I went to a face to face meeting yesterday and it gave me a sad.
Some of the members that had been my life lines when I first started coming to meetings went back out.
Yes, I am beyond glad that they came back and are still alive, but I am struggling with the why.
I am also mad at them. And terrified if this will happen to me. And disappointed.
Oh hell, I had an expectation from some of them and had put them on pedestals because they had clean time.
Logically I know that we are all human and that this disease is a cunning little shit, but damn it hurts to see it when it is people that you love.
Wow, all these damn emotions and the big one was an expectation that I had placed on someone else.
You know one of the great things about this program, I don't have to react and I can come and write it down and either you guys would have helped me figure it out or my sponsor when I bugged him today at some normalish hour or someone else in my network.
Grateful for tools and a program today.
Now I think I can sleep.... Cause the monkeys have seemed to calmed down for the moment...
....yeh,,it's -tough- when someone close takes the dive....I find it makes it hard to open and trust others...
....the only 'good' is the reminder it gives.................have good dreams!
__________________
...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
The simple fact is that we are always addicts. Our disease has no cure.
It is the most natural thing in the world for an addict to use.
That's why we say "every day clean is a miracle"
Recovery is a 24/7/365 endeavor.
When we become complacent we risk relapse.
Learn from them. Listen to why they say they relapsed and what happened to bring them back to the rooms
and a life without drugs.
My name's Mike, I'm a grateful Recovering Addict. I learned long ago pedestals are dangerous for both sides. The longer you stay around the more you'll see people leave. I've long since lost count of those who have relapsed, some returning some never to be seen again. Have seen some with substantial time, years even decades, not relapsing but also not working an active program of recovery and instead of using escaping reality committing suicide. Yes it hurts to see, dealing with that hurt is part of life. This too shall pass.
Addiction is a cunning, baffling and deadly lifelong disease. I am an addict today and always. I will never be cured. But today I walk happy, joyous and free from the bonds of active addiction by the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God through the Power of the NA Way.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I came to this board 3½ years ago, nearly 17 years clean of active addiction, the morning after I held a scrip in my hands ready to escape the stress of my son and his mental health issues.
I didn't succumb in the moment because my son needed me but more than that, I didn't succumb later that night because I made a choice and I took the steps necessary to ensure I didn't fall.
For me, in conjunction with my HP, this board is a huge factor in continually making right choices... I read all the posts, share when I need to and I've even reached out when necessary.
Keep coming back!
kd
__________________
"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
