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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> The crazy in my head
Post Info TOPIC: The crazy in my head
shjcross


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The crazy in my head
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I have nearly 10 months free from active addiction.  I'm frustrated that as soon as I know drugs maybe around me, my crazy head starts telling me:  To search for evidence of them.  This is the situation, I live on a property with my son and his wife.  She went to the Dr. yesterday for migraine that she's had for over a week.  Upon knowing she was going to the doctor I told her that I realized the doc may give her a script for pain meds.  I asked her to please make sure she never leaves them in her house when she leaves.  I also promised her that I would try really hard not to ask her if they gave her any medication.  I take care of their kids so I am in & out of their house during the day.  The reason I discussed this with her is because I don't have faith that if I came across them I would have the strength to not use them.  

I had an overwhelming urge to go looking for pharmacy inserts, that way I may be able to relieve myself as she may not have gotten a script at all.  Then I wouldn't worry about it.  My thoughts about this are such:  If I don't give in to the compulsion to searching the cycle stops there.  To be aware of this is, to me, amazing.  I know I should be really grateful that I'm clear-headed enough to recognize and self-arrest long before I: see a prescription bottle, or an actual pill.

I went to meeting last week, the first in a long time, I received some phone numbers.  I called a couple of people, no one answered.  I ended up getting a hold of my husband, who in my opinion should understand how difficult this is, he wasn't all that helpful.  Naturally he expects me to do the right thing (simple, right). It's disconcerting that this disease still consumes me, I have never to this point been able to see pill-bottles and not scheme to take them.  My success is only because I don't work in people's homes anymore, in fact, I don't really go anywhere, much.

So with the crazy in my head; I'll tell myself all the things I would want to hear right now. My commitment is to go to a meeting at least once a week, I will make that goal & share where I'm at.



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Dave R


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Welcome.
Mental obsession on drugs is one of the defining feature of the disease of addiction. I have been clean for 29 years and I still obsess, though not nearly as much as I did at 30 days or 10 months clean.
10 months is a great accomplishment but still not much clean time in the big scheme of things.
I suggest you go to more meetings, at least several a week.
I still go to at least 2 meetings a week.
It is also important to have a sponsor and home group and work the steps.
Keep coming back.



-- Edited by Dave R on Friday 1st of November 2013 06:36:11 AM

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avid


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Hi, and welcome to MIP
Your obsession to use is obviously quite strong.
I agree with dave, that you need more meetings, except I would say
at least one a day, if not more. I understand that this may be difficult, but
willingness can go a long way.
If you don't already have one, I would urge you to get a sponsor and start developing a support group.
You need to have phone numbers that you can call when the obsession is overwhelming you.
Developing a relatonship is also a vital aspect of our program.
There will be times when there is nothing between you and relapse except a power greater than yourself.
I wish you all health and peace.
Keep coming back.

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Keep it in the day.
Mike M


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My name's Mike, I'm a grateful Recovering Addict Clean by the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God by the Power of NA.

First, congratulations on another day Clean. Any day Clean for an addict is a Miracle. But not using does not equal Recovery from Addiction.

You want the Monkey off your back, the Crazies out of your head? If you want what we have to offer, AND are WILLING to make the EFFORT to get it then you are ready to take certain steps: THESE ARE THE STEPS THAT MAKE OUR RECOVERY POSSIBLE.

A meeting now and then ain't gonna cut it if you truly want Recovery. A meeting now and then may keep you from picking up, but Recovery from Addiction is so much more than that. The Steps are the key plan and simple. There are no short cuts. They are optional, just as optional as Living a Life Joyous and Free. Today I can go anywhere, be around anyone without fear of my Monkey. The Steps are my Roadmap for Life.

Keep Coming Back. NA Works IF You Work It. Celebrating 33 years later this month, I'll even allow myself to say "Today Clean and Serene".

 



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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :)
Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
cdbuckberry


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Our mind is a powerful tool . I've been clean almost 9 years now and sometimes my mind obsesses about using drugs vividly as doing it .Our mind remembers everything about our addictions.It also remembers every day we are clean.

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H.O.W.
MIKEF


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Welcome and blessings of this day!

Coming up to 3 decades clean and had a drunk dream 3 weeks ago..Woke up very excited it was only a dream.....Each day is a continuing effort to remain in that fit spiritual condition and doing the daily work in the Solution....Just For Today don't use and apply the spiritual principles in all areas of your life and More is continually being revealed....WE can do this together........NA=Never Alone......smilesmile



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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery. 
shjcross


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Thanks for the feedback and support.

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Mike M


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Keep Coming Back. It's a step in the right direction. One step at a time, layer upon layer precept upon precept Recovery - peace, happiness, serenity, FREEDOM is possible. One Day At a Time. Recovery is not a race, there is no finish line, it's a Journey.



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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :)
Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Dustina ILia


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Even with 13yrs. clean....I make about 4 meetings a week. I used to go to two everyday, then it dribbled down to just one a day. Now I have been going about four times a week for a year or more. I would strongly suggest that you go to a lot more meetings. It's that parelle value of one addict helping another and while 10months clean is a miracle, you are still a baby in recovery. I heard it said one time in a meeting that "Using thoughts/dreams come with the addict like fleas come with a dog" and I find that to be true, however I am not controlled by my thoughts or my dreams. I do have choices today. I will, on occassion have a using dream or a thought about using and I have learned not to entertain it for long. Our disease is about obsession, compulsion with self-centeredness being at the core. I am not immune to the thoughts or the dreams merely because I have clean time. I am still an addict. Today if I have dreams/thoughts about using....I take a look at my program and see if I have become slack in any area. Sometimes your dreams can be a red flag that you need to apply your program more. If all checks out.....then it was just a dream, neither good nor bad....just is what it is.

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"Dusty" D. & "Willyboy"
flametodance


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The crazy loves to play around in my head...
I have found that meetings, steps, talking to my sponsor, calling people, and posting in on-line forums has helped.
Keep coming back.

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*hugs*

Sarah G.
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