...I was remembering the other day how it was ~25 years ago that I went to an NA meeting because I wanted to quit smoking!,,,,,afterall ,nicotine's a narcotic,no!?...........imagine my surprise to discover that the meeting was -filled- with smokers puffing away!!
......I'm now 5 months from my DOC,,4 months -clean-,,,and realize it's been a very long time that I've been sick and tired of being sick and tired of smoking!!
..........I've made enough 'research' with NA and using,,to know that I've found 'home' in NA,,and I see how my addiction is live and well and living with smoking,,,,,much like bamboo--it lives underground,,pops up all over the place!
...I tried quitting smoking 3 months ago,,,made it a week,,,but by that time both my G'friend and sponsor were suggesting 'maybe it's not the right time',,,I let go of the attempt.In that try,,,the emotional -crush- was overwhelming,,but I do also see that although I chose a time when there wasn't much 'on the plate',,it was a period where my annual 'SAD'(seasonal effect) was coming on,,and indeed probably not the best time
...now I'm grateful to say that life's been treating me well--I've been blessed with soooo many good things---rebuilding my relationship with self as well as significant other,,a demanding but rewarding job of doing building maintenance in the 'downtown east-side',a regular in the 'church basements',,working the steps a day at a time,,,,,,,and getting sick and tired of smoking!
...nowadays,,I'm seeing and feeling how smoking is effecting me,,been conscious on a daily basis of the damage I'm doing,,,,and as I 'surrender' each day to the acceptance of being an addict,,I see that smoking is something that I want to address,,but FEAR is there,,just like other addiction--that fear of a --CRUSHING-- overwhelming RUSH of emotions,,,the feeling that I've tried/failed for some 35 years!!..that 'oh-why-bother' feeling---a NARCOTIC addiction indeed!!!
..I DEFINITELY feel POWERLESS!!,,,and doubly so,cause the same rooms that have helped save my life from my DOC still have active smokers and smoke breaks....it seems -taboo- to bring up my smoking issue at meetings,,and I find little help from my sponsor,who's never smoked!......
---why is it that nicotine has some sort of amnesty as a drug--shouldn't it be...''NICOTINE IS A DRUG TOO!!!''...??
....it helps to write this out and share somewhere,,,feel the emotions,,,and remember it's a 'just for today' program!......I'll continue to pray each day for that right moment to let go of this disgusting habit,,and show compassion for myself---it worked with my DOC,,I -know- there'll be a 'right-time' with this sad crutch too!!
...It would be great if any of you folks want to join a dialogue on smoking issues!!!!!.
...thanks for letting me share!..........mikah
-- Edited by mikah on Monday 18th of August 2014 10:53:19 AM
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Funny you should bring this up because, in fact, nicotine qualifies in every way.
It is addictive, mind and mood altering, and deadly. That being said, while I do know of people already in the program
who use the steps and principles of NA to quit smoking you are the first person I heard of who
actually joined the program to quit cigs. I wonder how you were received by the other members?
Funny you should bring this up because, in fact, nicotine qualifies in every way. It is addictive, mind and mood altering, and deadly. That being said, while I do know of people already in the program who use the steps and principles of NA to quit smoking you are the first person I heard of who actually joined the program to quit cigs. I wonder how you were received by the other members?
..ahh,,as I said,,it was ~25 years ago,,,all I remember is feeling very welcome,,rather awkward,,,,and quite out-of-place!!,,,not unlike anyone coming in for the first time!...........of course ,I progressed to some much stronger stuff since those days,,,certainly feel more 'in-the right-place' now!,,,'cept for the smoking issue
...talking of being 'received' by the other members,,,when I first came into the rooms for my D.O.C.,,I announced I wanted to..........get this......''become a part time user''!!,,,,,almost got laughed out of the room!!,,,before everyone shared with grace and patience!.................I'm glad to be able to say now that I've let that idea go--it makes life MUCH easier!!!
.........I'm sure I'll soon find the right time to let go of smoking too,,,in the meantime I notice I'm butting-out earlier at least
-- Edited by mikah on Tuesday 4th of February 2014 08:34:04 PM
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
.....at a meeting on saturday,someone spoke to a fellow who's repeatedly coming back,,,saying ''it's clear you have the will to recover,,may you also have the resolve to follow through''..........these words registered with me.
..the following night ,,I was at my GF's ,where I slap-on a nicotine patch while I'm around,,and had not re-stocked my cigarettes as I normally would have,,planning to 'pick-up' in the morning.
