I am addicted to 2 medications. One is a anti-depressand and the other a narcotic pain medication. Actually, I am not sure if I am or not. I ask my doctor about the being addicted to the antidepressant medication. He told me that when the kids are grown and things get better in my life. Then he will wean me off the meds.There has been a lot of things going on in my life. I have had several love ones die this last year. Recently, my dad was hospitalized in ICU. He is home now. Plus, my sister-in-law age 42 yrs died unexpectly last week...Problem is that life is always happening especially in my life. So will there ever really be a good time to get off the meds. This same doctor put me on another medication that is known to cause seizures. Well, I have elipsey. I have had seizures since being put on the medication but I don't know if it is the meds. or my elipsey..This doctor is now retiring because of health issues. So, where does that leave me? Then it seems that no matter how much of the narcotic pain medications I take. I am still in constant pain. I have been in the emergency room twice in the last 4 weeks because of taking to much narcotic pain medications and this medication mixing with my other medication. Many many years ago, i overdose because of cocaine and alcohol. So, I do have a histroy of abusing drugs.My husband and I haven't paid any bills for over 4 months. My husband makes very good money. So, there is no excuse for not paying the bills. I do not even know what happen to our money. It probably has something to do with my addiction. My husband has his own issues. So, I know the bill problems are not all my problem but most of it probably is my fault.My husband and I were living almost debt free. We would pay all our bills 1 to 3 months in advance. Now we are close at being homeless. So, far all our creditors including the one for our home has been working with us. We been slowly catching up with the bills. However, I know that changes need to be done but I do not even know where to even to begin.
Karla, First of all I was taught in NA that we follow our tenth tradition; "Narcotics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the NA name ought never be drawn into public controversy." I was also taught that medication when taken as directed by the prescribing physician is an "outside issue", we are not in possession of the facts of your case, nor are we physicians, so we do not judge. With that said, and the disclaimer that this is MY opinion, and ONLY my opinion, I wonder if you do not need to look closer at this issue. The fact that you are seeking help screams loudly that there is a problem. Because you question your physicians judgement, it might be wise to seek the opinion of another physician, sharing your questions of appropriateness, and possible addiction honestly. This action may save your life! At the website (na.org) you can find a booklet entitled "In Times of Illness", the booklet is found at http://www.na.org/pdf/litfiles/us_english/Booklet/In%20Times%20of%20Illness.pdf Personally I cannot ethically tell you that you need to quit, some times medications like anti-depressents are a medically necessary part of life, I am not a physician, if you have questions, get a second medical opinion. Eventually every addict in recovery will be faced with a "medical necessity" of taking an addicting drug. We need to remain aware that our bodies are capeable of manufacturing pain, for the sole purpose of feeding our addiction. At the same time it is probable that we will need pain relief at some time in our recovery. How do we balance these opposing forces is the question. "In Times of Illness" covers this subject far more completely than I am able to, covering some stratagies to use when we are faced with the necessity of taking possibly addicting medications. We all also face emotional pain in our lives, as I see it, this is part of the price of being human. I know that I used to seek shelter from unwanted emotion by the use of of drugs, Unfortunately using drugs did not make the pain go away, it only concealed it for a while. Emotional pain is kind of like getting a sliver, it has to come out or it will become infected, it doesnt matter how much antibiotic (dope) you put on it, eventually it needs to come out. Feeding and maintaining my addictions caused much wreckage in my life, some of which I am still attempting to clean up, some of which is cleaned up, and some that I can never fix. I think that the wreckage is actually a good thing for us, as eventually it's pain will drive us to seek another way to live, a lifestyle many find in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. At least that is the way it worked for me. Where to begin sounds hard, but really is easy, look in your phone book for Narcotics Anonymous, my local area maintains a hotline with volunteer addicts who are in recovery. We are willing to talk with an addict 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The operators at our answering service will also give times and locations for local meetings. If you can find nothing in your phonebook look at (na.org), there is an online meeting list that is worldwide. Look for several local meetings, sometimes a meeting will move or close, without anyone immediately correcting the information on na.org. Keep trying to find a meeting if you want recovery. A local drug and alcohol treatment facility would also likely be willing to tell you where meetings are in your city. We say "Go to meetings, get addicts phone numbers, call those people, find a sponsor (kind of like a guide, someone to lead you through the woods), and work the steps." NA only makes one promise "You never HAVE to use again!" You are in my prayers, and remember that "The truth shall set you free."
Lon
-- Edited by Lon at 19:18, 2006-01-17
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
I do know that I do have a problem with the narcotic pain medication. The narcotic pain medication my doctor prescribed to me made very depressed...So, I started using narcotic pain medications i get from friends...I do take the pain medications because of chronic pain. However, I also do so because i just don't want to think or deal with certain issues in my life. i know that I am out of control but am not sure what to do about it. Then i have a very large family. I do not even want these people to know and have to face them. However, almost all of my family aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers,parents, and so on have drug and alcohol problems. Actually, I can think of only one family member that has never had a problem with addictions and this is a cousin that severly retarded and deaf. Anyway, I am scared to face these people...I did a research on the internet about this issue. It doesn't look like there are any NA around my area. Now because of health issues I do not want to drive that far to one. I have a friend from church that said she would take me if i needed too. However, i really feel that this is something I have to do on my own. Plus, she could take me a few times but i know eventually I will have to drive myself...Anyway I really don't know what i want...This probably does not make sense. i know that I need to stop. My sil died unexpectly a week ago at age 42. The doctors are not sure exactly what caused her death. She never ever did drugs or anything like that. I keep thinking the last time I was in the ER that I could of died like my sister-in-law did...i have been in the er twice this last month for taking to puch narcotic pain medications and them mixing with my other medications.
Karla, When I first came around to NA it was pointed out to me that if I was willing to put in the same amount of effort to stay clean, as I did to stay high, I could easily stay clean. If you go to the meetings that are a bit of a hassle to get to, perhaps you could find out some information about a meeting that is closer to your location. In my area we do not list meetings until they have been active for at least 6 months, and new lists only come out 4 times a year. It is possible for a meeting to be unlisted for nearly 9 months because of this policy. If there is anything I have come to understand, it is that I cannot stay clean by myself. If you read the 12 steps (How It Works) you will notice that nowhere does it say "I", the word used is WE. Starting the process of cleaning up your life is a "leap of faith", and trust me, you can do it but you first have to make that blind leap of faith, with the knowledge that this program has worked for many, many people, all around the world.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
The great thing about your situation is that you don't have to figure it out all by yourself. Go to meetings , get phone numbers and use them daily. The people in the rooms will love you until you can learn to love yourself. We have no chance of staying clean by ourselves, The rule is " An addict that is alone is a dead addict" Keep that in mind constantly. As you go about your day remember that there will be times when you MUST take medications for health reasons, however, when you know for sure that the meds you are taking at a particular time are to kill a certain other type of pain then you are fooling yourself into believing that this is for the good. We are experts at fooling ourselves. Kepp your head up. You can do it. You are more than worth it. Get to a meeting, TODAY!!!!
