Just throwing this out there, into the four winds tonight. I got a call this afternoon from my son, from jail. As some of you already know, this time last year (the same week before Christmas), I bailed him out of jail and he jumped the bond and ran three days later. I had to go through the process of locating him and providing that information to the bondsmen, so they could get a bounty hunter to go get him in Texas and bring him back to North Carolina. I had put up one thousand dollars on a ten thousand dollar bond. I would not swallow a nine thousand dollar debt, for a carton of cigarettes and a 12 pack of beer he stole during a burglary of a family owned, mom and pop convenience store.
Well, he was held until his court date and eventually sentenced to three years probation, with some number of hours community service, restitution for damages, etc. On the phone today he said he had been busted for shop lifting this morning in Houston and they came up with a fugitive warrant from North Carolina for his having left the state while his probation was still active without his probation officers consent. So, after his time is served for a Class B misdemeanor (shop lifting 50.00 - 500.00) he will be transported back here. I listened. Then asked why he was calling me about his situation. I had already done my part last year by trying to help him and instead of honoring the trust I put in him to stand up and face the music of his actions, he ran. He had left some woman in a cheap hotel room, they had been staying in for about a week, and he didn't have any money to pay the bill so he thought he could get it by stealing stuff from a dept. store and returning it to the store for money to pay the rent on the room. He wanted to know if I would call the hotel, ask for his room number and tell this woman he was in jail, and would be gone for a pretty good while due the current charges and the fugitive warrant, so she was on her own. I was a little bit tickled by this request. Reminds me of the kind of crap I did back in my hay day of active alcoholism and addiction. The same thing over and over, "expecting" different results. His call was ended within 10 minutes and I called the hotel he told me about. This woman answers the room phone, screaming, "where the hell are you? Jason has been by here to collect the money we owe him for all the stuff he has fronted us this week. I hope you got the money because he is pissed off that you been avoiding him."
I said, "well, that is bad, but this isn't James, its his father. James is sitting in county jail, and will be there until he goes to court for shop lifting and then transferred to North Carolina for leaving the state without his P.O's consent. He still had 2 years to do on his probation here in NC. So, you won't be seeing him for a while and he wanted me to let you know you were on your own now." She was silent for a moment. "That S.O.B, he put my wedding ring and a gold necklace with a diamond on it in a pawn shop, and I don't know where it is, and can't get it now because it's in his name! And he took my car this morning, so it will likely be towed somewhere by the police or the store to remove it from their lot!" I laughed. "Your wedding ring?" She admitted that she was married, met my son and started having an affair with him about a week before. Her husband immediately found out about it via text messages on her cell phone, and she now has no home to go back to.
I asked her how much did they owe this guy Jason and what for. She said it was about 300.00 and it was for cocaine/crack. I just said, "well, all I can suggest is you find somewhere to go pretty fast, because this guy will be back to collect his money and he isn't likely to keep swallowing any excuses for your not having it. You are in a dangerous situation."
She started crying and I told her she might want to go to a hospital and ask for help with her addiction to drugs, otherwise things were just going to go from bad to worse. I said good bye and hung up.
That's how my day started today.
Then this afternoon I got a call from a young man, 22 years old. He is in Newark, NJ. sitting in a porter potty to stay out of the cold all night. He tells me he is dope sick, (opiates) hasn't used since early yesterday, tried to go to the community hospital and get into detox but no beds were open in the two free detox centers they have there. (of course not, when the winter sets in many go into detox, to get out of the cold, life is hell on a addict in active addiction that has burnt all their bridges). I ask his name and he tells me its Paul. I think to myself... "Porter Potty Paul" and kinda giggle at the nickname I suddenly found for this guy. I ask him how he found my number and why he was calling me. He broke down crying. I am dying in this little stinking box and I don't want to die, I want help and have asked for it but keep getting turned away from any one I go to ask". My cell has internet on it and I did a search and found your number on a web site. Is there any way you can help me?"
I am baffled. How the heck am I suppose to help this young man sitting in a porter potty in another state, crying and basically begging for help? I ask him the name of the community hospital he went to, and the two detox centers there. I tell him I am going to make a few phone calls and will call him back within an hour. I call all three places, and they do not have any beds open at all. Then my phone rings, and its one of the detox's I had just spoken to. A worker tells me that a man who had been there 3 times in the last month just walked out the door again and they were not going to let him back in. If I could get Porter Potty Paul (LOL) there they would hold the bed for him for one hour. I called Paul back and told him the news, he said "that's great, but that detox is a two hour walk from where I am." I got him to tell me what business he was close to, it's general address. He provided an exact address and name of a welding shop. I tell him to go stand in front of it for 30 minutes or so, a taxi will pick him up and get him to the detox. This guy, just breaks down completely. Crying his guts out. A lump settles into my throat, and I basically am choked up as I tell him, "you are going to be alright, you never have to live like this again, just get in the cab and follow the process that gets laid out in front of you from this point forward, alright?" He is sobbing so hard, I can barely make out his saying, "thank you, thank you, yes I will I promise. Thank you!"