...Over recent times I've been praying for the 'right moment' to come along,such that I could apply the principles of NA to my smoking addiction,,,and woke to a dialogue of,,,,''hey buddy-today's the day!'',,,,you've finally allowed yourself to run out of stash!'',,,,''why not listen to that gal who shared y'day,picking up some resolve to do the right thing'',,,and ''pick up a good hit of resolve ,just for today'',,,,''remember this is a just for today program!--be sure not to worry about the -big- picture--don't -overwhelm-just think of staying clear from smoking for TODAY,,,one day at a time'' .......
...I remembered some advice I shared with another addict--''don't let your health be the one to steer your direction,cause you can't take a step for yourself'',,and realized this is important advice for -me- to take today--I can see the damage that smoking's been doing to me,,,and remembered how I was sick and tired of smoking,,trying to quit even 25 years ago!
...so I resisted that first one,,remembering one is too many,,1000 never enough,,,as soon as I have one there's little stopping me from picking up the next,,,,,,and how that voice reminded me how turning to my higher power with prayer has helped in moments of weakness,,whether it be to phone my sponsor,,go to another meeting,,,or simply stop and breathe!
...so today...I'm waking up with a day clean!!....I'm staying one step ahead of my impulses by allowing each rush and urge to smoke to be a reminder to turn it over to prayer.,,,and each time the obsession eases....a voice sometimes asks''who are you doing this for?''--I easily reply--'for MYSELF,,just for today!!''
...as I head into this day,,I'm grateful to Narcotics anonymous for giving me the message , tools ,and spiritual strength of recovery such that I can take this step,just for today,,into a brave new smoke-free world!!
Just for today: I will cooperate with the new influence of fellowship and spiritual strength NA has introduced to my life. ....I will remember the -resolve- I've gained through the program of NA and take that right-next-step!!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. ...ahhh,,,day 2,,,already feel myself breathing easier--not wheeezing as much at night!
....not that it's -easy-,,but each time I get a surge of desire or nostalgia,,,I just 'turn it over' to my HP,,,remember to breath--so far it's working!
...I took my step-book to work yesterday...now each time I come back to my workroom,,I take a 'step-break' rather than more black TAR!!
..........it's seeming like a bit of a lonely place here for quitting smoking--I guess I'll take my bye-bye smoking log to Nico-anon
-- Edited by mikah on Tuesday 25th of February 2014 11:24:57 AM
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. .....me's taking another kick at th'can now.....was at a meditation retreat for a week,,quit before I left,,,so I've got 8 days now.
...the retreat was the easy part,,only a couple of smokers there,,and a -very- helpful atmosphere......I've passed the first test-arrive home knowing there's almost 2 cartons(!!) waiting,,,,gave them to a friend,,
......next test is ironically break-time at the NA meeting...I'm glad I've gained many tools in recovery.....especially how it's a 'just for today' program---I only need to focus on not smoking for today ,,this minute,,,,,not worry 'bout the big picture.
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. ..day 9 now...been getting through allright,,had an outdoors day away from temptations,,,,,but am 'just for the minute' a bit,,just discovering it seems bedbugs moved in while I was away--rather annoying to be nibbled on when I try to sleep!
...I know that smokes or anything else won't help me through....methinks I'll try to catch some zzzzz's now,,lots of solutions to be had in a bright new day
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
....heh,,,well if it weren't for 'becoming aware' that we had a problem,,we certainly wouldn't have come to any solutions in the challenges we've already met!...now that I've 'made a decision',and have recovery and HP close to me in my routine and mind,,,,,,it's relatively easy to take the next step.
so far,,,the customary -rush of overwhelming emotions- seems to be standing back,,,even though I've got some 'stuff' going on,,,and I'm taking lots of time to stop and let -recovery comes first-
...ps ...I'm not trying to be 'evangelist' about quitting smoking,,but it does help to share,,,and perhaps there's others who are waiting for that 'right' time
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
,,,and perhaps there's others who are waiting for that 'right' time
Don't believe there is such a thing as that right time to quit smoking. Either sick and tired enough of smoking to fully surrender or not. Any idiot knows they should quit smoking, both from financial and health points of view. Logic has little to nothing to do with it.
Waiting for the right time is a great classic excuse one can give ones self to not face the withdrawals from nicotine both physical and psychological. Of course it's not just nicotine, it's a behavioral thing too. Does one truly want to stop that is the question?
My NA Clean Date is 11-27-1980.
