What helped me was reading the chapter in the NA book

 

http://www.sobermusicians.com/literature/textchapter7.html

 

Last time i relapsed i took a real hard look at what i wasnt doing, it took me another 2 years before i worked the 12 step program as suggested but i stayed clean  after a 2 week or so relapse by the skin of my teeth mostly fear, then i kept wanting to use and i knew I had to do something drastic, OH MY i really had to try and work this program as suggested and i made a pact with God and myself, actually God spoke to me and told me he'd make it realy simple for me, asked if i could do 5 things in order to stay clean, I said yes Father I can so he said #1 get a sponsor, #2 work the 12 steps with him, #3 go to meetings daily, #4 get into service, #5 TRUST THE PROCESS and trust me this will work.

3 years have now passed, my recovery is better then ever, I have a relationship with God now who I depend on, I am a trusted servant, my life has changed and my behaviors and attitudes have and are changing, I have had a spiritual awakening and a spirtiual experience while working the steps, I finally have a chance now on a daily basis to remain clean and sober the rest of my days, as do you, as long as you remain willing to try........

Thanks to you both, I am feeling less disconnected now. I will be taking a hard look at what I have not been doing in my daily life that the program suggests....and I have definitely been humbled by the relapse and realized I am powerless. The responses are much appreciated.

Welcome MJE to the group and am so so so very glad that you made it back into the rooms and did not have to die. I can offer no expierence on recovery after a relapse as since I came into the rooms in 2000 I have made a daily choice to choose to do whatever it takes to assure me another day clean. One of the many gifts that this program has given to me is the gift of "Choice" and today I do have a choice whether to use or not to. I have been given the tools in recovery to help guide me and to show me just what it is that I need to do on a daily basis in order to achieve another day clean in recovery. I have found that for me, this program does work if you learn how to work it, live it and apply it into your daily life. The program of Narcotices Anomyous makes only ONE PROMISE and that is FREEDOM from ACTIVE addiction provided you are vigilant in your program and take the suggestions and apply they. It states in the NA book that, "We have NEVER seen an addict relapse who throughly LIVES the program of Narcotices Anomyous" and that is a heavy statement there. The key word there is "Live" the program. It does work if you work it but it goes much further than that. We have to learn to LIVE the program, the spiritual principles and the steps. I suggest that you get yourself grounded into the program. Go to at least ONE meeting every single day and then keep going. Use your Sponsor and if she is not working for you, know that it is okay to get another Sponsor as recovery is your responsibility. You have to become willing to put as much effort into your recovery as you put into your addiction. Don't give up. Get phone numbers and use them....everyday. Establish a network of people that you know will be there for you at all hours of the night. Get involved in service. No matter what, keep coming back and don't give up on yourself. If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. You never have to use again and it is your choice. All along your journey to your relapse, there were red flags up. I would suggest that you look at what it is that you did not do and next time....do something different. You had many choices along the way towards relapse to do something didn't and you chose not to do the things that you needed to do in order to get another day clean. When we become beaten, we become willing and when we become willing.........we begin to change.
Pround of you for getting honest about the relapse. That is how this program works. Go pick up a start over chip, hold your head up as there is nothing shameful about being an addict as long as we are willing to take the necessary steps to treat that addiciton. You've earned your right to be here with your pain. Stick and stay and no matter what.....DON'T USE! Love ya