How do I keep my intellect from getting in the way as it pertains to my recovery. See, I'm educated sand that is enough to get me to keep trying my way.I need to understand that I am my own worst enemy. Help Help Help
Im so tired, Perhaps the hardest thing for us to comprehend is that our best thinking got us where we are today, and if you are using this board, at least part of you understands this concept. The definition of insanity is "Repeating the same behavior and expecting different results." Read the first step, "We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable." This step is about surrendering to get out of the conflict. Anytime I try to control my using, be it by thinking I can have "just one", thinking I can hang out in the old places without using, or watch my friends use without getting high myself, I am setting myself up to use. I have no control over drugs! I refuse to place myself in places where I have to engage in the struggle to not use. At least to me the first step means that I no longer have to fight; a huge weight off of my shoulders. My life is rendered unmanageable by the struggle to control myself and my environment All of the consequences I have ever faced are a direct result of something I was trying to control: myself, another person, a situation, how others see me, how I feel, ect,ect,ect. My sponsor has a saying, "We cannot think ourselves into acting better, we have to act our way into thinking better." The meaning is pretty simple; we can think all we want, but until we act in new ways that are uncomfortable to start with, we will never get better. This is a program of action; action brought about by becoming honest, openminded, and willing. Go to meetings, make friends, find a sponsor, work the steps, and stay willing to learn. Our best thinking landed us where we are today. You can do it!
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
hi....i am a newbie...kinda. been in and out of the rooms for over ten years. right now i am actively using, i cant stop. and its mostly due to my intellect, like you. the quotebthat lon gave u about "repeating the same actions and expecting differnt results is so true for me....i have lost everything due to this fucking addiction and got some back, and now im on the verge of losing important things again....i just cant fucking learn. i tell myself i can just drink, then get oughta control and do drugs even when i have promised myself and others in my life that im not. i hate being a liar but i keep doing it. but i just wanted to let you know i understand what u are saying. emi77
Im smart too!!! I was bio/pre med in college before I dropped out. I think most addicts are smart...too smart for our own good. What really helped me was when I learned that it is OK to not know all the answers!!! Take "I know" out of the vocabulary. I found out that I KNOW how to use...I didn't know how to stay clean and live my life. In that, I was teachable and I did have a lot to learn....still do. Ill never be done learning. I didnt know how to deal with my feelings at all. I had no idea how to be a mother or a wife or how to love myself, even though I could do complicated college subjects!! This disease does not discriminate! Since the disease lives in our thoughts, we cannot trust them. That is why we CAN'T do this alone. I had to bounce all my ideas and thought off of other recovering addicts. I can really complicate the "stuff" out of things, I'm sure you can relate. This is a simple program for complicated people. The symbol (in the front of the basic text) "denotes a universal and total program" that "has room within it for all manefestations of the recovering addict."
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Danielle 10-14-04
"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise"
