We have found that we had no choice except to completely change our old ways of thinking or go back to using.
Basic Text, p. 22
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Many of us find that our old ways of thinking were dominated by fear. We were afraid that we wouldnt be able to get our drugs or that there wouldnt be enough. We feared discovery, arrest, and incarceration. Further down the list were fears of financial problems, homelessness, overdose, and illness. And our fear controlled our actions.
The early days of recovery werent a great deal different for many of us; then, too, fear dominated our thinking. What if staying clean hurts too much? we asked ourselves. What if I cant make it? What if the people in NA dont like me? What if NA doesnt work? The fear behind these thoughts can still control our behavior, keeping us from taking the risks necessary to stay clean and grow. It may seem easier to resign ourselves to certain failure, giving up before we start, than to risk everything on a slim hope. But that kind of thinking leads only to relapse.
To stay clean, we must find the willingness to change our old ways of thinking. What has worked for other addicts can work for usbut we must be willing to try it. We must trade in our old cynical doubts for new affirmations of hope. When we do, well find its worth the risk.
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Just for today: I pray for the willingness to change my old ways of thinking, and for the ability to overcome my fears.
. ...ahh yes,,,fear is definitely a large part of what had me surrender in the first place,,,no amount of drug could keep me ahead of the fear and paranoia,,,that was clear to me. ...I'm glad that I'm finally 'getting-it',,that it's a 'just for today' program,,I only need to deal with today's portion of fear I feel,,,not overwhelm myself with all the fear I feel in my life!...........it's not so difficult to stop and remind myself that it's just for today,,,remember to breathe,,,remember my higher power,,,,and feel relief,,,,,,just for today!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
I have always had that fear of relapse .It can be a dangerous place to be . Complacency is a spot you never want to let make you overconfident ,you are one step either way from relapse . Going to meetings keeps me connected with NA , I have had a hard time getting out to meetings , but a long time friend who I've known for 40 years or more has been taking me to meetings.He is the one of the two men I know who have found NA .
