I am at day four of withdrawal from opiates. I have never done this before. I realized I was unsustainable. My drugs were unsustainable and my life was unsustainable. I do not remember the last time I did not depend on opiates. It started innocent enough, heart surgeries, back pain and hospitals and descended into the circular haze we all know. At age 43, four days ago, I decided enough was enough.I will not bore you with a story that has been told countless times, except to say that I hid it well, very well.In fact, save my wife, no one knows or ever knew.I carried on an executive job, and a second contracting job, doing what I must while always thinking if it was too soon to take more.
I am filled with regret of course, and apparently a lot more for the last four days according to my body.I know I will not take another opiate, even when I will need another surgery.It is unsustainable.I have made the decision to stop and that was the hardest part.I have been through worse than this, although without all the emotions.I assume this is normal, the welling of the eyes, the sentiments escaping without cause.I teared watching How to Train Your Dragon 2 yesterday in a movie theater.I tried to mask it but could only wonder what people were thinking.
The exhaustion and weariness is the worst right now.I would take off work and make myself sleep for the rest of the week if I could but this has come at a time when that is not possible.The compulsion to stop came unbidden and I had to follow it.I have to push through, work and prevent another consequence from my own cause.As I said my fear is not that I will become again who I was but rather who I will be.We become different people in our lives and I have never dealt with the hurdles of life as this person.All I know is I need to get past the next few days and then I will be sustainable.
....welcome 'sojourn'....welcome to the NA message board!..
....many of us have found ... ''we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable. ''as step one says. ....''unsustainable'' indeed!!
....have you made it to an NA meeting in your area?.....you'll find some good relief to talk to and hear from others who have shared what you're going through,,,,,,whether indeed it's a sojourn or an ongoing interaction you have in NA,,I wish you well!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Thanks Mikah. I have been considering going to a meeting. It's hard to go through this when the only person who knows does not understand what it is like, no matter how compassionate they are.
The difficult part is how I will live my life going forward. I was always the 'life of the party', keeping the laughs going and making it a 'great' night. what will I be now?
...ahhh,,hahaha.....life of th'party--I -know whatcher mean!!
.....do you have NA connections in your area yet?.....there's usually an NA helpline in your area---they can help you get hooked up with good people who know what you're going through!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Glad you're trying to make a change in your life.
Getting off drugs is hard; staying off drugs is hard too.
NA can help you stay off drugs.
I suggest you make lots of NA meetings.
NA has done wonders for me and countless others.
