He has relapsed 4 times in the two years we have been together. We have both talked and cried about it over and over. He lies to me every time he doesn't and never admits it, not until I hold the bag in his face. I have begged him to come to me to talk about it, I want to be here for him, but it hurts me so bad that he wants to kill himself this way. Our relationship is drifting apart because of it. I love him and he deserves to be loved but I hate what he does to himself and us. I hate finding the stuff. My knees go weak every time I find it and I feel sick to my stomach. I've asked to leave every time because I don't want to be put in any harm or watch him do this. Please give me some advice on how to deal with this. I feel if he is gone, it's out of my life. Did God give me this mission because he believes that my fiance needs some one strong like myself to stick by him or is it just a sad love story that dope ruins the relationship of two people who have been through so much and understand each other so much. I know I have to make the decision but do I give up on him like every one else and let him go back to all he knows and only worry about my life and my protection?
citruskiss29, I have been in recovery for a while now and I have come to understand that I have no power over another persons choices. I was not willing to clean up until my life was a miserable mess, I din't lose all of my material pocessions, but I was completely spiritually and emotionally bankrupt by the time I became willing to seek another way to live. When I came into the program more than 10 years ago I made friends with a gentlemen who also attended the same meetings I did. Through the years we have become like brothers, not friends. He will not stay clean. Between 6 months to 2 1/2years and he is back out using again, over and over. I have prayed and cried, shown sympathy and love, questioned him as to why he makes these choices, been angry at him, and even tried to sponsor him. Nothing I have tried so far has helped, simply because he is not yet willing to admit that he is powerless over drugs and alcohol. Yes I still love him, and pray for him to see "the light", but I recognize that what I want makes no difference. The only thing that matters is his willingness to seek a new way to live. Might I suggest that you try NarAnon/AlAnon meetings? These meetings are for the people in the addicts life who are struggling with the addicts choices. They are full of people who are in the same spot that you are, and understand the situation.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Thanks for writing back Lon. Unfortunately every thing you said, I pretty much already know. I looked online at Nar-Anon but I didn't see a message board to join. I was hoping to be able to deal with it here at home thru communication online. We've had a million talks and he knows every thing already. His only excuse is, he's 30 years old and he did it hard for 7 years and now he feels as if he's 50 years old. He says maybe he's lying to himself and using the excuse that he feels so tired and drained working full time that he never feels that he can enjoy life because he's asleep at 7:30 at night and still can't get up in the mornings. He doesn't use every day, just goes in binges and he says he just needs it now and then to help him get through tired rough days when he needs to get things done. He says working full time is basically all he can do, no extra. I understand his pain, and thoughts, and I tell him he's not believing in himself enough and that he needs to pray to God every single day to get him through each one. He looks at it as survival where I look at it as death.....
citruskiss, Have you looked at http://www.12stepforums.net/? That is the parent page for this board. There is an alanon message board there. The disease is the same, only the chemistry involved with making us high is different. Advice, if I may presume to offer it, would be to find a face to face AlAnon/NarAnon meeting to attend, others sharing their experience strength and hope always helps. An addicts denial and rationalization are powerful! I did not think that I could live without using. On a personal note, now I work 65 hours a week, go to college part time, am involved with service at both my NA homegroup level, and at the level of SouthEast Nebraska Area's service committee. I do it clean, providing you do not count my morning cup of coffee. Using is slow motion death! Our denial and rationalization allows the disease to rule our lives. It's kind of like seeing a tiger hiding behind a bush and deciding that "If I don't make eye contact I will be safe." Unfortunately this tiger is ALWAYS hungry. I do admire your love and devotion!!! However I know no addict who cleaned up without hitting a bottom, and having to face consequences.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Read your posting and it really hit a chord until Jan 10, 2006 I lived with someone I still love very much, around September it was apparent he was not only into alcohol but becoming severely into crack. He admitted it, asked for help the day after a binge and I just didn't know what to do I offered to stick by him, talk, find meetings etc. Then I think early Dec he found a house where woman lived and others where he could go and get high and then because big house, yard, etc. and woman right age etc. he decided to leave because he did not want to give up smoking crack and I quess no longer loved me even though he was saying he did etc
so do I need help or just forget him and time spent with him he got carried away once before and it caused arguments and 3 months later spent 8 months in jail got out Feb 2005 seemed OK until July 2005 got started again but I was not aware not really because I stayed overnight at daughters on Fridays and got home 5 pm Saturday(babysitting) then it became an issue in Sept. 2005 we moved, he thought would help him get away from it but didn't turn out that way
After Hurricane on Oct 24, 2005 it became an issue again and fighting and etc started I feelanger that he didn't go through with getting help, told me loved me, kissed me goodbye every morning he went to work paid rent nice Christmas and then leaves to go to her
I feel hurt, betrayed etc we were not living in a comfortable place now he has everything
because of her, big house, yard, no bills, no worries, etc etc I had to move in with my daughter and that is worse than living with an alcoholic and or addict believe me.
Let him go, junkies are the biggest liers and thieves there is, he will continue to take advantage of you, as long as you let him.....if using meth is that good..let's see him do it all on his own.....and your asking people is God doing this or is God doing that....no one can answer that....he'll get help when he wants to...we all know he needs to.......
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I have no idea what this means...a signature usually has something to do with me signing a piece of paper with a pen......i hope this works.