I do a search on the internet for the address he provided and yes, it goes to a welding shop. At least I know he is where he says he is. I call a taxi cab company there in Newark, and they say they will send a cab out to pick him up within 15 minutes. 45 minutes later, my phone rings, its Paul. "I'm here, they are taking me to the back right now, but they won't let me keep my cell phone with me, so I wanted to call and just tell you again, thank you." I tell him.. just go in there, and when you talk to a counselor, let them know you need to go into a treatment program, or some type of aftercare housing, and they will help find some place safe for you to go from there." "Can I call you when I get wherever I am going from here?" I reply, "yes, definitely, I'd like that, but before you call me, I want you to call your family, and let them know you are safe, and getting help, alright?" He agrees.
Amazing how this stuff works. I can't do anything for my own son but let him suffer the consequences of his decisions and actions. But I can help someone else's that is states away, in a darn porter potty begging for help.
Wow, what an awesome story there John. So sorry to hear about the trouble that your son has gotten HIMSELF into. Consequences suck but are necessary in order to get a person to the point of depseration where they are willing to do something different. It says in our literature, "When we become beaten, WE become willing, when WE become willing....WE begin to change. Unfortunatley and fortunatly this is what is going on with your son.
Porter Potty is a PRIME example of someone who has become beaten down by the disease and it's consequences to the point of desperation where he became willing to reach out for help and to do anything in order to find a new way of life. That is the differences between the two stories (son versus Porter Potty Paul) in that Paul is finally reaching his point of desperation and is becoming willing to do and to try something different. That is the KEY here because Paul has finally moved into the acceptence that he is Powerless over his Addiction and that it has made his life unmanagable and surrendered to the point of asking for help. Good thing you were there for him. God's timing is so totally awesome.
As for your son.....sometimes we can love the people in our lives, to death by becoming their biggest enablers. Seems like you learned a valuable lesson last year when you went his bond and cushioned his consequences and that you yourself are doing something different as well this time around. You may have saved his life by allowing him to remain in jail and forcing him to suffer the consequences of the choices and behaviors that he chose to act out on and not setting yourself up as well and there is help for him in jail/prison if he chooses to accept it. I know, as I went to Prison (5) times before I became willing to do something different. He will be okay in jail/prison and can take advantage of programs that are available to him while in there if he so chooses.
I would make a suggestion NOT to send him any money while he is in jail/prison. Everything that they NEED (basic higene), clothing, towels & washclothes, toothpaste, deoderant and all will be supplied to him by the facility. If he is deemed to be "Indegent" (meaning he has NO financial support from the outside for such items) the Facility he goes to will have to provide these things. He does not need money for canteen.....that is merely a luxery and if you make life too easy on him while he is in jail/prison, then he will not learn anything from being there. Let him have it rough...because you love him.
-- Edited by Dustina ILia on Friday 20th of December 2013 10:39:21 AM
The God of our understanding is OUR strength...........WE apply our 3rd and 11th STEP to the best of our abilities ,make decisions and allow God to take care of the results. WE had the same with our 17 year old son ,hard Core Heroin addict, robbed us blind, led us to Bankruptcy for bills we could not pay and ended up PUting him on street 90lbs and $150.00 Jones killin him...It was only through our strong faith and our ability to follow through with boundaries we set that allowed us all to LIVE...My own reco very(at that time more than 20 years) was shaken to the core....I was attending Nar-Anon meetings being able to offer suggestions ,leading to help for some others which in turn truly helped me and my wife...Sharing the pain definitely helped. I can only pray for your life to find peace in the God of your own understanding, allow your HP to do the work and live JUST FOR TODAY...iT IS OBVIOUS YOU KNOW ALL THIS. .But I know for me it took constant reinforcement to stay strong in the hardest period of my life. .My son now in his 4th year of recovery and becoming a responsible member of society. He has since told us that we helped him save his own life by putting him out. .WE never had to do anything more difficult and spent years crying ourselves to sleep at night and for me personally being so grateful that the monster of my 25 years of active addiction was arrested ,through God's grace and mercy. a day at a time for close to 3 decades now...I have listened to your own story and know that you will do whatever it takes to remain free of the Monster but we all know, its not a magic bullet, it takes daily work, support and the trust in our Higher Powers. .As always I will lift you up in my daily office of prayer. .Beautiful work on lending a guiding light to porta potty Paul...WE never know when we may entertain Angels....Be blessed and in strength In God's grace, each day I remember to not allow anyone to steal my JOY,, ,some days are much easier than others but each day free of active drug addiction gives me another opportunity....Thanx for the help sharing today ,its how WE help each other....I pray your son will finally reach the state of the "pain outweighing any pleasure and doing whatever it takes to find LIFE........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
sometimes these things just bring tears to my eye and to my heart and i remember where i was at one day , years back, how hopeless I was and am and what it took to get me here today, amazing miraculous things can happen in our lives if we just let go , give up hanging onto that shit and try something DIFFERENT... thanks john
