I am recovering, just over two months clean. I am married and when I was using my wife caught me both using and chatting online with women. I have been with her for 15 years and never chatted when sober, she did some investigating and found this to be true. My question is, have any of you dealt with getting clean while dealing with constant accusations and finger pointing? It make staying sober that much more difficult. I need feedback, this is starting to get overwhelming.
I am recovering, just over two months clean. I am married and when I was using my wife caught me both using and chatting online with women. I have been with her for 15 years and never chatted when sober, she did some investigating and found this to be true. My question is, have any of you dealt with getting clean while dealing with constant accusations and finger pointing? It make staying sober that much more difficult. I need feedback, this is starting to get overwhelming.
........I'm rather familiar with that 'overwhelm' you're talking of...definitely not an easy thing to deal with.
,,,,,,,,,,,for myself,,,it helped for me to realize that the lack of trust my partner displayed was based on -my- actions,,,,,,,,,,it's been 5 months for me since she had her world -ripped- open,,I'd say it changed how she sees the world forever!!
......it's only with 'right' action,,,one day at a time that I can hope to repair the damage I caused,,,,but of course the best thing I can do for the relationship is the best things I can do for recovery,,in fact there sometimes needs to be a new kind of 'selfishness' involved,,one where I sometimes step-back from active relationship--not easy again for the partner,but RECOVERY COMES FIRST!!
......it can be helpful to find a counselor that we could visit,,one who was familiar with the program,,who could help my partner understand why 'other things' need to take priority.........I understand NarAnon can also be helpful for partners of addicts
...with time,,hopefully trust can be rebuilt ,,and the relationship will evolve with a new,clean me!
...just remember--'we didn't get addicted in one day,so -easy-does-it-!!,,,I wish you well!
-- Edited by mikah on Thursday 6th of February 2014 11:18:44 AM
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Hi Sonny,
In my experience, it has been my actions that have lead me to trouble and out of it.
It has taken time, but when no one in the family would give me a key to their homes before; I now have keys and alarm codes.
Where no one would trust me with their debit/credit cards; my s/o gives me his card now and doesn't ask me where and what I have been doing.
In essence, I had to act it and let my actions speak for me. My words were empty before, but today they mean something.
It does not happen over night either. It was not until year 3 that I got a key to my mom's; but as the years go by and I work in recovery I gain more with them.
But the best part, is that I have gained more of "me" in this program.
I suggest doing meetings, getting a homegroup, and a sponsor.
Also, when that overwhelming feeling comes on, pick up the phone and call someone in the program. It's hard, but it does work.