And I took a break and walked outside and smoked a cancer stick typing this. Yes I'm honest about it and calls 'em as I sees 'em.
Do I want to stop? Honestly I've smoked for 45 years and don't really want to quit. Haven't made a feeble try to quit in easily a couple decades. Should I quit? Duh, but what does that have to do with anything?
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
...yah,,'right time' --whatever....I've always enjoyed athletic pursuits,,a physical lifestyle,,it really felt like time to choose. ... always used t'say....-only- 50% die from smoking related disease,,the rest get in accidents while trying t'light their smokes
....10 days now,,,already feeling a difference in my base energy,, usually get a -rush- of emotionalism but seem to be hanging well even though the worlds throwing challenges my way ....feels like 'right-time' indeed.
..........I'm glad it's not said in the rooms...''nicotine's a drug too''......there'd be rather less people at meetings .......but for me,,it feels good to move on just for today
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. ...I guess it's 11days now,,,,got a bit of overwhelmo going on,,,decided to 'let go,,let gawd' for the afternoon.....I'd rather ease-up than surrender to the wrong side. ...time for a nap
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
.
....ahh,,15 days now!....I'm grateful to say that for having become familiar with the NA program,,,overall the challenges of letting Crudacco go hasn't been so bad as in the past.........through quitting my drug,,I came to see what games the mind can play,,to put recovery first,,and learnt the tools to deal with challenges as they come up.....so far so good,,today I am clean!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
....me's at day 23,,,,,happy as can be!
......to be honest,,I'd say yesterday was my biggest challenge so far.....I'm pretty full-moon sensitive,,usually 2-3 days before the focus,,but somehow th'moon snuck-around and bit me in th'A yesterday.
....I find myself taking a look at my work,,and how I've 'armored' or 'numbed' myself to cope with the environs.Removing smoking from my life is sensitizing me ...I'd have to say in a good way......
.................for today,,I choose to continue
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. .....made it through a tooth-extraction today. ....it was not soo long ago ,,in addiction,,that I somehow rationalized that -any- dental work deserved a relapse on my drug
...I am grateful today to realize just how batfried my mind was,,,and how it could come up with the most ludicrous reasons to pick up!!
...now it's day 25 not smoking--I thank the trials I've had over the past few days to see I can live without smokes through most -anything-
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
........overall,I'd best describe myself as having been in a funk ,,,anything else I've tried to do seems to be going sideways but it's day 35 ...a miracle for sure ,,,and I just did my step 5 with my sponsor,,so there's more miracles to come.......and went to an H&I orientation so I'll soon be able to share it as well!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. .....thought I'd rename this thread to reflect the shift from hate and desperation of my old way of being,,to the place I am now--enjoying some of the benefits of having left smoking behind.......I'm definitely having some 'life-on-life's-terms come up,,,and perhaps some life-changes that are precipitated by the choice I made for further recovery,,,,and it's definitely not easy,,,,,,but I surely want to stop getting in my own way,,,let the miracle unfold!!
...38 days now!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
.
.......closing in on 2 months now,,,definitely one day at a time,,,sometimes just a few breaths at a time,,,but I feel relief to be able to join others at a meeting-break,,and say no-thanks when offered a smoke.
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Keep on going your doing great . Don't try and hang out with smokers but being able to say no when offered a cigarette , is great .
...yeh,hang out in the barber shop--I'm likely to get a haircut,,,I know,,,,but I've found that some of my primary interactions have been at breaktime,,and 2/3 to 3/4 go outside. Ironically in the past I found this to be the toughest part of quitting,,,glad that I've got enough recovery in me to see the difference now.
...thanks for dropping by buckberry!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
I know breaktime at meetings was hard for me , I still can't go out and stand with the smokers even vapor pipe smokers.
...those vapor pipes 'annoy' me---even had one blow-off in a meeting lately
...whether it's a trigger or 'just' a repulsion ..I find it hard not to associate the paraphernalia involved,,and the vapor exhaled with the drug that took me down!
....I cannot believe that those vaporpipes will prove to be 'harmless'. If it's mood-altering--why are people smoking it,,,,and if it's not-why bother?
...rant finished.
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
. ....it's been 9 weeks now,,,been easing off the patch these days and sometimes go without...other times I've stopped smoking I've 'stumbled' over stopping the patch too soon. As with my other drug,it's taken a few tries to get things 'right',,,but things -are- going well. .......I had a crazy ex-smoker dream last night--I was going through various activities of the day as a smoker...stopping every ~20 minutes to suck on one,,,I had this big pain in my chest,, felt terrible, and knew all my woes were related to the smoking,,,,,but I couldn't stop!!.............I was sure glad to wake and realize it wasn't a dream!!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
..I found it helpful to use the principles and strengths I gained in recovery and apply them towards my battle with smoking.
