As we approach this step, most of us are afraid that there is a monster inside of us that, if released, will destroy us.
Basic Text, p. 27
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Most of us are terrified to look at ourselves, to probe our insides. Were afraid that if we examine our actions and motives, well find a bottomless black pit of selfishness and hatred. But as we take the Fourth Step, well find that those fears were unwarranted. Were human, just like everyone elseno more, no less.
We all have personality traits that were not especially proud of. On a bad day, we may think that our faults are worse than anyone elses. Well have moments of self-doubt. Well question our motives. We may even question our very existence. But if we could read the minds of our fellow members, wed find the same struggles. Were no better or worse than anyone else.
We can only change what we acknowledge and understand. Rather than continuing to fear whats buried inside us, we can bring it out into the open. Well no longer be frightened, and our recovery will flourish in the full light of self-awareness.
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Just for today: I fear what I dont know. I will expose my fears and allow them to vanish.
I know when I did my Fourth Step I was afraid of what bad things I might uncover that I did. Whether it be bad , unlawful or just hateful .I allowed my sponsor to help me dish out good from bad ,things I needed to change or pay amends to , a lot of things I am not proud and would not want others to know.If I had not let the monster in me out I would not be able to be as far in my recovery as I am .I will be doing my Fourth Step again this summer with my new sponsor . I hope it will be better , my vision of myself .
