I am an addict named Mike.I am on the way out now and will come back tonight to talk with you but remember WE "make a decision' AND leave the results up to our Higher Power. 4th Step in 10 months,that is quite an excelleration but all SPONSORS work differently........In NA you will find that WE are a rough mixture of people from all walks of life and there will be emotions that we will entertain as we are attending meetings..Though it may be difficult,sharing your concerns with the group may help,sometimes(i'll keep it on me here)I put things in my mind that really weren't true and when I addressed them I was able to better decipher some of my stuff.Yes it is also true WE are not puppets..Ours is a process,not an event and we all moving forward at our own pace.It is good you are sharing your feelings as you go forward.......The application of the STEPS in all areas of our lives is the work outside and inside the program. Hopefully you are sharing with your sponsor your feelings,the benefits of "one helping another"...Even after 25 years on the tiles and almost 3 decades working recovery I still find certain situations in program straining.I take a deep look at myself,pray for understanding,share whats on my mind and ALWAYS remember that I am an addict and I will continue to work daily on my isms being guided by the God of my understanding.I often move to different meetings for a new perspective and to keep things fresh....I'll talk with you later,others will be on to share their ESH with you..Hang in,Just don't use and More is always revealed...Have a blessed and productive day.....Any day clean is better than our best day using,(keep it on me)it may be hard but it eventually becomes a life better than WE have known(based on my own evidence)
-- Edited by MIKEF on Wednesday 17th of July 2013 01:09:45 PM
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
My name is Raman...im an addict, staying clean and serene in NA...just for today.
Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.
Setting prefrences, adopting tactics and harboring resentments are a killjoy. Just for today, I will remember that I am powerless over others, so help me God. The first 6 years of my recovery was based on the policy that a meeting a day keeps the addiction away. And there was never an excuse to not attend. Like they said, "if you're feeling bad, go to a meeting, and if you're feeling good, go to a meeting". And that's all i did for the first six years.
Now, by the grace of God, who i understand as the Force that keeps me clean and serene, im a little more than quarter century clean and serene. But most of all, dear fellow addict and NA, I truly believe that meeting makers make it. So let nothing at all come in between.
The Third Step prayer of NA simply says: "Take my will and my life, Guide me in my recovery, Show me how to live". Repetition of this Prayer, or addressing ones concerns to A Higher Power in an unstructured manner like speaking or writing down thoughts and feelings is the Program.
Learn to keep the good feelings and let go ill one's. Turn it over !
With regards and recovery hugs......thanks for sharing yourself....I stand reminded !!!!!
-- Edited by Raman on Wednesday 17th of July 2013 03:44:04 PM
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I am looking for some much needed advice - I've really been out of balance lately. I am approaching the 10 month mark and working on my 4th step. I feel like in the time between finishing my 3rd step and now (probably about 90-100 days) I've really become off balance and resistant.
I think maybe some of this is in regards to Step 3 and my practicing of it. I'll say the prayers and know I'm not 100% ready to turn my will and my life over. I just read on another website something that "We were never in control to begin with and we cannot think we can be in control now". I mean - these are the things that irritate me...I am in control of my actions. I can have faith that a power greater than myself may influence my thoughts, emotions, and allow me to be willing to change -- but when it boils down to it...its not mind control, im not a puppet, and I need to make healthy decisions and perform healthy actions for MY SELF. I'm a realist..and had no spiritual beliefs before coming to the program. In that regard I have come a long way as I do pray, and I do feel coincidences don't exist, but I am not going to think that my higher power is going to MAKE decisions for me.
I've also come to learn that this step is an ego destroyer..and I feel like my ego (false ego) has been growing with my insecurities. Being that this is my first time around the "Novelty" of NA has worn off a bit. The guys who were my friends for my first 30,60,90 seem to be stuck in the cycle of 30,60,90 and they cannot get much further. People who do have significant clean time I feel like they have a chip on their shoulder and don't really care for me. I've been around for some months now and not many people with time ever reach out to me. I think I am suffering from some serious self-entitlement problems.