As you know,,we all recover in our own ways.I see you have gained a LOT more 'ummph points' ,,time from your drug...if you want,,you can apply them to quitting smoking.....one of the first things I now realize is that as much as my mind told me,,, if I don't have a cigarette for the next hour--I won't crumble or disintegrate!
...what's worked this time for me is to.......... 'set a date',common advice-I realize I was looking forwards ~2months to the 'right time',,it was a meditation retreat over my birthday--it was a powerful enough time that I went completely cold turkey for a week.... Be gentle on myself when I don't keep it,or make it breath-free for long and remember recovery comes first-the reality of this summer is that I've had to let a few things fall to the side and allow recovery to be the priority!..... Be happy about the small victories....... Allow myself to acknowledge the harm smoking is doing for me,,and don't forget what made me sick'n tired in the first place!........... Realize that I need to rely and work with my personal higher power than that support which usually comes from meetings--I've shared more here than at meetings,since there's a fair # of people smoking at meetings,,,,I find it good to share my process here...you are reading this because you decided to-whoever you are,,,all the best!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
I know breaktime at meetings was hard for me , I still can't go out and stand with the smokers even vapor pipe smokers.
hah,,,we recently had a group conscious about vapor smoke -in- meetings, and also an agreement that indeed VS paraphernalia is -not- appropriate on the meeting tables.
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
so frustrated. Thought of the same thing going to NA to quit smoking. Little nervous about walking through the door. Wondering if they would laugh me outta the room too for wanting to quit smoking. Have enough steps though to know there is a spiritual side to every program .. even AA alcohol is also a metaphor .. it's the thinking behind the drinking or what leads us to the same. That's the Real recovery; reaching the Root of what's Really going on under the surface because no matter what we tell ourselves, there is something deeper .. something missing we are trying to fill the void of .. nothing ever filled it for me; I feel empty and know if i'm not filling from the inside nothing outside will Ever be enough.
It is such a habit for me. My life is changing and there's a lot of fear kicking in. My surroundings; family; every area of my life .. My smoking is as out of control as everything around me. Yet I smoke so much I spoze because it's what I (think) can control .. I know it's an illusion but sure is powerful.
Smoking is like still being with my abusive x .. it's a replacement for the people that are gone out of my life as well .. Sucks .. I hear myself when I say what's the point, i'm losing faith in my higher power .. (not sure I had it to lose; I misplace it many times) .. many times I put the faith in me then when nothing happens and I see I cant do something I project that onto god as if god can't either.
I don't need or want to be judged for going to na .. AA wouldn't take me .. I know the meeting guys though .. they are a close group .. but shame is shame .. I respect anonymity .. I am not wanting to go to judge faults .. I would be extremely hypocritical to do so. they just keep saying it's about still drinking a 'bottle of alcohol .. it's so much deeper than that .. alcohol is also a metaphor .. powerless over people places things including ourselves (alone) .. will just keep reading I spoze and hoping something clicks ..
...wow NT...if your mind's running as fast as your words!.................. I know I'm feeling breathless for just -reading- what you share, it actually caused me the impulse to breathe deep, calm myself, think of my loving and caring HP. When I'm feeling like I do for reading what you say, I wish I could always remember to stop and breathe and ask my higher self, my HP, my sponsor what the 'right next step' is. The sense of answer I receive is to TRUST that my fears are just that...they're my sad -little- self trying to hang-on to what it knows. The beauty of quitting smoking is that I can go to a meeting and -talk- about quitting smoking without having to stop smoking first,,,infact other's will share the same. At breaktime,if there's one, a few of us would likely go outside ,smoke AND talk more about quitting. I'm glad it's not similar for other narcotics,LOL. We've gone to enough meetings,,and I've been 'coming back' enough to know that my HP's love and compassion and non-judgmental forgiveness is alive and well at each and every meeting so long as I am willing to allow it! The beauty is that the only step I need to take today is to admit I have a problem,,to surrender just a bit,,
.............to admit powerlessness is to open a door!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
.....me's been remembering to remember my HP when an urge comes on,,,now reducing the nico patch. One day at a time, I look forward to further reducing my chemical content, and finding a new ,lighter,kinder way to live!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
