I am currently on a sixth step, the step working guide states "our goal is to raise awareness of our defects so we can become entirely ready. well in the mist of rasing this awareness I fins myself being humiliated and miserable .. im praying and then I try to control them.. the hope is this is a process that is sometimes painful, however I would rather go through this step then go through life wondering why I always end up in the fetal position with a crack pipe in my mouth..
The 6th step can be very painful.
By now we are aware of our character defects and we want to change
but we still hold onto them.
In this step, our goal is to become willing to let go of our defects of character.
For me, letting go means doing something different.
We realize in this step, however, that we cannot remove our defects by ourselves: we need the help of a higher power.
That's where step 7 comes in.
Step six is a tough one.
Becoming enitrelly ready to let go of our defects is a tall order.
Let's face it. Our defects probably defined who we are or were for a long time.
Do we REALLY want to let go of ALL of our defects?????
Can we and we still feel like us?
The best suggestion I can give, is to do what you can to the extent that you are able.
You can re-visit this step in the future and give it another go.
Oh, welcome to MIP
Step six was a hard one for me.
The first time I worked it, I threw all my NA lit out of a window.
The second time, I through my lit at walls.
This last time I just cried a lot.
It was hard letting go of stuff that I felt defined me.
The thing I found though is that stuff was things I taught myself and that they do not define me.
Many of those defects just aren't me. They never were. Most of it was the dope so that I could continue living in a land of denial.
I did many things that I am not proud of, but I did them. They do not define me and I do not have to continue to punish myself for them anymore.
Nor do I have to continue to act in those ways. Do I still have those thoughts? Yes. Do I still want to act on some of my old defects? Hell yes( I was a violent thing)
But the difference is today I don't act on them. I sit through them because they go away.
Just for today!
*hugs*
Such a difficult step for me because I over thought the whole process and found it hard to separate cause and effect.
The disgust I felt looking at all of the self-deprecating things I did was lessened when I understood the underlying defect that caused me to act in such a way.
I hope that makes sense.
The light and the end of my humiliating tunnel was is in Step 7... the absolute, most gratifying step for me :)
__________________
"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
Those feelings we accept and pray over tend to be removed/diminished over time. It's those feelings we fight and try to control...which are most stubborn.
Those feelings we accept and pray over tend to be removed/diminished over time. It's those feelings we fight and try to control...which are most stubborn.
Deannae, it's always hard to take a hard look at yourself and admit that you have defects. I believe we are our own worst critics. We feel shame in the things we've done. But if counseling has taught me anything, it's that we need to embrace who we are. You shouldn't feel humiliated or miserable when you're dredging up your defects. You should feel proud of yourself for being able to admit that you have defects. My pastor told me that going through withdrawal and coming out the other side, I would be a completely different person. At first I was terrified. What if I lost aspects of myself that I liked? But you know what? I think I am changing for the better. Not only do I think that, I am making the conscious decision to make myself a better person. By accepting the fact that you have defects and offering those defects to a higher power, you can find peace. There's nothing the higher power can't do. I find praying really helps me be able to let things go. The higher power will answer your prayers. Even the small ones.
I wanted to leave the program on step 6 and i too talked about it, the old timers told me keep coming back this to shall pass, and it did......................i'm still here.
