I was sitting outside this morning taking my partners inventory when I had an epiphany about my own state of mind.
I'm on the slippery slope. I have a pain condition called Fibro Mialgia and of late I've had access to codein because of it. I've taken a few times when my body has been very sore, but to be honest there has also been an element of wanting the mellow that it brings. I've been ignoring the connotations until this morning.
I'm a loner where I live and it's very easy to let the program slide away. So here I am, telling the truth and getting real about what I'm doing.
Honesty, the antidote to our diseased thinking....WE all may have a tendency to use prescribed meds to overuse.Like WE are told our bodies don't know the difference between legal or illegal drug use....I would suggest speaking with your sponsor(if you have one) sharing honestly like you are doing here and even checking with your Doctor to see if the prescription is strong enough..I have found for me, staying as active as I can be and reaching out to help others often continues to help me....There is nothing wrong with the thinking pattern ,pain is not enjoyable to say the least, ,its the action we take that makes the difference ..Share your feelings and ask for help...its how we do it...I will lift you up in prayer ,making a meeting I would also suggest if that is doable for you...Keep coming back let us know how your doing...Have a safe and blessed New Year...I also have found revisiting NA Literature "IN TIMES OF ILLNESS",,IP#23 The Loner -Staying Clean in Isolation AND OTHER READINGS can help reinforce not using to abuse... GOOGLE na.org/ :) www.na.org/
-- Edited by MIKEF on Tuesday 31st of December 2013 05:46:20 PM
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
My last relapse started that way, injury to my bad, pain meds, first 1 then 2 then 5 then 8, after I took 2 i noticed what you described so i took more knowing I was in relapse, and unlike you i told no one and it got worse until i finally relapsed on my drugs of choice, I had something to learn about my addiction at that point and learn more about myself, 7 years now I have not relapsed since.
So good on you for telling on yourself, its a slippery slope we stand on at times, stay vigilant your actions have to change or nothing changes you'll get the same results or worse, blessings.
I'm confused here BigV. You state that after you injured your back you were taking pain medication. First it was one, then 2, then 6, then 8 so are you saying that you were taking more medication than what you were prescribed???? Then you go on to say that you finally relapsed on your drug of choice but if you were misusing and abusing the pain medications that you already had.....that is a relapse. Call a spade a spade. It is not okay to take more than your Doctor prescribes. Those guidelines are set there for a reason.
Am I understanding you correctly? Sometimes by me being blind, I misunderstand sentences and comments.
Big V. = Sorry if I came off wrong in my responce. I was just concerned that a newcomer or someone without enough information might think that it's okay to take more medication (use & abuse) than what a Doctor prescribes to you and not realize that that is a relapse. Don't want the wrong message getting out there.
-- Edited by Dustina ILia on Tuesday 31st of December 2013 11:20:39 PM
Glad you shared this online. It would be even better to share it with your sponsor. Addiction is a tricky illness that can take many forms. As an addict, I don't know the difference between medication prescribed by a doctor and medication prescribed by me. If it feels good, I'll do it, and more of it. Keep coming back.
So here I am, telling the truth and getting real about what I'm doing.
yes indeed you are on a very slippery slope. Personally I think your disease is already working it's evil spell on you. Coming on to an anonymous internet message board gives the ILLUSION of 'telling the truth" and 'getting real" But in reality you are not. Calling your sponsor, sharing publically at face to face meetings, and maybe, if suggested by your sponsor, picking up a white keytag are the actions that will allow you to start fresh. Chronic pain conditions are the downfall of many addicts seeking recovery. I have no answers for you in that regard, I can only say that I wish you well.
Greetings Em and Welcome!
Addicted to codeine by the time I was fourteen, I can say I understand how easily it is to slip on this one and having been stricken with a chronic disease that put me right in the arms of my demons through prescription, I can also say you're headed for trouble if you don't take action now!
Self-awareness is a great asset for an addict but being honest with my physicians/surgeons is what saved me from relapse... they tuned into who I was; my personality, monitored my dosages vigilantly and knew instantly when my response to their prescribed meds became negative and changed things up.
The comments above are sound so take heed and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
kd
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"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
I'm confused here BigV. You state that after you injured your back you were taking pain medication. First it was one, then 2, then 6, then 8 so are you saying that you were taking more medication than what you were prescribed???? Then you go on to say that you finally relapsed on your drug of choice but if you were misusing and abusing the pain medications that you already had.....that is a relapse. Call a spade a spade. It is not okay to take more than your Doctor prescribes. Those guidelines are set there for a reason. Am I understanding you correctly? Sometimes by me being blind, I misunderstand sentences and comments.
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!
OH YES the pain pills were definitely a relapse once i realized what i was going after, the high, it was a relapse, and that led to a relapse of cocaine and alcohol, my 2 drugs of choice, I hate pills actually LOL the pills brought on the craving for the real deal, thats what i meant.
-- Edited by BigV on Wednesday 1st of January 2014 11:57:51 PM
Thanks for clearing that up for me Big V. A relapse is a relapse is a relapse. It doesn't matter what the substance is that you took IN the relapse, if you abuse it or misused it or were taking illegal drugs........it is a relapse.
I know for myself after being diagnosed with Leukemia at six months clean, dealing with a benign brain tumor (that they can't take out) which creates sever headaches, living with fibro-myalgia, two strokes, a mild heart-attack, COPD/Emphazemia, Lupus, degenerative disk disease, buldging disk, neuropathy and several other health issues that bring about major pain that I have to stay vigilant in my program and stay focused. When the brain is under a mind altering - mood changing substance.....the brain tends to kick back into the "Addict" way of thinking and I have to really look at the pain that I am in and determin if I take medication, is it really to treat the pain or to get high, buzzed, or elated and take me out of myself. This is a tricky disease and it will use anything to take your focus off of recovery. It was a struggle for me for many years. I told every Doctor that I had that I was a Recovering Addict and reminded them everytime I went back to see them. I cannot expect them to remember and that is NOT their responsibility.....it is my responsibility to take responsibility for my recovery.
I later entered a "Pain Management Clinic" to help find ways to deal with pain without having to use narcotics to control the pain. Acupuncture, meditation, breathing exercises, over-all exercises, holistic treatments and finally ended putting a "Neuro-Stimulator" into my spine in order to help control the pain. It has been really effective and I have not had to take any narcotics or mind altering mood changing substances since working with these Doctors to find ways to control my pain. Where my pain use to ride on a lever 13 out of 0 to 10 scale..I can say that it remains below a five now and closer to a 3 in pain.
All I know is that the physical pain that I was living in was nothing compared to the pain that I lived in in active addiction and the road it took me down. Thru the Grace of God and the program of recovery....I have been able to deal with and work thru my health issues without resorting back to using. My drug of choice was "MORE" of anything that would take me out of myself. I abused it all! Sure, there were drugs that I tended to gravitate to more but if they were not available......anything would do.
Grateful to have made it another year clean but just for today..........I have, just today.
