Throughout my recovery I have always kept myself separated from my 'old life' as it were and have only felt the lure of my internal demons challenging my sobriety.
Through happenstance I bumped into an old friend this spring that I hadn't seen in 25 years. Our addictions were identical in the old days so you can imagine my excitement when I learned that she had also found her way out that hell, that is until I almost instantly started getting odd feelings... the kind that made my eyes squint and my head twist a little to the side.
The clincher came one evening after a casual dinner when she consumed 9 drinks in 90 minutes... my heart dropped at the realization that she had only switched one anchor for another.
I quietly backed away and all was well on my end and yet when she asked me to drive her 40 minutes to a remote train station for 3:30 in the morning so she could go to visit her children, I readily agreed, I mean how else would she get out there? A taxi would cost a fortune plus there's no place to sit and ohh the mosquitoes!!
So the drama I walked myself into from 6pm last night until 6pm this evening was more than I'd seen since living on borrowed time. I spare you the finer details but share that tomorrow I'm filing an almost impossible insurance claim for damage to the inside of my new car, which will cost my daughter her braces if its not covered, ugggh!
What was the lesson?
When we walk away from negative and harmful influences, we have to walk away 100%. There's no room for sentimental obligation.
I easily escaped with my sobriety but my sanity, marriage and cheque book were put to task.
I am just so thankful that I wasn't in the early years of my journey.
kd
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"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
Hi Kitty... thanks for sharing that very important lesson.... I needed to hear something like that in order to get a little critical of my own approach in helping others.
Good God,,,,, I identify very well with the whole episode. And with me its been not only the ones that still drink and drug but also them that have stopped but still indulge in controlling, manipulating and dominating behaviour. I realize that Ive been participating in very dangerous behaviour. And Ive only enabled their addictions.
Im now of the firm belief that Id rather get them a taxi than drive them down, in a manner of speaking. I have an unshakeable faith that this is the best course of action for all concerned. The danger and excitement of such undertakings was certainly alluring, but Im trying to age gracefully. Im trying to be a person that has goodwill and empathy, rather than do things that put me, and others in jeopardy.
Basically I pin it all down to co-dependent behaviour and attitudes. Itsbasically a control issue; hoping that in doing them a good turn, they'd be more obliging of my wishes.
And in that pursuit, I forget the three "C",;
Im not the cause of their disease or their predicaments
I cant control the disease or the diseased
And there certainly is no "cure" for addiction !
God help me remember these differences between reality and my own, perhaps well-intentioned but faulty thinking !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hello Kitty, just wondering...were you able to plant a seed of recovery? If so the whole night was not in vain! I hope your friend finds the rooms someday.
I hope your friend finds the rooms someday.
