do with the stuff and more to do with finding validation and esteem from outside of myself. But after having such dreams for decades, they become part of you - or at least me. Part of my self-image. Extricating who I have become with who I was is tricky at times.
,,,and to 'let go and let G.O.D.** run things for a while.