I've also been resisting the "NA Lifestyle". I don't want to be one of the guys who bases his WHOLE life around recovery. I want to be able to practice recovery outside of NA and not ONLY be going to picnics, and post meeting dinners (which I don't do much of anyhow). I'm also REALLY getting annoyed with alot of people in my area and I think it is a ME thing and not a THEM thing! I get pissed off I don't have more of a social life with some of these people then I tell myself I dont want to have one with them anyways because I dont even like them! I'm really off balance right now.
Ahh - right now I feel like I could rant about things that have been upsetting me for 10 pages. I try to stay in the process, pray, and have a loving heart but MAN these things are fuckin' hard to do right now!
HI and welcome to MIP
Your feelings are not unique. After the "pink cloud" wears off it's easy to find fault.
Too easy.
I did it and it took me out for over a year.
Losing that ego is a good insight. It's actually one of our goals...to be less self centered,
yet we have been the center of our own universe for so long we almost don't know who we are
unless we're obsessed with something.
Your approaching the time where maintaining your clean time, and growing in recovery becomes too much like
work. You've been clean long enough for your disease to whisper that this NA crap is bullshit, the people suck,
and that you don't need to be associated with low lifes and losers who can't stay clean.
At one time or another most of us have been where your at. It is a dangerous time for you.
Speak to your sponsor about it.
I wish you all the best.
Stick around, we would love to hear more from you.
Recovery is a two way street.
We need you more than you know.
I had similar issues when I was at 10 months clean.
Basically, my ego was taking over.
As for people with significant clean time, try not to judge them.
If may be the case that you are insecure about how much clean time they have and you feel like they don't care, when it reality they do care.
Self-centered fear can make us feel like the world is against us and prevent us from reaching out to others.
Wow - These posts really hit me. I just wanted you to know I am reading and would love all the feedback I can get!
I do discuss this with my sponsor and continue to get the answer "pray about it -- it is a process -- continue to write on your fourth step when you are willing" :)
I need to reflect a bit more. I am hoping to post some more tonight!
"Your approaching the time where maintaining your clean time, and growing in recovery becomes too much like
work. You've been clean long enough for your disease to whisper that this NA crap is bullshit, the people suck,
and that you don't need to be associated with low lifes and losers who can't stay clean."
--BINGO - exactly how I am feeling but I KNOW that NA works...I KNOW I need to hit meetings and I still usually hit 6-7 a week.
I gotta tell ya that I really like your sponsors suggestion.
Too often people think that because they are a sponsor that they either know all the answers or
that they SHOULD know all the answers.
It's easy to forget that we are not in charge HE is.
willingness is perhaps the most important quality you can bring to step work.
If your willing to put in an honest effort, and not be shut off to new ideas, then you got
a shot at staying clean the NA way.
I'm really glad you joined us and look forward to your future contributions.
Hi Troy, welcome. My names Mike, I'm a grateful Recovering Addict.
I read your post a couple times yesterday and again today before replying, nice rant!
When I was new I heard someone say "if you can incorporate one Step into your life each year you're doing good" and thought they must be mentally retarded to be so slow. But now going on 33 years Clean I have an inkling of what they meant! Recovery is a Journey not a destination and the Steps aren't "one and done". You are where you are and you're ok, you are Clean today and being part of the solution not the problem.
That said I fully understand much of what you're feeling. (AND your feelings are 100% valid!) I don't believe in predestination either, i.e. my actions being meaningless. My Higher Power gives me Freedom of choice. I have freedom to seek a path I believe is his will for me (and hence the best path for me) or freedom to seek a path I think is best for me which as often as not if left to my own devices is NOT best for me! It's one of those paradoxes, the more I Surrender my will the more Power I actually have and the more I win. I have to make and take the time to listen to that still small voice and trust it and then act on it. Very different thing than a mind controlled puppet! And results are not in my hands.
Resistance if futile, you will be assimilated! NA Lifestyle? While my Recovery comes first today that doesn't mean NA meetings, service meetings, conventions, retreats, etc. etc. etc. is all there is in my life. You'll find your balance in time. Patience Grasshopper! (yeah right, patience, I want patience now hah!)
I was going to pontificate about social interactions being my responsibility etc. but since I'm socially inept... hey man got some dope... that was about as far as I knew before finding the rooms of NA...
BTW welcome to the Club of us low lifes and losers who can't stay Clean on our own, thank God for NA! Keep Coming Back. Clean another day by the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God by the Power NA.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
