Yes Colin, Semper Fi 

I will lift you up in prayer and thank you for that continued message of HOPE, that no matter what WE just don't use..The joy of being clean as your father passed is truly a blessing, something that eluded me as it was still a year and a half after my father passed in '83 before my final surrender..May the God of your understanding bring you peace in your time of mourning.........

And last year, I lost my kid brother to alcoholism. In many ways he had become a 'parent" to me, not only in using times but well into recovery. He was the responsible one, but then alcohol took over his life and he lost it. I miss him very much. We were in each others lives for decades. But when the ugly side of his addiction took over, I had to detach. I really wish the Eternal Wish that things could have been different. To a large extent, I had forgiven my brother for the sibling abuse he had heaped on me, including threatening to kill me many times. He had brandished knives, scissors, used language like "ill kill you", "ill break your neck" etc. in the time id just cleaned up. My childhood was filled with instances of him instigating my mother, cousins and a mad uncle to punish me for so-called wrongs.

Home was never a comfortable place to be when these things happened. These dark spaces in my mind were being lit with the Program and i was hoping that my brother would experience the Blissful Existence too. But things like that were not meant to be and as I stayed clean longer his disease got more dominant. There were months of sobriety followed by stronger relapses. 

Then it happens that excessive alcohol consumption induced a stroke. That afternoon of the stroke, my daughter had come to me running and cried out
"Daddy, somethings happened to uncle. He's laying on the side walk".
I ran down to see him passed out, reeking of alcohol. I got help and shifted him to his flat. And I called someone I knew; the head of psychiatry in the national mental health institute. From what I described, she said to rush him to emergency. I agreed to do it. But I found his wife weird and argumentative. She thought it was another instance of drunkenness and he would wake up soon. I didnt want to be in that situation arguing,  being forceful and fighting. But i insisted he get help and she said she would see to it. I really wish id called 100 and shifted him. Instead I went to my home group meeting, resting assured that my brothers wife will do the needful.

But she dilly-dallied and took him to hospital next morning. She had a shock when they said
"It's too late now. He's had a stroke. We could have saved him in the first hour".
When friends brought this news, I was very unbelieving, thinking "Oh my God, this cant be happening". I was feeling outraged, shocked and incredulous.

They kept him on life support for 28 days, but he never regained conciousness and died with Ma looking on. I rushed there. I sat on the hospital bed next to his, staring at his dead body for nearly 20 minutes and then they got him ready, for his Final Journey !

I had to go through many days of shame and self-hate that I had not acted promptly and rushed him to emergency like advised, but allowed his wife to do it.
I thought many times
"I wish I had acted differently rather than being the scared people pleasing idiot that i was that afternoon"

And by God, I hate my sister in law to this day, one and a half years after that dreadful, terrible, heart breaking event. Forgiving is very difficult and forgetting is even more so. BUT HEY, RESENTMENT IS THE NUMBER ONE ENEMY OF THE RECOVERING addict, so having been cautioned, Im gradually letting go and letting God help me forget.


And all that said and done, I am grateful that A.A reached out to him. He had his sober days too. Im grateful that I was in that scene too.
I'm grateful to the God of my understanding that he did not die without having had a chance to recover !

My condolences. A while back I lost my youngest brother to brain cancer, then 6 months later my mother lost the battle with multiple cancers. Upon returning from bereavement leave for my Mother's funeral was laid off. The day I returned, nice. And didn't use no matter what, thanks HP & NA!